The Heart Man script report by Alicat

Hunter Robinson and Humphrey Robinson are twin brothers. Hunter is a school teacher and Humphrey is a doctor. They have a strained relationship due to Humphrey's' believe that Hunter is the favoured child by their mother who insists that she loves both her boys.

As a teacher, Hunter enjoys his work and has a great relationship with his students especially Tito Mosquito and Chris Marville.

Humphrey Robinson is a surgeon. He has his own practice and is very successful. He is happily married to Michelle who is a lawyer and they have three children Luanna, Samantha and Ramiah.

One afternoon after Hunter completes his after school lessons, one of his students, Dwayne Husbands is attacked and killed; his chest is ripped opened and his heart removed. News of the death circulate and Hunter is questioned by Lieutenant Barry.

Humphrey on hearing the news of the attack contacts his brother to offer support.

Another evening Hunter leaves school late after preparing lessons. He notices a student, Tony Boyce is waiting alone. He offers to contact his mother and subsequently offers him a ride to her office when she indicates that she is unable to pick him up as scheduled. Hunter drops Tony off at the stairs of his mothers workplace and leaves, Tony is attacked and killed his heart removed and placed on his chest.

Hunter is summoned to the station where he is questioned by Sergeant Larry and Lieutenant Barry about Tony. Hunter is now the main suspect but declares his innocence.

Mummy Robinson contacts he son offering him support and encouragement.

News of the killings and the Hunter as the suspect are released to the public. Hunters lawyer Stephen Rowe contacts him to offer advice.

Sheldon Norris is walking home, he is attacked by the heart man but manages to escape and also catches a glimpse of his attacker. He identifies him as Hunter Robinson,

Hunter is arrested while maintaining his innocence.

Humphrey and Michelle are shocked about the news and Humphrey contacts his mother. Mummy Robinson is distraught and does not believe what she hears and defends her son.

Hunter spends the night in jail and is released on bail the next morning by his lawyer. He returns home to find Humphrey there with a knife in his hand waiting for him. An argument begins and Humphrey reveals his anger for his sibling . He explains his belief that Hunter is the favorite and he confesses to the murders of the children and his father and promises to kill Hunter. Hunter presses the cell phone in his pocket and his Lawyer, Stephen is alerted. The police are called and everyone heads to Hunters home. Meanwhile Tito and Chris arrive at the house for lessons and are attacked by Humphrey. The police arrive and arrest Humphrey and save the children. Hunter is placed in the hospital and Humphrey is sent to jail. His Wife Michelle visits him and expresses shock and anger at his behavior, while mummy Robinson visits an unconscious Hunter in the hospital.


The story is well written, it reads smoothly and is easy to follow. The concept is great, it gives a new spin on old Barbadian folklore which has never been told in film, making it original and exciting. The plot is very good and keeps your interest from beginning to end. The structure of the story which incorporates murder mystery and touches on the issues of sibling rivalry provides a great platform for this type of film to be told. The characters are fantastic and come alive within the script. The main characters are intriguing as well as the supporting characters who assist in strenghening the focal characters well. The script is very visual, scenes are easy to visualise because descriptions from scene to scene are very clear. This being said there are areas of the script which do not work effectively. Script has too much unnecessary dialogue which can be removed in order to allow the potentially fantastic visual images to come to the fore. Characters can be developed more in order to tie the storyline together. Writer needs to ensure that she relays her story in the correct tense at all times. The major task of the writer will be to ensure that the mystery of the killer remains as such until the revelation. The writer gives away the killers identity much too early removing the suspense from the script. The writer also hints repeatedly throughout the script, the possibility of who the killer is, steering her audience into figuring out before she is ready.

Script needs tidying. Writer must pay attention to scene headings and dialogue headings. e.g:
Pg 1, 2Dialogue headings missing. Writer must be careful to indicate who is speaking at all times to ensure that the reader follows the story. Pg 9 Scene heading is missing:

Int. Queen Elizabeth Hospital. Afternoon

Humphrey Robinson
I was not there today

Int. Lodge School Staffroom. Afternoon
I mean three days ago. You didn't see anything suspicious.
I mean you wouldn't know the usual atmosphere
around here, but did you see anything that appeared odd?

Script has too much dialogue in some areas, the technique of show not tell needs to be applied for e.g: pg 3 Humphrey Robinson and his wife have a lengthy conversation about picking up the kids which is not the focal point of the story.

There are areas in the script which need to be expanded on :

pg 7 Ext. The Playing Field - Morning.

Dialogue is needed scenes need to be expanded. A number of scenes are happening which the writer has bunched together into one scene.

Plot is given away much to early. Too many hints throughout the story telling you who the killers is. for e.g Pg 25