The Heart Man Synopsis

Synopsis

Hunter Robinson and Humphrey Robinson are twin brothers. Hunter is a Mathematics teacher, while Humphrey is a Surgeon (Doctor). Their mother Mummy Robinson favours Hunter over Humphrey. She believes in her son Hunter and defends him no matter what. On the other hand, Humphrey fights for attention from his mother. Everytime he tries he fails miserably.



The story starts with a flashback where Humphrey is seen with a bloody knife in his hand, but because both him and Hunter are an identical twin, it makes it difficult to differentiate who really got arrested. The official story starts with Hunter in class teaching mathematics. He poses a mathematical question on the board to his students and both Chris and Tito responds incorrectly. The other students did not respond because they did not know the answer to the question either. Hunter informs them that because no one knew the answer to the question they would be having lessons that evening. This however, brings the class to an end and the scene as well.



Humphrey is seen tending to one of his patients name Susan McCastie. She is a recovering heart patient. His wife Michelle Robinson calls him and informs him to go for the children that evening. Eventually, after a long dialogue Humphrey finally gives in to his wife's resquest and acknowledges that he will pick up their children. Humphrey informs Nurse Pace that he is leaving early and if they are any messages, alert him on them. Humphrey is not seen picking up his two daughters because they are already in the car, but he is seen entering the Lodge school to collect his son. On approaching the school hall, Humphrey runs into his brother Hunter. Hunter is surprised to see him, but they converse with each other while Humphrey's son Ramiah approaches his father and uncle. Humphrey and Hunter said their goodbyes as Humphrey walks away, looking back at Hunter in intervals.



Hunter goes to his mathematics lessons and leaves as soon it has finished. The students leaves before Hunter leaves the premises. Dwayne Husbands is seen at this point walking pass the cane fields. He is grabbed by the Heart Man and stabbed in the back. His heart is carefully taken out of his chest. Dwayne Husbands is pulled into the middle of the cane fields, while his heart is rested on his chest. The next day it is heard on the radio that 13 year old Dwayne Husbands appears to be missing since the day in front. Hunter is questioned by the principal of the Lodge school as to what happened after lessons. However, two days later missing Dwayne turned out to be killed practically near the Lodge school in the cane fields. He was found by students of the Lodge school that were playing.

This killing of students continue as another was killed and and another student was almost killed. This eventually after the second killing became very fishy that Hunter was suspected to killing his students. Hunter is arrested numerous times. He is caught trying to kill Sheldon Norris, another student from the Lodge school. This student complains to his mother before his mother makes a complain to the police. Hunter then is officially arrested where shortly afterwards he is released on bail. He goes home to find Humphrey in his home. Humphrey makes it known from the beginning of their conversation that he is the Heart Man, shortly after pulling out the butcher knife. Humphrey talk about both killings and why he did it to begin with. He blames everyone for his actions excluding himself. Hunter throughout all this has Stephen listening in on their conversation after he pressed his last call button on his cell phone in his pocket. Stephen quickly goes to the police station to inform them on Hunter's case. Both Lieutenant Barry and Sergeant Larry with Stephen listen in on the conversation as Lieutenant Barry drives quickly to Hunter's house.

On the police's arrival along with Stephen they found both Chris and Tito on the ground with Humphrey holding the knife in his right hand. Tito is stabbed in his right foot. The ambulance arrives as Stephen rushes into the house to find his friend Hunter lying unconsciously on the floor in a pool of blood. Stephen alerts the ambulance to come quickly to Hunter's assistance and Tito, Chris and Hunter is taken to the hospital. Mummy Robinson goes to see her son Hunter and Michelle Robinson, Humphrey's wife goes to see Humphrey and comfront him on what she heard and saw he did. Three months later Chris is at home recovering, Tito getting better and Hunter is on bed rest. On the other hand, Humphrey Robinson gets life in prison.


Notes:
General

Positives:
I love the story because it is easy to follow.

It causes you to have mixed emotions when hearing and reading it.

I love the way the characters were development.

The rivalry between Humphrey and Hunter was good. As well as the rivalry with Humphrey and Humphrey because they were times when he had issues in general and with himself that Hunter was totally unaware of.

The relationship between Hunter and his students.

The relationship between Humphrey and his patients and the staff at the hospital.

The level of respect that both Humphrey and Hunter got from the community and persons from their respected jobs.

The way that these two men have different jobs, one a teacher and the other a doctor, and the one a doctor is jealous of the one who is a teacher.

Negatives:
Mummy Robinson should go to Humphrey in prison and confront him about his twin brother and the shooting of his dad.

Show students' reactions towards Hunter being the Heart Man and Chris's and Tito's reactions.

Have Humphrey look totally innocent; helping his brother supplying a lawyer for him, maybe his wife Michelle to prove his brother's innocence.

Make Hunter look guilty as possible.

First time when I mention Hunter as the Heart Man, indicate from the journalist that the police is calling the man doing these killings as the Heart Man.

I gave away the killer too early.


Second last scene
Mummy Robinson goes and see Hunter in the hospital. She never goes to see Humphrey in prison. This is not realistic at all. She ought to feel some sort of pain and sadness for him because he is her son and it would reflect bad on her.

When Hunter stays home, show the students' reactions maybe when the principal informs them that their teacher, Hunter Robinson, will not be at class. I should have seen especially Chris's and Tito's responds. I should have also seen their reaction when they called each other up and see them defending Hunter to their parents.

Stephen the lawyer should not be apart or in the script. Since Michelle is also a lawyer in the script and she is Hunter's sister-in-law, then she should have automatically become Hunter's lawyer. It shows further conflict and intense on both Hunter and Humphrey and also on Michelle, Mummy Robinson and somewhat the children.

Usually police gives names to crimes; especially, when it is so crucial. This can be indicated at the point of the second similar killing even if Hunter is not mentioned as yet.

Marissa's Mess Script Report

Marissa is a secondary school girl. She is intelligent and usually obidient. Her best friend is Jenny and she has a crush on David Young.



At lunch time in the school cafeteria, Marissa and Jenny sat at their table watching David and his friends. Marissa and David's eyes meet and she looks away .

After school Marissa waits for her dad by the school gate and watches the children gather for the bus. Her friend Jenny runs up beside her and they talk for a while. As Jenny leaves to board the bus Marissa is startled by David who comes up behind her to ask her out. Marissa is shocked but happy and accepts. Just then her Dad pulls up and honks the horn in annoyance. Marissa hurriedly says goodbye to David and gets into her dad's car.

Erskine Yearwood is annoyed that his daughter seems to be interested in the young man she was talking to. He is a strict dad and enforces many rules that he expects Marissa to follow. Erskine voices his annoyance and an annoyed Marisa retorts and an argument begins. Erskine, annoyed that his daughter dares talk back ends the argument abrubtly and they continue to drive home in silence.
At Home in the kitchen, Kim greets her mother with her father in tow. Erskine starts to tell his wife about their daughter and Marissa exits the kitchen, heads to her room to call Jenny.

Jenny and Marissa talk about David and how Mariaasa was going to get on the date without her father knowing

Marissa's Mess- Critique

Synopsis
Marissa's Mess is a story about a young girl who disobeys her father's rules. At the beginning of the script the central character, Marissa Yearwood is seen admiring a young boy( David Young) across from her at the lunch table during lunch time. The bell rings signalling the end of lunch and Marissa head for her class. The story then moves to the end of school where Marissa is outside at the school gate watching in admonition as the school children pile up the school bus. Her friend Jenny stands next to her and they talk about school. Marissa reveals how she is envious of Jenny catching the school bus and enjoying herself on the ride home. Jenny then informs her that Marissa is missing nothing. Jenny leaves and catches the school bus and then David surprises Marissa. Eventually after much rambling he asks her out and then Marissa's father, Erskine Yearwood arrives and interrupts the discussion. Marissa went to the car and endured her father's constant rant on his rules about boys. They get home and Marissa tells Jenny what happened after school.
It is Saturday and Marissa goes out on a date with David only to realise after much drama when she reaches the club that David can't take her back home. She eventually gets a taxi with Maurice Reid as the taxi driver and the taxi runs out of gas and his then hijacked by thieves when they reach the gas stiation. The thieves, Jake and Trent Bascombe, take Marissa hostage and eventually have to slow down because the taxi still needs gas. The police give chase and when they finally corner them Trent shoots Jake by accident.
Marissa is taken home by the police officer and thinks she is scotch free when her parents get home and then her father watches a news report an officer calls him on the phone. Marissa hears her father shout for her and she knows she is dead. Her mother then stands up for Marissa and quiets Erskine.

Things I Like

1. I like the way the story moves along. I like the many complications Marissa encounters in trying to get home.
2. The interaction between Marissa and her best friend Jenny.
3. The character of Trent Bascombe.
4. The minor characters in the story like the gas station attendant.
5. The way the mother defends her at the end.

Improvements that can be made

1. The ending is not concrete. It leaves too many unaswered questions and most importantly it does not end leaving the reader satisfied.
2. Maurice's charcter can be used more in the script. The character has potential to re-enter the story to develop the plot.
3. When Jake dies, it changes the entire tone of the story. It is almost as though we expect Marissa to fall in love with Jake.
4. We don't know why David chose that particular time to ask out Marissa. It is not clear what his motive was other than to ask her out on a date.
5. The conversations between Erskine and Patricia are not realistic especially at the ending.
6. There is too much dialogue from the middle of the script onward. It could be more action driven.

Detailed Analysis

• On the first page it is not clear if David is a popular guy at school and what his role is in the group. This would give more to his character and help point us to why he would ask Marissa out.
• At the ending of the script when Erskine received the call from the police, we know exactly what is going to take place next.
• Marissa's mother Patricia, appears to be underdeveloped throughout the entire script. We are unaware of her thoughts until mainly at the end where she defends her daughter. This surprises the audience because there has been no strong build up throughout the script to support the ending for her reaction.

The Lost Hearts of Brighter Hopes Synopsis

Synopsis
The neighbours stands at the bus stop gossiping about what has happened to persons that died. They gossip about the killer they called the Heart Man just then Kimberly passes and overhears the whole conversation. She is appalled at their comments even though they are not aware on who the Heart Man is.

Kimberly makes her way to school as she is still surrounded by the talks of the Heart Man from the students. She feels uneasy about it, but she pretends as though it does not bother her. Henderson, a student at the same school as Kimberly accuses Mr. Niles, their teacher, of being the Heart Man. Kimberly pretends that she does not know who the Heart Man is, and she stops Henderson from blaming and accusing Mr. Niles of such accusations. Henderson gets ranted with Kimberly because of this, and so he brings up incidences that happened at Kimberly's home between her father and herself which Kimberly confided in him about that causes Kimberly to give Henderson a hard slap in his face. This slap causes her to go running inside the classroom, where Mr. Niles her teacher is.

This run by Kimberly causes Mr. Niles to look up at her. He asks her if everything is okay. She responds to him by letting him know everything is not alright, but she rather not talk about it. She reads in the classroom until it was class time. In the classroom Mr. Niles asks the students the answer to a question he placed on the board. No one knew the answer, except for Kimberly who said the correct answer. Mr. Niles tells her that the answer she gave is correct. This causes the boys in the classroom to make kissing noises at her. Shortly after this, the children in the classroom are caught passing around paper at each other and Mr. Niles catches them in the middle of this act. The note on the paper had on a drawing with Mr. Niles's name written on it. The paper also had a man holding a heart in one hand and a little boy on the ground dead. Mr. Niles grabs Henderson, who he got the note from in the first place, to speak up. Mr. Niles's patience runs out. The children talk loudly so that Henderson does not say who wrote it, and Henderson ends up not saying who did write it because the bell rings and interrupts this tensity that was build up by the children and Henderson. Henderson is set free and he leaves the classroom pointing at Mr. Niles while calling him the Heart Man.

All this time Kimberly is not seen, but she comes back to Mr. Niles who does not realise it is her at first, so he snaps. On realising it is Kimberly, he politely apologizes to her and acknowledges her presence. Kimberly agrees with why Mr. Niles would have reacted in the manner he did. She alerts him that her dad would not be able to take her home and her dad wanted to know if he could take her. Mr. Niles obviously stun by her approach, eventually tells her yes he will take her home. They talk about any and everything while leaving and on their way to Kimberly's home. She asks him about his studies at UWI; what he is studying because of some books that he clumsily knock out of his bag onto the floor.

Kimberley sings and dances to the "Yellow Bird" song. She pretends to be embarrassed when Mr. Niles stares at her. Mr. Niles eventually dances with Kimberly until she pulls away. They both get caught up in the moment. She gets closer to her home so she pretends to be afraid of the heart man. She runs into a shack place that turned out to be hers. Mr. Niles does not know this until he enters and Kimberly reveals to him that the place is hers. Mr. Niles grew afraid of his life and Kimberly slowly kills him when he does not give into her plans or will. After killing Mr. Niles and burying him, she finally calls Henderson and alludes to him to take her home tomorrow because her dad would not be able to.

Notes
General

The things that were good:
The plot of the story. The twist that it gave where Kimberly was the heart woman all along when everyone thought and still thinks it is a man. She being able to listen on what everyone had to say was able to do things differently according to what she heard.

The development of the characters.

Establishing the suspense in the script from early.

The cleverness of Kimberly.

The scene outside and inside the classroom.

And the scene on the cart road between Kimberly and Mr. Niles.

The things that could have been improved:
However, there were quite a bit that needed reworking. For instance, where did the neighbours come from? Are they her neighbours? One of them would have known something was up with her because she lives by herself. In Barbados, when you think your neighbours do not know anything, they usually know more than you think. Didn't someone saw her digging holes in the back of her shack? Didn't they smell a stench? The neighbours were only mentioned at the beginning and no other part in the script. Not even in the end. This would have helped with a resolution of the script because the script is never solved. It is left hanging (incomplete). Malicious neighbours would have bound to know that she got back in with a man with her.

EXT. SCHOOL YARD - MIDDAY page 3 is one word. Not *Mid day*. I would have liked to see the reaction of the children, Henderson and Kimberly's faces, after she gave him the slap.

There was no prove that Kimberly ever spoke to her father after school was over, so Kimberly telling Mr. Niles that her dad cannot come for her was weird. You get the feeling something was fishy at this part of the script.

What was also fishy about this, was the fact that she went to Mr. Niles. In 2009, I do not think any adolescent would be going to a teacher to take them home, unless they were very bold and interested in the teacher. And this does not add up to the persona of the character. That part needs to be developed some more.

What would have prompt her to go to Mr. Niles in the first place? And what would have prompt him to willingly take her home? In 2009, Mr. Niles a teacher does not has a car? I think this has to be developed. What kind of teacher is Mr. Niles? What is his personality? How is his living? What is his status? Is he married, have children, engaged or has a girlfriend?

When Kimberly goes to Mr. Niles, have him doing something that requires him to snap and then glancing at her quickly to realise it is her, so that he begins to have a softer tone.

When Kimberly comes out with Mr. Niles to take her home, kissing noises from Henderson and the other boys could be coming from them, that would have caused Kimberly to get upset. This would have been her motive to do what she did. Also, in order for all this to happen, then the boys would still have to be around. (Obviously, they wouldn't have left already).

Where is Kimberly's and Mr. Niles's possessions? As small as it may seem, I do not see it. Do they leave it in the classroom? Simply because when they dance, I would have imagine that he would have put down his briefcase, if he has one.

The scene needs to be developed between Kimberly and Mr. Niles.

The Yellow Bird song could be Kimberly's trigger.

Also, how did they hear the song to begin with? I know that they heard it because she was singing it, but there is no prove as to how they hear it. I got the impression from reading the script that nothing was on that cart road. Just canes and bushes, so you would have to state this, to show the distance of the walk.

There were also some grammatical errors. I know you spoke in Bajan dialect, but they were verb disagreements and misspelt words.

What is the resolution? Is Kimberly ever caught? I wanted to see how everyone found out that it was a heart woman instead of a man, and also, does Kimberly kill the entire boy population in her class? We know that she was aiming for Henderson the next day. Someone would have bound to realise that Mr. Niles haven't turned up for class and now Henderson and they were last seen with Kimberly.

Henderson's character could have been developed some more. What was the relationship between him and Kimberly?

Does anyone including Henderson asked Kimberly where is her father and how did he die?

Scene 1 Page 1
Where is the bus stop location? Where is Kimberly's home? Why a bus stop scene? How close do these neighbours live to Kimberly? Does Kimberly know them? Do they know Kimberly?

Scene 2 Pages 2-3
Outside where the children are playing before class: I wanted to see the children's faces; especially, Henderson's. I wanted to see how the slap was given by Kimberly. I wanted to see the intensity of the slap and how Kimberly looks when she runs inside the classroom.

Scene 3 Pages 4-6
The students expression when they made the kissing noises: do all the children make kissing noises? How many children are in this class? Is Kimberly the only girl in the classroom? I get that feeling that she is. To what extent is the intensity in the classroom? Why is Henderson caught? Who actually passed the note? Who wrote it? Is Kimberly seen throughout this? The dialogue seems unrealistic between a scared student and an angry teacher. What kind of teacher is Mr. Niles? What is his persona? Kimberly needs to seen leaving to use her phone, so that she asking Mr. Niles to take her home looks realistic and honest. Why does she asks Mr. Niles to take her home than Henderson who she later asks? Why the Occult religion book? It makes it look as though they both kill together or something, or that she knows Mr. Niles dark secrets about these killings.

Scene 4
Why the Yellow Bird song? What was the motive behind it? Again what is Mr. Niles's persona? Why would he danced with Kimberly? Why does Mr. Niles runs into the house with Kimberly even though he felt it was abandoned and unsafe? Hence, what was his motive here again.

Scene 5
Kimberly gives off the suspense too early. As soon as you enter her home you know that she is the heart woman. The suspense should be given near to the end that would have caused her to kill Mr. Niles in the first place. I think the unravelling of the suspense could be left up to Mr. Niles. Cause him to be suspicious that he opens the areas where Kimberly has them stored. While he does this have Kimberly coming back and catching him. This would leave Mr. Niles with two choices, either stay with Kimberly and be apart of her world, or try to get away and alert the police on the Heart Woman. Kimberly should not call Henderson because this leaves the story hanging. And why does her father gets killed by her? What did he do to her that would have caused her to kill him?And how was he killed? And where?

Full Critique- The Heart Man

Synopsis
This story takes the heartman as a Barbadian folk tale and translates it to a film story. It depicts the folk tale in which the heartman has no heart at all. Julie has worked on this script with diligence and honestly she did a good job of capturing the essence of the folk tale. I thought she used the idea of a twin to identify two different worlds while yet establishing this comminality between them.

The story starts out with a flashback of a bloody knife in Humphrey Robinson's hand. The police caught him and he is arrested. Hunter Robinson a mathematics teacher at Lodge school gives his students a maths problem in the next scene. Following is his twin brother Humphrey Robinson, who is a doctor at the Queen Elizabeth Hospital. Humphrey is monitoring a patient's heart and his wife Michelle calls and asks him to pick up the children. He then leaves the hospital to for his children who go to school at the Lodge school. Humphrey picked up his two daughters, Samantha and Luanna and went to the school hall for his son Ramiah who was waiting for him there. He runs into his twin brother Hunter. They talk for a short bit and then Humphrey leaves with Ramiah, taking him and his daughters home.

Then Hunter begins his afterschool classes giving the students the answer to the problem he gave earlier during the day. Classes are over and Hunter and the children leave the school.
The next morning a news report came over that Dwayne Husbands, a thirteen year old student at the Lodge school was missing. When Hunter arrived at school he was questioned by the principal about Dwayne Husbands. Two days later, students discovered a body in the nearby cane fields and then police are brought in who questioned Hunter as well. His brother Humphrey is shocked and gives Hunter a call. Hunter prepares his lessons for the next day. While going to his car he observes Tony Boyce waiting. Tony says he is waiting on his mother and after a call to his mother, Hunter realises that she can't come for her son and volunteers to take him to her workplace safely. Tony is snatched up by the entrance and his mouth his mouth has beeen covered by a hand. Officer Warden sees the killer and runs after him. In doing so he stumbles across the body. He calls both the ambulance and the police. Then he tells Harriet Boyce. The mother of the deceased. Police are investigation the scene in the night and calls Hunter to come down to the station. Hunter is allowed to leave and he talks to his mother when he arrives home. While on the phone with his mother Humphrey takes a call on the other line and speaks to his brother for a short while before returning to his mother. In the morning of the next day, Hunter hears a news report saying that he is the number one suspect regarding the murders of the two boys. He calls in sick and the Principal wishes him a speedy recovery.

Hunter's lawyer and good friend Stephe Rowe heard the news and gives Hunter a call. Humphrey is the heartman and plans another attack on Sheldon Norris. Sheldon escapes seeing Humphrey's face. Sheldon ran home and told his mother that his school teacher Hunter tried to kill him. His mother Shirley Norris immidiately calls the police. Police rush over to Hunter's house and make an arrest.

Another news report comes on reporting that Hunter Robinson is the heartman. Michelle and Humphrey are having a conversation about Hunter being the killer. Humphrey picks up the phone and calls his mother. They speak and the conversation ends disturbed for both parties. Hunter is in the questioning room with Stephen. Hunter reveals that it could be his twin brother framing him for the murders of these boys........ unfinished

Good points about the story

• It can be followed
• There are many characters
• Great details in the story (fine details, imagery)
• There are many comedic elements
• Improvement on the last script
• It is a wonderful way to tell the folk tale

Needs Improving

• Dialogue needs rethinking in some instances
• Character names need rethinking
• Humphrey as the killer is revealed to early
• The story about the killing of the father needs reworking
• What is the real motivation of the heartman?

The Heart Man script report by Alicat

Hunter Robinson and Humphrey Robinson are twin brothers. Hunter is a school teacher and Humphrey is a doctor. They have a strained relationship due to Humphrey's' believe that Hunter is the favoured child by their mother who insists that she loves both her boys.

As a teacher, Hunter enjoys his work and has a great relationship with his students especially Tito Mosquito and Chris Marville.

Humphrey Robinson is a surgeon. He has his own practice and is very successful. He is happily married to Michelle who is a lawyer and they have three children Luanna, Samantha and Ramiah.

One afternoon after Hunter completes his after school lessons, one of his students, Dwayne Husbands is attacked and killed; his chest is ripped opened and his heart removed. News of the death circulate and Hunter is questioned by Lieutenant Barry.

Humphrey on hearing the news of the attack contacts his brother to offer support.

Another evening Hunter leaves school late after preparing lessons. He notices a student, Tony Boyce is waiting alone. He offers to contact his mother and subsequently offers him a ride to her office when she indicates that she is unable to pick him up as scheduled. Hunter drops Tony off at the stairs of his mothers workplace and leaves, Tony is attacked and killed his heart removed and placed on his chest.

Hunter is summoned to the station where he is questioned by Sergeant Larry and Lieutenant Barry about Tony. Hunter is now the main suspect but declares his innocence.

Mummy Robinson contacts he son offering him support and encouragement.

News of the killings and the Hunter as the suspect are released to the public. Hunters lawyer Stephen Rowe contacts him to offer advice.

Sheldon Norris is walking home, he is attacked by the heart man but manages to escape and also catches a glimpse of his attacker. He identifies him as Hunter Robinson,

Hunter is arrested while maintaining his innocence.

Humphrey and Michelle are shocked about the news and Humphrey contacts his mother. Mummy Robinson is distraught and does not believe what she hears and defends her son.

Hunter spends the night in jail and is released on bail the next morning by his lawyer. He returns home to find Humphrey there with a knife in his hand waiting for him. An argument begins and Humphrey reveals his anger for his sibling . He explains his belief that Hunter is the favorite and he confesses to the murders of the children and his father and promises to kill Hunter. Hunter presses the cell phone in his pocket and his Lawyer, Stephen is alerted. The police are called and everyone heads to Hunters home. Meanwhile Tito and Chris arrive at the house for lessons and are attacked by Humphrey. The police arrive and arrest Humphrey and save the children. Hunter is placed in the hospital and Humphrey is sent to jail. His Wife Michelle visits him and expresses shock and anger at his behavior, while mummy Robinson visits an unconscious Hunter in the hospital.


The story is well written, it reads smoothly and is easy to follow. The concept is great, it gives a new spin on old Barbadian folklore which has never been told in film, making it original and exciting. The plot is very good and keeps your interest from beginning to end. The structure of the story which incorporates murder mystery and touches on the issues of sibling rivalry provides a great platform for this type of film to be told. The characters are fantastic and come alive within the script. The main characters are intriguing as well as the supporting characters who assist in strenghening the focal characters well. The script is very visual, scenes are easy to visualise because descriptions from scene to scene are very clear. This being said there are areas of the script which do not work effectively. Script has too much unnecessary dialogue which can be removed in order to allow the potentially fantastic visual images to come to the fore. Characters can be developed more in order to tie the storyline together. Writer needs to ensure that she relays her story in the correct tense at all times. The major task of the writer will be to ensure that the mystery of the killer remains as such until the revelation. The writer gives away the killers identity much too early removing the suspense from the script. The writer also hints repeatedly throughout the script, the possibility of who the killer is, steering her audience into figuring out before she is ready.

Script needs tidying. Writer must pay attention to scene headings and dialogue headings. e.g:
Pg 1, 2Dialogue headings missing. Writer must be careful to indicate who is speaking at all times to ensure that the reader follows the story. Pg 9 Scene heading is missing:

Int. Queen Elizabeth Hospital. Afternoon

Humphrey Robinson
I was not there today

Int. Lodge School Staffroom. Afternoon
I mean three days ago. You didn't see anything suspicious.
I mean you wouldn't know the usual atmosphere
around here, but did you see anything that appeared odd?

Script has too much dialogue in some areas, the technique of show not tell needs to be applied for e.g: pg 3 Humphrey Robinson and his wife have a lengthy conversation about picking up the kids which is not the focal point of the story.

There are areas in the script which need to be expanded on :

pg 7 Ext. The Playing Field - Morning.

Dialogue is needed scenes need to be expanded. A number of scenes are happening which the writer has bunched together into one scene.

Plot is given away much to early. Too many hints throughout the story telling you who the killers is. for e.g Pg 25

Marissa's Mess Synopsis

Synopsis

Marissa's Mess is about Marissa sick and tired of her father's rules. She finds herself admiring David one of the students of the same school she attends. David comes up to her when school was over to invite Marissa on a date. She excitedly accepts, but finds it difficult to convince her dad that nothing is going on between herself and David. Marissa's mum tries to defend Marissa but once again is beaten down by this. Marissa father reiterates the rules of the house and Marissa's rules because her parents were going out. Marissa as usual acknowledges these rules and speedily gets ready after her parents leave. She quickly gets ready to go out with David.

David comes and picks up Marissa. They go out to his uncle's night club and David gets drunk while at the club. Marissa becomes concern about this and concern about getting home. She tries to get David to take her home, but the Bartender prevents David from taking her home because of his condition. Marissa is given money to go and catch a taxi home. She leaves the club and tries to get home. Just then a ZR van comes packed with passengers and Marissa's hesitation causes the conductor to curse her and allows the driver to drive off.

Marissa yells for the ZR van to come back, but of course this did not happen. She sees a taxi and tries to stop it. Maurice is the taxi driver. He starts talking to her and Marissa is bored by it. He alluded to her that he needs to make a stop at the gas station because he needs gas. On arriving at the gas station he realises that he has no gas money so he informs the attendant of this and the attendant goes back into the lunch room. Maurice signals to Marissa that he is going to the ATM. Just when Maurice is in there, the automart is gun up by Jake and Trent who are brothers. They rob the automart and hears sirens that has nothing to do with them robbing the place. Trent and Jake runs to a nearby vehicle which happens to be Maurice's taxi vehicle. They drive off, just in time before the official police comes.

Trent and Jake realises that someone is in the back seat which turns out to be Marissa. She talks and is confused as to what is happening right about now in the script. Jake responds to her gently and nicely, but Trent doesn't. The police chases them until Trent who is driving realises that the taxi is out of gas. He at this point has no choice but to stop. Marissa, Jake and Trent get out of the car with Trent sticking a gun to Marissa's head as he holds her. Marissa is afraid of her life and what Trent might do to her. Jake hesitantly continues to not want to do this. When Jake places his gun to the ground and Marissa tries to run at the first sight of escape, Trent fires a shot at Marissa that causes Jake to jump infront of her. Jake at this point is shot and dies on the spot. Trent drops to the ground to his brother. Marissa runs to Officer Jackson and Trent is handcuffed by the police.

Marissa eventually gets home and she quickly makes her way to her bed after undressing. Her parents get home and her father checks in on her that causes her to respond to him in a sleepy manner. Officer Jackson calls Marissa's home to see if she was alright and also to inform her parents on what had happened. This causes Marissa's father to shout her name that causes Marissa to get into trouble.

Notes:
General

The things I love about the script:

The best friend relationship between Marissa and Jenny. The way they told each other everything and they both wanted to experience each other's world.

The brotherly commitment between Jake and Trent. The way Trent in his own way takes care of his brother. The softness of Jake and the roughness of Trent.

The use of the word time that signals to Marissa it is time to leave.

The way Officer Jackson calls to inform Marissa's parents on what had happened and also to see if Marissa was okay.

The conflict in the story with Marissa trying to get home.

The things that could be improved upon:

Maurice's character could have been developed some more. I thought he would have been in the police vehicle because it was his taxi.

Who called the police? I would have wanted to see who called the police because action and humour could have been placed at this part of the script.

Where is the attendant? Does she go home without anyone being aware?

What happened in the automart? I would have loved to see Maurice's reaction because he sounds and looks in my mind as a big coward. Also, here was another good part for action and humour.

When Marissa and her dad came home to find the mother in the kitchen, I thought that the conflict could have started here between Marissa's mum and dad that causes the resolution for the mother in the end.

In the crime scene chase, something is missing there that could have caused it to popped out at me. I wanted to feel for both Trent and Jake and Marissa all at once.

I felt that Marissa on arrival at home could have called her best friend to inform her about her night. While Marissa is on the telephone talking to Jenny, she realises her parents are home and then she rushes Jenny off and pretends that she is asleep.

Scene 1
Is David Young in a group with his friends talking? What personality does he has when he is with his friends. Is he respected by his friends? Is he the leader among his friends? I do not know if David is looking at Marissa when she looks at him. Does he looks at her, and she goes smiles to hijself? Does his friends gets his attention that Marissa is looking at him? What was his motive to have gone to her in the next scene to ask her out? Is Jenny with Marissa all this time that this is going on?

Scene 2
Was Marissa sitting down when Jenny came up to her or was she standing? I assume she was standing. Marissa's dialogue needs to be more natural. Her language sounds fake, not realistic for a girl talking to her best friend. Jenny's language also does not sound realistic because if someone prefers to have what someone else's has they would be more convincing than just telling them do not worry about it because they haven't missed a thing.

Again I do not fully know the personality of David. The way he speaks to Marissa sounds white or rich. He doesn't sound like someone that Marissa would want to be with. He sounds like someone that Marissa father would be interested in if you take away his skin colour. David stating "it would spoil his plans" baffles me because his persona still isn't identified.

Marissa's dad Erskine character sounds split. I think he should calmly ask Marissa questions and then get angry if she refuses to hear.

Scene 3
Marissa's mum could have asked more questions and state some of her view points when Erskine and Marissa got home. I felt like Marissa could have even voice what happened that day.

Scene 4
I felt that less dialogue should have been said here. If someone is drunk yes they talk to much, but the action would have been more seen as a let down by Marissa's stand point than with David talking. His actions alone would have suggest to her she really wasted her time going out with him. This alone could have indicated to her that she needed to go home and forget about David. The Bartender should not have given I presume a 17 year old alcohol anyway. This just isn't realistic with the laws and age differences that occurs.

Scene 5
Maurice should have been seen awhole lot more than in this script. Maurice at this point becomes the antagonist because everything circles around him; his taxi out of gas, his taxi being stolen, the robbery, Marissa trying to get home, Marissa caught in a mess in Maurice's taxi. I needed to see what happened in the automart; who called the police; what became of the Attendant; what Marissa was doing all along; Jake's and Trent's reaction and action to the robbery.

Scene 6
The chase: what was Marissa's response. I needed to see more of her response. Was she talkative at this point? Was she talkative and scared? Was she talkative, scared and confused?

The police's reaction at the gas station. What they did in the car? How Maurice got into their vehicle. I would have prefer Maurice being in the police's vehicle with them because the taxi is his and he would have been the best person to identify it.

Scene 7
The crime scene: what happened when Marissa, Jake and Trent were out of the vehicle. Maybe the other policemen were trying to hold back Maurice from running to his vehicle and still being able to focus in on the Jake and Trent robbery and kidnapped.

The long lines of traffic held up. Marissa's parents' faces. The father calling Marissa at home to lether know they are soon home, but she never answers. Then they calling her cell phone and Trent jumps to the noise of her cell phone in the car.

Reporters coming on the scene in undercover. Hidden cameras shooting all around. Jake is shot in the arm and Trent rushes to him. Marissa runs and the police rushes to Trent to arrest him. Marissa sees her dad's car while talking to the reporter and informs the police she needs to get home.

Scene 8
Marissa gets home just before her parents. She changes her clothes and calls Jenny. Her parents pull up and she ends the conversation with Jenny. Her father comes in to check on her because earlier she didn't answer any of her phones when he called. She acknowledges that he is home in the meantime when the telephone rings. The police calls and Erskine puts on his television. He shouts Marissa's name while going into her room. He questions Marissa and Patricia and him take their conversation outside. Patricia speaks her mind to her husband and Erskine decides to ground Marissa.

Full Critique of "The Lost Hearts of Brighter Hopes"

Synopsis
This story written by Keisha has tremendous value as a a folk tale in Barbados. She moves away from the cliche stereotypical male psychopath and creates a female killer. She uses the folk tale of the heart man to draw her audience in and then she shocks them by revealing a female killer who is a teenage girl. Kimberly is orphan. She is teenage girl that asks cleverly at the beginning about the heartman which establishes early what the story is about.

The story takes us to Kimberly's school yard where a boy named Henderson proposes that a mathematics teacher named Mr.Niles is the heartman. In his story he details that Mr.Niles was the last person to be seen with a young boy that went missing. Henderson also reveals information about Kimberly's father at the end of his story. Kimberly is frustrated that they talk about Mr.Niles this way and defends him. She then retreats and goes to Mr.Niles' class to find him. Mr.Niles invites her into the classroom to talk but Kimberly says she wants to read and finds a book on Egyptian rituals on her desk.

The story then moves to a classroom scene where Mr.Niles gives a mathematics problem to the class to solve and in it Henderson along with students accuse Mr.Niles of being the heartman. The story then follows the journey of Mr.Niles and Kimberly to her home. It his during this journey that the first clue to who the heartman was, is revealed. At the end Kimberly cleverly brings Mr.Niles to a shack where she reveals to him that it is her home. After Mr.Niles dissapoints Kimberly by declining her advances she kills him and takes out his heart. She then buries him in the backyard, returns inside and calls Henderson to ask him to walk her home the next day.

What Went Well:

• She introduces priniciple characters that carry the story.
• Withholding who was the heartman
• Development of Kimberly and Mr.Niles as characters
• The use of auditory imagery; the 'Yellow Bird' song
• The visual story telling techniques; describing the scene and action

What Didn't Work

• The use of the neighbour at the beginning
• Kimberly pretending to talk to her father
• Mr.Niles agreeing to take home Kimberly
• There is no resolution to the conflict of the Heartman's killing
• Story of why Kimberly kills needs working

At the beginning of the script the neighbour appears to be just there. There is no idea of who they are and it appears as though they are only there to talk about the heartman.

Henderson isn't developed as a full charcter. He has so much potential to grow but it just seems as though he too is there to just give information. We have no idea about his background or who he is.

We don't know much about Mr.Niles besides him being a mathematics teacher and him studying at University doing research on occult religions but we feel as though he should have a backstory. A suggestion could be his affection for teenage girls. This would lead him to go with Kimberly with a possibility of something enjoyable for him at the end of the journey.

What happens at the end leaves the story unfinished. Kimberly isn't caught and she is seen scheming to kill Henderson the next day. The audience is not left with a concrete idea as to what will happen. A concrete resolution could be an effective way to end your story. The viewer wouldn't have to wonder if a sequel is being done.e.t.c.

The Heartman Critique

The script has a good storyline and a great concept. characters are intriguing and entertaining. Script is very visual and gives great description of scenes and characters.
some areas of the script can be developed. The dialogue tends to be too lengthy and repetitive at times and therefore can be tightened. The relationship between Tito and Chris in relation to Hunter needs to be developed. the plot is given away to early and there are also too many hints to who the heartman is. Some backstory is needed to establish the plot point of the father's killing

great story otherwise

Marissa's Mess critique

This is a general summary of the critique shared yesterday in class

• Use Maurice's character more
• Work the conversation between Erskine and Patricia
• Work conversation between Trent, Jake and Marissa in the car
• There is a consensus that too much dialogue is used in the later part of t he script. It should be action driven not dialogue driven.
• Why did David choose that time in particular to as her out...?
• Change Jake dying....this changes the entire tone of the ending.

Marissa's Mess Script Critique

The Things I Love About the Script:

1) The best friend relationship between Marissa and Jenny. The way they told each other everything and they both wanted to experience each other's world.

2) The brotherly commitment between Jake and Trent. The way Trent in his own way takes care of his brother. The softness of Jake and the roughness of Trent.

3) The use of the word time that signals to Marissa it's time to go.

4) The way Officer Morgan calls to inform Marissa's parents on what had happened and to see if Marissa was alright.

5) The conflict in the story with Marissa trying to get home.


The Things That Could Have Been Better:

1) Marice's character could have been developed some more. I thought he would have been in the police vehicle because it was his car.

2) Who called the police? Ms. Frances -Ann Solomon spoke on it, but I mentioned that before.

3) Where was the attendant?

4) What happened in the automart? I would have loved to see Maurice's reaction because he sounds and looks in my mind as a big coward.

5) When Marissa and her dad came home to find the mother in the kitchen, I thought that the conflict could have started there between Marissa's mum and her dad that causes the resolution in the end for the mother.

6) In the crime scene chase, something is missing there that could have caused it to popped out at me. I wanted to feel for both Trent and Jake and for Marissa at the same time.

7) I felt that Marissa on arrival at home could have called her best friend to inform her about her night, and when Marissa realises that her parents are home, she rushes off the phone and pretends to be asleep.

critique for lost hearts of brighter hope

Keisha has a great concept and provides a good storyline for her script. the plot is strong with interesting twists and conflict. The characters are also very interesting; especially the main characters. Kimberly and Mr. Niles as well as Henderson. The way that Keisha presents the story is also interesting.She establishes the thesis early and then builds the suspense. The ending is also good as it provides an unexpected and shocking resolution to the storyline. Although the provides these great elements, there are ares that the writer can build on: Continuity from one scene to another needs to be tighter. Some scenes end abruptly which causes some confusion when trying to follow the story. Action and reaction of characters to areas of conflict in the story e.g when kimberley slaps Henderson, we need to see his reaction as well as Kimberley and the children around them. Some characters can be utilized more in the script for e.g Henderson. Some areas of the script also have room for development e.g the scee where Kim and Mr. Niles walk home, the sequence of events which follow can be stregthened. The plot is too informative. Giving away the villian too early for e.g when Kim tells Niles about the jars which she has displayed. It takes away from the suspense as the reader begins to realize that Kim may not be as innocent as she appears. It is an otherwise great story!

Heart Man Critique--

I honestly believe Julie has written a good story and her hard work is seen throughout her work.

The visual imagery in the script was strong in that it allowed us to watch the story unfold off of the page. Also the described action in each scene I thought was clear enough and to the point.

I loved the scene between .....

The believability of some of the character dialogue needs reworking. I don't find the conversation between Humphrey and his mother realistic.

The story was great until about page 15 where the audience can grasp who the killer is. Even later on in the story there are more clues that point to who the killer is. You may want to hold back much longer to build the tension and suspense that you were creating so well.

You may want to rework the names in the script more. The names add to a comedic element in the script. That is of course if you don't want the scrip to be a comedy.

The killing of the father wasn't explained in detail. You may want to give more insight as to why and how the father was killed.

I really think this script is strong...and I would love to see it filmed.....!

The Heart Man Critique

What Worked:

Characters were well built

Story was very tight and fluid.

Very good introduction.

Scenery is well portrayed


What did not Work:

1.) In parts of your script you have "INT- Radio" that should be expanded more, that is, you are not sure where the interior of the place it is. Be it the interior of the a bedroom - radio etc

2.) Why does the heart man leave the heart on the victim's chest. What is the motive? After stalking prey for such a long time a serial killer like to have his trophies about him to remind him of other killings.

3.) You need to find out where your "moment" is, that is, where you want the big reveal to be. With pages 24, she talks about Hunter to Humphrey as if she loves Hunter more. Even if so, she would not reveal that to Humphrey, because a mother's love us unconditional.

4.) Also, coming down to the end of the monologue, she mentions that the person doing it would have to be a doctor, and that kinda gives it away.

5.) Coming down to the end of the piece you talk about the father, but there is no mention of him before hand. He is dropped there. You should expand on him some more.

6.) Some parts of the script were a little too narrative instead of it being action or movement in the script. For example in page 22, "their voices become loud noises in Hunter's ears".

7.) Also remember to proof read when you can to avoid grammatical errors

The Lost Hearts of Brighter Hopes Script Critique

The things that I like:

1) The plot of the story. The twist that it gave, where Kimberly was the heart woman all along, while everyone thought and still thinks it is a man.

2) The development of the characters.

3) Establishing the suspense in the script from early.

4) The cleverness of Kimberly.

5) The scene outside and inside the classroom.

6) The scene on the cart road between Kimberly and Mr. Niles.

The things that could have been better:

1) Where did the neighbours come from? Are they her neighbours? One of them would have known something was up with her because she lives by herself. In Barbados, when you think your neighbours don't know anything, they usually know more than you think. Didn't someone saw her digging holes in the back of her shack? Didn't they smell a stench? The neighbours were only mentioned at the beginning and no other place else. Not even in the end. Malicious neighbours would have bound to know that she got back in with a man with her.

2) EXT. SCHOOL YARD - MIDDAY page 3
*Mid day* is one word *Midday*
I would have like to see the reaction of the children, Henderson and Kimberly, after she gave him the slap.

3) There was no prove that Kimberly ever spoke to her father after school was over. So Kimberly telling Mr. Niles that her dad cannot come for her was weird. You get the feeling something was fishy at this part of the script.

4) What was also fishy about this, was the fact that she went to Mr. Niles. In 2009, I don't think any adolescent would be going to a teacher to take them home. That part needs to be developed.

5) What would have prompt her to go to Mr. Niles in the first place? And what would have prompt him to willing take her home? In 2009, Mr. Niles a teacher does not has a car? I think this has to be developed. What kind of teacher is Mr. Niles? What is his personality? How is his living? What is his status? Is he married, have children, engaged or has a girlfriend?

6) When Kimberly goes to Mr. Niles, have him doing something that would have caused him to snapped, and then glancing at her quickly to realise it is her, so that he begins to have a softer tone.

7) When Kimberly comes out with Mr. Niles, to take her home, kissing noises from Henderson and the other boys could be coming from them, that would have caused Kimberly to get upset. This would have been her motive to do what she did. Also, in order for all this to happen, then the boys would still have to be around. (Obviously they wouldn't have left already)

8) Where is Kimberly's and Mr. Niles's possessions? Do they leave it in the class? Because when they dance, I would have imagine that he would have put down his briefcase, if he has one.

9) The scene needs to be developed between Kimberly and Mr. Niles.

10) The Yellow Bird song could be Kimberly's trigger.

11) Also, how did they hear the song to begin with? I know that they heard it because she was singing it, but there is no prove as to how they hear it. I got the impression from reading the script that nothing was on that cart road. Just canes and bush, so you would have to state this, to show the distance of the walk.

12) There were also some grammatical errors.

13) What is the resolution? Is Kimberly ever caught?

14) Henderson's character could have been developed some more. What was the relationship between him and Kimberly?

Marissa's Mess Climax Alternative

Officer Morgan is on his way to the gas station for his break but is stuck behind two vehicles which are moving slowly. Annoyed he turns on his sirens so that he can easily pass them.

At the gas station, robbery is in progress and robbers hearing sirens in the distance use the taxi as a get away car.

Officer Morgan turns the corner as they drive away. Maurice the taxi driver runs towards the police car ranting and waving his arms frantically letting offider morgan know that his cab has been stolen and Marissa is inside.

Officer Morgan pursues the vehicle.

Vehicle stops and there is a stand off.

Shot is fired and robber is down.

Other robber is apprehended and Marissa is saved

MAurice is in another police car on his way to the scene. He is ranting on about his car, his wife and Marissa and he is clutching a gas container

Maurice arrives at the scene more concerned about his vehicle than Marissa, he runs to his taxi with the gas can and hugs and kisses his car. He fills it with gas and inspects it from head to toe. He is interupted by a call from his wife who is very perturbed that he is not home yet and chews his ear off.

Marissa it taken home

Her dad checks in on her as she pretends to sleep. He goes down stairs to get a cup of coffee and watches the news.

A report come over about the robbery and he is engaged in the tv.

the phone rings, It is officer morgan doing a follow up call, making sure Marissa is ok.

Her father is shocked and angry

Marissa is summond and he raked over the coal by her dad

Her mom steps in and finally stands up to her husband on Marissa's behalf

Her dad realises that he is partly to blame

The family comes to a compromise

Marissa thinks she has escaped punishment and heads to her room

Her dad stops her on the steps and lets her know that she is grounded.

Marissa's Mess Critique

It is a good story. I like the twist in the middle of the story. I like the way the characters have developed and I can see the dialogue unfolding when it is scripted. However, I had enough time to read the treatment and there are areas that need to be corrected. I know it was rushed, but I am still going to state them, so that the errors would not occur in the script.

How does David get Marissa's number? It is not stated here when Marissa's dad is being ignored by her. When she is talking to David at school, you have to see the number being distributed. Next, again how can David call Marissa when he was not given her number? Also, how does he know where Marissa lives? In addition, where did he get the car from? Does he has license? How old is he? How old is Marissa? If they are underage, how can they get into a night club; furthermore, to be buying and drinking alcohol?

How can Trent take out a gun at a closed bar? The bar is stated closed, not the building. During this time, one gun is stated here, but further in the treatment, they seem to have been two guns. Where did the other gun come from?

When Maurice pulls into the gas station, Marissa obviously is in the back of the car and the attendant is there, so when Maurice looks into his wallet he tells "her" he is going to the ATM. Who is her? Who does the her refers to?

When the gas station is stick up by Trent and his brother Jake, aren't there other people both inside and outside? Where is the gas station attendant? Who called the police? Is Marissa blind? For somone who is impatient to get home, she should have been watching Maurice all this time to see what was going on. There are see through glass windows in the automart. Maybe she called the police, and that's how they knew she was in danger from the beginning.

The INT and EXT are mixed up. They can be connected if the samething is happening in the same area with other characters. For instance, INT. TAXI - NIGHT- Marissa being in the car and Trent and his brother Jake coming into the car all in the same place. In this case, the taxi. It has INT. TAXI - NIGHT - Marissa in the car... and EXT. GAS STATION - NIGHT - Trent and Jake getting into the car... They both can connect because everything is happening in the car. Then the supporting details can indicate that they are driving out off the gas station.

How did the police driving the vehicle knew everything about Maurice and parking tickets. This is Barbados, not realistic. The police is on a chase, they do not have any time to check for all of that. Did they call back to the station for the other policemen to make a scan for them? Did the police from the police station alert them on this instead? How many policemen are in the vehicle? If there are only one police vehicle, how could they have set up a road block? How many police vehicles are they? How far does Trent and Jake get, because I thought this taxi desperately needed gas? So, realistically they couldn't have driven very far because this would mean that Maurice could have dropped home Marissa first and save her the headache. So maybe the dialogue can be included that Marissa is realising this for herself. That she could have been taken home to begin with. All in the comedy and seriousness of it.

If action is happening in the road between two sides, then there cannot be an INT and definitely cannot be INT. TAXI - NIGHT because the police is not in the taxi and in this case Trent, Jake and Marissa are not in the taxi. So it should be, EXT. ROAD - NIGHT or the name of the road.

Officer Morgan explains who he is in the treatment. Who he is like who? Obviously, Trent and the others can see he is a policeman. Was Officer Morgan like Trent? Police rush in and arrest Trent...cannot be EXT. POLICE VEHICLE - NIGHT. It has to be EXT. ROAD - NIGHT because again, everything is happening in the road even though there are outside the police vehicle.

"Other police arrive on the scene." I thought the other policemen were already there. "She quickly gave her statement and she was taken home." Who is Marissa giving her statement to? Marissa is giving her statement and no sign of reporters are mention? How do they report on the matter and can show footage on what happened when they were not there? Cameras were not mentioned. Usually when police is taking a statement from you; especially, something as serious as this, they normally take some sort of contact. Either telephone numbers, cellphone numbers, addresses or all. This was not mentioned. Marissa is underaged so the officer should have insisted that he sees her parents just to make sure she was dropped off at the right address; especially, with something so serious as this. There should have been some sort of speculation as to why an underaged girl is out on the streets so late in the night by herself.

When Marissa's mother closes Marissa's bedroom door the scene becomes EXT. MARISSA'S BEDROOM - NIGHT because the focus was the bedroom, and the mother is talking to the father outside Marissa's bedroom. Unless you wanted to put, INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT.

The last two scenes could have been done this way because Marissa's mum and dad just come home, it is late and they might be tired especially waiting in the traffic at that time in the morning so long.

INT. PARENT'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Marissa's mother goes to the master bedroom bathroom. Erskine lies on the bed. He removes the remote control from the top of the draw next to the bed. He turns the television on. He sits up and stares with his mouth open, drop to the bed.

INT. TELEVISION - NIGHT
News report is on about a robbery. In the report Marissa's name is mentioned as the hostage.

INT. PARENT'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Erskine, Marissa's father belts out Marissa's name from the bedroom.

INT. MARISSA'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Marissa lies and hears her father yelling her name. She pulls the sheets over her head. She knows her parents are coming any second. She knows her charade has ended.

The ending could have been that the officer waits and Marissa's parents comes home to find the officer and he explains ignorantly what happened to their daughter. Marissa's dad thanks the officer and they all go inside. Marissa's dad and mum quarrels with her and she is grounded for the rest of the term.

I am so tired....

I have new ideas and I woke up this morning to update what I had written two days ago. I will bring to class what we would have worked on for our treatment. The story has a BIG twist at the end....Hope you guys will enjoy it....hehehehe.....

But I am so tired.....Don't you guys feel drained.....my goodness!

The Lost Hearts of Brighter Hopes [FINAL VERSION]

Kimberly Waithe, was standing at the bus stop waiting on her transportation to school. It was still early out and drew could still be seen on a plant by a nearby garden. She rechecked her bag to make sure she had all the essentials for her day and when she was satisfied, she began to over hear a conversation between two women at the bus stop.

“Yes girl! Heartman strikes again!”

“when?!”

“You ain got a Nation?! It all over de place chile! Dis body was found in Saint Andrew in a pig farm! Pigs chew up de body clean, but left de head! Unfortunately nuh body ain had no dental work fuh de man dat dem fin’”

Kimberly couldn’t help but listen in, but who were they talking about? She decided to nosey in a bit more…

“umm excuse me – Miss?..”

“yes dear?”

“I couldn’t help but hear you talking – would you be so kind as to tell me who is this “Heartman?”

“Oh! I would love to dear! But nobody knows who this man is, where he live or why de hell he doing wuh he doing?! All I gine tell you, is to keep yuh self ta yaself.”

Kimberly was in shock of what she was hearing. When she arrived at school, the same thing occurred, everyone was talking about the heart man’s latest killings. By lunch time everyone was standing or sitting around a tree with benches, and the rumor of the heartman had escalated. One boy in particular named Henderson, was in the center of the conversation, he was more pumped up than the rest of the students.

“yes man! I know what I see last week! Mr. Niles man!”

“You sure bout dis?” chimed another boy.

“I know what I see Kristopher! Mr Niles walk home that little boy from first form! And you know what happen?!”

Everyone shrugged.

“EXACTLY!” Henderson hollered.

“Dah lil boy gone missing! Nobody know where he is, de main see he ain days! He ain come school or nain so. An’ every time I try to ask Mr. Niles ‘bout it, he does get almost pale den! He is de heartman I telling you!”
“That is not so Henderson” Everyone turned around to see little framed Kimberly in the back of the small gathering.

“Who talking to you?!”

“I am! And you should not be going around spreading rumors about something you know nothing about!”

“shut up Kimberly! Ya poor grate shyte”

The children giggled, but Kimberly pressed on.

“I will not! Mr Niles is a nice man! And highly intelligent and a gentleman! He would never do what you said he did! But you ain know nuttin!”

Henderson stepped forward and walked up to Kimberly in that instant.

“ok then, let’s talk about something I DO know. What about what you told me about your daddy huh ? kim?”

“Don’t do it Henderson!”

“why not?, I tink everyone should about how he used to beat you bout and slam you head pon walls and frying pans – “

“shut up!”

“why?! Because you can’t cook!”

He laughed so hard he snorted. Kimberly was filled with rage and all she could do was leave an imprint on the side of his face with her palm. She turned away quickly and ran inside the class room with eyes burning. Mr Niles, who was sitting down behind his desk looked up the same time,

“Hey Kim, what happen? You ok?”

“Not really, would you mind if I stood inside today? Don’t really feel much like outside”

“Would you like to talk about it?”

“No sir, I would rather read if that’s ok with you.”

He nodded and continued with what he was doing. Kimberly sank into her seat at the back of the class, trying to contain herself. She took her biology book and started to make some notes, some footsteps came up behind her and an Egyptian book on rituals was placed on her desk. She looked up to see Mr Niles smiling down on her.
“If its recreational reading you want, this is one of my favorites.”

And he went back to his desk. Kimberly then began to watch his antics as he sat there in his chair, how he moved, very poised and very intense. She got so caught up in watching him that time just slipped away and soon lunch was over.

The children came streaming in the room, filling up the seats and they started to get ready for Mr. Niles’ class. Kimberly liked the class, not only because she was smitten with her teacher, but it was because she loved Maths. Logic was her thing and almost anything in the class you threw at her, she got right.

"Can anyone tell me the answer to this question?"

There was no answer from the students.

"At least the first step??..."

As he tries to teach, two young men in the class are handing out papers and passing them around. Mr. Niles starts to get annoyed with the class and just before he was about to speak a sixteen year old girl, named Kimberly started to raise her hand.

"Scuse me Sir, the answer is 6798...."

There was silence for a moment as Kimberly slowly dropped her hand. Soon after Mr. Niles smiled softly and began to nod his head in approval.

"Yes.. yes that's the answer. You did a very good job Kim"

"Thank you sir!!" She almost screamed out her gladness. The boys who were passing out the papers were being even more disruptive now giggling and and pointing at Mr. Niles and making a kissing noises at Kimberly with their mouths.

Mr. Niles starts to get a little annoyed and walks around the room and snatches the piece of paper just as it was about to be passed to another person.

“And what is this?” he asks.

“Man no sir!” pleaded Henderson, who was one of the top boys in the class.

As Mr. Niles opened the note, he slowly realizes what was hideously drawn on the piece of paper. An outline of a man holding what seemed to a heart and a little boy on the ground dead. Next to man, was an arrow with the name, “Mr. Niles” at the side.

“Who drew this?!” Mr. Niles furiously turned to face the room of now shamed faced school children. No one made a peep.

“I ask you who draw dis?!”

Still, there was silence. Mr. Niles realized, that no one was going to fess up, so he did the next best thing.

“Come here boy! You gine get made an example of!” He stepped forward in one step and grabbed Henderson Yarde from the back row. Mr. Niles dragged the young man who was a little over 6ft 2 to the front of the class on his toes.

“Now, if it’s not too much trouble, would you please entertain us, by telling the class, what you were doing passing this note around?”

Henderson's shoulders began to shake from fright, suddenly, a stutter appeared –

“I-I- c-c-can-“

“Y-y-you c-c-cant what?!” Mr. Niles taunted and turned to stare Henderson head on in his face.

“Wait sir! Wait! I gine tell you! I gine tell you now!” Some of the other children begged him not to say, others laughed in delight of the new found entertainment. Mr. Niles slammed his heavy hand the table and it echoed the whole room. Immediately, there was silence. He then pointed his finger at Henderson, so he could finish his story.

“Ok, sir, now don’t get ma-“

“Too late boy! And my patience running out!”

“Well, sir – y-yuh see right sir, ammm you rememba dere was talk going round bout lil children getting killed by dis man right?”
Henderson again begins to cautiously step away.

“Yes, I heard about it! It was on the calling programmes up to yesterday.”

“Well sir, y-yuh see right sir- you kinda… look… like… h-“

“Wuh is dah you say boy?!”

The bell rung just then and the boy picked up heels to the door, where he paused again and pointed his finger at Mr. Niles,

“HEARTMAN! HEARTMAN!HEARTMAN!! HEARTMAN!!!”

All the school children joined with Henderson and ran outside frantically seeing that Mr. Niles was making moves in their direction. However, Mr. Niles stopped frozen and just stood there, with hurt on his face and sat down quietly in his chair and began to pack up his things. A few moments after, there was a knock on the side door and a little girl about sixteen years old came in the room.

“Sir?.. Sir?!”

“Not now! I am not in the mood for your foolishment!” He then looked up to let the person have more of his fury, but then he saw who it was. Kim.

“Oh – hello dear- sorry about snapping at you, it’s been –“

“No apologies needed sir, I understand completely. Those boys are just immature.”

There was a moment of awkward silence, and Mr. Niles gently cleared his throat to urge her to explain what she wanted.

“Oh – amm sir, my dad just call me. He say he cann’ come for me and wants to know if you can walk me home this evening. Since this whole mess wid de serial killer going down he don’ want me to walk around by myself wid weirdoes about de place.”

Mr. Niles stood frozen looking at her for a long time. Kim starts to feel a little uncomfortable and tries to hurry on the conversation.

“Amm – you know what- I gine tell he sen me a taxi, don bother”

“No no no! Wait! I can do it!” he jumps up knocking some books out of his bag on to the floor and he quickly picks them up, almost trying to hide them from her. Kim rushed to his side to help him with his things and finds a very disturbing title written on one of the covers, she picks it up and reads it aloud,

“The Ancient World Occult Philosophy?”

Mr. Niles looks up paled face eyes swollen from shock and embarrassment.

“Umm- yea-.. I am doing a paper at UWI on different types of religions”

“Oh really?! That’s cool! That’s what I’m into – not the occult! The religious aspect. I’m now reading on the religions of ancient Egypt!”

She sounded excited for moment – almost too excited. Mr. Niles ushered her to the door and locked it behind them. As they began to walk out of the school yard, they began talking about different types of cultures from around the world, both ancient and modern. While doing so there was an old town hall which they passed, with an elderly choir singing a folk song called, “Yellow Bird”. Kim stopped in mid step and began singing the tune loudly. Mr. Niles was quite astonished to hear her voice, not too many youngsters knew that song, and knew it well at that! He watched her for a long time, her hips swaying under her skirt as she pretended to dance a waltz. Mr. Niles could not help himself and began to dance with her. After about a minute, Kim caught herself and what they were doing she broke the embrace and walked away at top speed! Mr. Niles had to half run to catch up to her.

“Hey Hey Hey… what’s the matter? You were doing very well.”

Kim continued walking fast with her eyes planted on the floor.

“I’m sorry sir.. I-”

“Please – “ he held her hand –

“Call me Jeffery.” He smiled reasurringly and placed his hand on her shoulder.

“Well Si- Mr.- I mean JEFFERY – I am usually a very shy person.” She slowed down a bit, taking her time now.

“Yes I see that, you are a very quite girl with a vivid imagination. You’re friends must envy your smarts”

Kim let out a large sigh and stopped again on the cart road.

“But that’s just it! I don’t have any friends!”

“I’m sure that’s not -”

“Yes it is! I am awkward and lonely! And people laugh at me once they find out what I like to do. Especially the boys. Whenever I tell one that I have a crush on them, they laugh and point and call me nerd girl or poor grate. I am just destined to be alone. Just like in the song yellowbird. ‘Yellow bird, up high in banana tree. Yellow bird, you sit all alone like me.’

Her eyes begin to tear up a bit and she begins to walk away again. Mr. Niles walks up to her and gives her a hug.

“Well I didn’t laugh at you did I.”

Kim shook her head embarrassed. She could smell his cologne in his shirt and what smelt like burnt sugar. She wondered what it could be, then she remembered she watched him eating a sugar cake today at lunch while he read his book. She was becoming very fond of Mr. Niles, he seemed like a very nice person and easy to talk to – and every good dancer. They pulled away for a bit and kept walking in silence for a couple of steps, they walked through different parts of the area, houses seemed to coming one every few meters now, till they were just seeing cane fields. The sunset had almost disappeared now and crickets were slowly coming out to sing.

“Uh, Kim?”

“Yes Mr. – sorry – Jeffery -”

“Where exactly do you live? We have been walking now for miles, it’s almost dark… are you sure that we are on the right road?”

“I think so, I don’t walk on this road a lot though, my dad usually comes for me anyways.”

“So you dad comes for you, and you don’t know how to get home? – Look, Kimberly -”

Suddenly, Kim looks around frantically,

“Wait! You hear that?!”

“No. What?”

“Jeffery! De heart man!”

“Oh come now, you don’t mean to tell me that you believe in that foolishment too! There is no heart man! I should know.”

Before he could finish, Kim grabbed Mr. Niles’ hand and began to run with him down the now darken road.

“Quick! Follow me please! I know a place where we would be safe!”

The two of then ran quickly down the cart road to an old shack, with the windows boarded up. There seemed to be an amber light coming from under the door.

“What’s that light there?” Mr. Niles asked. Kim paused at the door, and looked over her shoulder and beckoned him to follow her.

“Come.”

“NO! That’s breaking an entering!”

“Well I’m going! And if you were a gentleman, you would help me. Suppose de heart man in dey?!”

“So why de ass you gine in fuh?!”

“I thought you said there was no Heartman Jeffery”

“Well there isn’t! Well what I mean is-”

Before he could finish the argument Kim was already inside. Jeffery had to follow.

When he entered, there were candles in beakers, roses and lilies all over the room. A simple bed with white sheets and a pillow. There were little jars on a shelf with some sort of organs in them. He left the door and continued to walk around in the one room shack. He then heard a click of the door and turned around swiftly to see Kim with a wirily smile on her face.

“Kim?-”

“Before you start, let me talk first. It’s very important what I have to tell you. Now firstly, I live here, in this shack. Not with anyone just me. I don’t have any parents or relatives to keep me. I go to school up the road and then I come here, my haven ok? The things in those jars, are like my collections of things I have dissected.”

Mr. Niles looked on very confused and bewildered.

“What you mean dissected?”

“Well, I tend to play doctor on some domestic animals around the place. You know cut them open and try to find out, what – makes – them – tick…”

Kim then grabbed a pair of rubber gloves from the side of the table and gently put them on, and snapped the end on to her wrist. Mr. Niles now, very shaken is wondering what was happening to him with the school girl half his age.

“Look Kim – I don’t understand this at all – and quite frankly, I’m a lil concerned with how you carrying on. Please open the door so I can-”

“Leave?!”

She screamed the word loudly.

“No No No.. You can’t be like the rest Jeffery! Please don’t be like the rest.”

“What are you going on about now?”

“The rest of men in my life – I want you to stay here with me! We could talk for hours about any and everything, you don’t treat me like a freak. And if you come, I – I won’t be alone anymore…”

“I’ve had enough of this shyte girl! Open the blasted door!! You need some help Kim. Some serious help!”

“But – but I love you! I love you Jeffery!!”

“Mr. Niles to you.”

Kim opened her eyes wide! As if being filled with a terrifying rage. She grabbed a can of aerosol that was close to the gloves on the table and began spraying wildly in his direction. Mr. Niles immediately drops to the floor, squinting and trying focus properly.

“What you do to me?!”

“Making sure you stay Jeffery. You can stay here with me, forever. Instead of me watching from a distance.”

“Huh? What?!”

Mr. Niles head was positively out of it. His head was spinning so fast, even though he was sitting still.

You have no idea how much I love you do you?. I used to watch you every day at class how you used to teach. The way you ate, who you talked to. Then I followed you to UWI one day and snuck in a lecture you had about the Occult and I got hooked! You are so intelligent and gentleman like.”

Tears start to stream down her face as she goes for a craving knife on the shelf.

“Then the news of the stupid heart man came up and everyone saying it was you! I could not take it anymore I had to do something!”

Her gaze leaves Mr. Niles’ face and follows to the jars on the shelves.

“Oh good God, Kim – you didn’t!”

“I didn’t have a choice! I saw how they treated you day in and day out! They had no right! They teased me too, so I knew what it felt like!”

“But you don’t have to kill me too!”

“Do you love me?”

“What?!”

“Wrong answer! I’m sorry Jeffery, I really am… you seemed to be a nice guy, but I guess I was wrong. You were just like the rest. Just like my father, just like Henderson. No one wants to love me.”

Mr. Niles tried to stand up but whatever she gave him had him good. He could neither stand or crawl and now he was having difficulty in talking. His speech began to slur.
“No no I’m not! You can be a sweet girl – “

Kimberly bent down over Mr. Niles and covered his mouth with her hand.

“shhhh, im talking. And of course you are! My father used to beat on me over and over, till my eyes were swollen shut! And for no reason at all. Henderson – “

She sighed,

“Henderson, Henderson, Henderson – one of the cutest boys in the school. Popular! Came to me for help on an assignment. He played me, cuz that’s all he wanted, and when I found out it was too late! He told everybody about what I told him about my father. Smug little fucker.”

Mr. Niles began to speak again,

“I’m sor-“

“and you!, “ Kimberly screamed

“You were the worst! You led me on! I pined for you all day in class! Couldn’t you tell? Pushed up in class to get all the work right.”

Mr. Niles begins to whimper as his body goes limp and weary. Kimberly looks down on him as if her were a scared puppy.

“Aww don’t worry MR. NILES, that spray I gave you is filled with ether. Someething else I learnt from reading shit! It will eventually paralyze you. Don’t worry MR. NILES you have nothing to worry about, not where you are going”

She bends over him one last time and gave him gentle kiss. She could see him half awake, half asleep on the floor – it was time. She took a glass jar from the shelf, and placed it next to Mr. Niles. She placed her small fingers around the knife and began to cut into Mr. Niles, like a Christmas ham, while humming the tune to Yellow Bird. Mr. Niles screamed softly in pain for a moment, then, all was silent. Kim took his heart and etched Kim loves Jeffery on the front and placed it in the jar on the table. She dragged the body outside and dug a grave. On top she placed all the flowers on top of it. When she was done she grabbed a very girly looking book from under the bed and turned to the last page she had written on, with the face of Henderson on it. She circled it and smiled wittily. She picked up her cell phone and called Henderson’s number. The phone rang a bit, until she heard his voice.

“Hello?”

“Hi Henderson?”

“Yes?”

“This is Kim, from school?”

“Oh.. and what do you want now??”

“Umm, messy but fine. Anyways...Umm would you mind walking me home tomorrow evening? I don't know anyone else who would in class and my dad won’t be able to pick me up, he will be busy at work all evening and he doesn’t want a helpless girl like me on the road by herself…”

THE END

Treatment - The Heart Man

Beginning:
Flashback of the ending of the story

EXT. HUNTER'S HOUSE - MORNING
A bloody butchered knife is caught in Humphrey's right hand. Humphrey is handcuffed by the police. Lieutenant Barry and Sergeant Larry got out of the police vehicle as quickly as they can and rushed to Humphrey with their guns in their hands. Humphrey is pushed into the polices' vehicle.

INT. LODGE SCHOOL CLASSROOM - DAY
Hunter is teaching Mathematics in the classroom. He is writing mathematics problems on the board. Everyone is paying attention. Chris and Tito look at each other. Hunter asks the students in the class the mathematical question. They look around at each other as Hunter stares at them. Chris incorrectly responds. Hunter responds. Tito also responds incorrectly. Hunter responds to the students in a jovial way. He informs them of lessons after school. The students sigh in regret.

EXT. QUEEN ELIZABETH HOSPITAL - DAY
Establishing shot of building.

INT. QUEEN ELIZABETH HOSPITAL - DAY
Humphrey is monitoring Susan McCastie's heart. His cellphone immediately rings. It is his wife Michelle.

INT. LAW FIRM - DAY
Michelle is talking to her husband Humphrey after calling him.

INT. QUEEN ELIZABETH HOSPITAL - AFTERNOON
Humphrey allows Nurse Pace to know he is leaving the hospital early. Nurse Pace responds to him.

EXT. LODGE SCHOOL CAR PARK - AFTERNOON
Humphrey gets out of his car. His two daughters wait in the car until he comes back. Humphrey walks to the school hall.

INT. LODGE SCHOOL HALL - AFTERNOON
His son is waiting in the school hall. Immediately as Humphrey is approaching the school hall, he runs into his twin brother Hunter. Hunter and Humphrey talk to each other for awhile. Hunter acknowledges to Humphrey he has to go to his after school lessons.

EXT. LODGE SCHOOL CAR PARK - AFTERNOON
Humphrey and his son approaches his car. Humphrey looks back at his brother as he walks to his car.

INT. LODGE SCHOOL CAR PARK - AFTERNOON
Humphrey and his son get into the car. Humphrey drives off and takes his children home.

INT. LODGE SCHOOL CAR PARK - EVENING
Hunter gets into his car and leaves.

EXT. CANE FIELDS - EVENING
The Heart Man is seen from behind. He grabs Dwayne Husbands and kills him from behind. He carefully cuts open his chest and takes his heart out. He pulls Dwayne Husbands into the middle of the cane field and leaves Dwayne's heart resting on his chest.

Middle:

INT. RADIO - MORNING
News reports is heard on the radio that 13 year old Dwayne Husbands, student from the Lodge school appeared missing. He was last seen yesterday by his peers and teachers. Anyone knowing the whereabouts of Dwayne Husbands is kindly ask to locate the nearest police station.

INT. HUNTER'S CAR - MORNING
Hunter hears the news report about his student Dwayne Husbands on the radio.

INT. PRINCIPAL OFFICE - MORNING
Principal Alleyne questions Hunter on the missing of his student. Hunter informs the principal that his students left before he did, and he did not hear or see anything strange.

EXT. THE PLAYING FIELD - MORNING
Two days later, students of the Lodge school found a dead body in the nearby cane fields. They were playing when they smelt a terrible odor. Police comes on the scene and investigates the body. The dead body was identified as Dwayne Husbands who was missing three days ago. Hunter is questioned by the police.

INT. RADIO - AFTERNOON
News report goes out that Dwayne Husbands who appeared missing three days ago is dead. He was found with his chest neatly cut open and his heart rested on top of his chest. His body also had severe stab wounds in the back and head.

INT. QUEEN ELIZABETH HOSPITAL - AFTERNOON
Humphrey hears the news report. Humphrey is questioned by Nurse Pace. Humphrey calls his brother Hunter.

INT. LODGE SCHOOL STAFFROOM - AFTERNOON
The staffroom telephone rings. Hunter answers it. It is his twin brother Humphrey. Hunter and Humphrey converse.

INT. LODGE SCHOOL STAFFROOM - EVENING
Hunter stays back at school to plan his lessons for the next day.

EXT. LODGE SCHOOL CAR PARK - EVENING
As Hunter was about to get into his car, he sees Tony Boyce waiting for his parents. He goes over to him to question him. Hunter calls Tony's mother, Harriet Boyce.

INT. HARRIET'S OFFICE - EVENING
Harriet's telephone rings. Hunter is on the other line. They both converse and decides that Hunter will drop him off at her workplace.

INT. HUNTER'S CAR - EVENING
Hunter and Tony get into the car. Hunter nods to Guard Kevin.

INT. GUARD HUT - EVENING
Guard Kevin nods back.

INT. HUNTER'S CAR - EVENING
Hunter drives off and drops off Tony in front of his mother's workplace.

EXT. HARRIET'S WORKPLACE - EVENING
Tony is grabbed outside the entrance door.

EXT. PARKING LOT - EVENING
He is murdered. His body is found dead behind the parking lot.

INT. SECURITY'S OFFICE - NIGHT
Officer Warden calls the police.

INT. POLICE STATION - NIGHT
The telephone rings. Lieutenant Barry answers the phone. He is inform on the murder.

INT. HARRIET'S OFFICE - NIGHT
Officer Warden knocks on Harriet's door. She is inform on her son's death.

EXT. PARKING LOT - NIGHT
Police investigate the scene. Hunter is called in to go to the station.

INT. POLICE STATION - NIGHT
Lieutenant Barry and Sergeant Larry question Hunter on the murder of Tony. He leaves the station after questioning.

INT. HUNTER'S HOME - NIGHT
Hunter is talking to his mother. His brother Humphrey calls him while he is still talking to his mother. He ends the call with Humphrey and continue to talk with his mum.

INT. HUNTER'S HOME - MORNING
Hunter reports sick for work.

INT. RADIO & TELEVISION - MORNING
News report comes in that another Lodge school student was murdered yesterday. Tony Boyce was last seen with his teacher, Hunter Robinson. Hunter Robinson is the number one suspect. Police is still carrying out investigations.

INT. STEPHEN'S HOME - MORNING
Shocking Stephen picks up his telephone to call Hunter.

INT. HUNTER'S HOME - MORNING
Hunter hesitantly answers his telephone. Hunter and Stephen converse.

INT. HUMPHREY'S HOME - EVENING
Humphrey's children are already home. Wife Michelle took the children home.

EXT. CANE FIELDS - EVENING
Humphrey waits among the fields as Sheldon Norris pass. Humphrey grabs the young lad. Sheldon elbows Humphrey in his lower body and immediately pulls away. He looks back and sees Humphrey's face. He runs home.

INT. SHIRLEY'S HOME - EVENING
Sheldon Norris goes home and tells his mother, Shirley Norris what had happened. He tells his mom it was Hunter who grabbed him. She reports the incident to the police.

EXT. HUNTER'S HOUSE - EVENING
Lieutenant Barry and Sergeant Larry rush to Hunter and handcuff him. Shocking Hunter is pushed into the police vehicle.

INT. RADIO - NIGHT
News report comes through that police have made an arrest. Hunter Robinson is the Heart Man. He attacked Sheldon Norris, another student from the Lodge school, but he fail to kill. Sheldon Norris was able to pull himself away and saw his attacker's face. He identified the attacker as his teacher, Hunter Robinson.

INT. HUMPHREY'S HOME - NIGHT
Humphrey's wife Michelle overreacts. Suspicious Humphrey is in physical pain, but doesn't show it. He calls his mother.

INT. MUMMY ROBINSON'S HOME - NIGHT
Mummy Robinson's telephone rings. It is Humphrey. They both converse on Hunter's situation. Mummy Robinson becomes suspicious.

INT. HUMPHREY'S HOME - NIGHT
Disturbed Humphrey puts down the telephone in his mother's ears.

INT. QUESTIONING ROOM - NIGHT
Hunter's lawyer questions him further. They converse. Stephen leaves Hunter.

INT. JAIL CELL - NIGHT
Hunter patiently awaits bail.

INT. JAIL CELL - MORNING
Hunter is released on bail.

EXT. HUNTER'S HOUSE - MORNING
Hunter returns home.

End:

INT. HUNTER'S HOME - MORNING
Hunter goes into his home and finds his twin brother Humphrey in his house. Hunter asks Humphrey questions. Humphrey does not respond. Humphrey pulls a butcher knife from behind him. Hunter becomes scared. Hunter's cell phone lies in his pocket. Hunter presses the last dial call on his cellular phone. Hunter's last dial on cell phone calls Stephen.

INT. STEPHEN'S HOME - MORNING
Stephen listens while he is calling the police. He leaves his house.

INT. STEPHEN'S CAR - MORNING
Stephen drives quickly to the police station.

INT. POLICE VEHICLE - MORNING
Lieutenant Barry, Sergeant Larry and Stephen is in the vehicle. Lieutenant Barry drives quickly to Hunter's house.

INT. HUNTER'S HOME - MORNING
Hunter and Humphrey converse. Humphrey jumps in fright when he hears Tito and Chris' knock on the door. Hunter realises it is his students Chris and Tito outside his front door. Hunter tries shouting to his students. Humphrey prevents Hunter by rushing at him with the butcher knife and stabbing him in the chest with it. Hunter quickly drops to the floor.

EXT. HUNTER'S HOUSE - MORNING
Humphrey quickly opens the door and rushes to Tito and Chris. Chris stumbles off the first step. Tito is stabbed in his right foot. Lieutenant Barry, Sergeant Larry and Stephen arrive and find Humphrey with the butcher knife in his right hand. Lieutenant Barry and Sergeant Larry rush quickly to Humphrey to arrest him. The ambulance arrives. The ambulance tends to Tito and Chris.

INT. HUNTER'S HOME - MORNING
Stephen rushes into Hunter's home to rescue him. The ambulance tends to Hunter.

INT. RADIO & TELEVISION - MORNING
News report goes out that Humphrey, Hunter's identical twin brother is the killer. He is the Heart Man. Hunter was stabbed in the chest, Tito in his right foot and Chris suffers severe head injury.

INT. HUMPHREY'S HOME - MORNING
Michelle Robinson, Humphrey's wife stays in shock.

INT. MUMMY ROBINSON'S HOME - MORNING
Mummy Robinson stays in shock and relieve at the same time.

INT. JAIL CELL - MORNING
Michelle pays Humphrey a visit in his cell.

INT. QUEEN ELIZABETH HOSPITAL - MORNING
Mummy Robinson visits her son Hunter in the hospital. Hunter lies there in critical conditions. Chris Marville's parents, Patrick Marville and Sophia Marville along with Tito Mosquito's parents, Terek Mosquito and Deborah Mosquito comes to the hospital to see their children.

Three Months Later:

INT. MUMMY ROBINSON'S HOME - MORNING
Hunter Robinson is on bed rest.

INT. MARVILLES' HOME - MORNING
Patrick and Sophia's son Chris is recovering.

INT. MOSQUITOS' HOME - MORNING
Terek and Deborah's son Tito is getting better.

INT. DODD'S PRISON - MORNING
Humphrey is charged with life in prison.