critique for lost hearts of brighter hope

Keisha has a great concept and provides a good storyline for her script. the plot is strong with interesting twists and conflict. The characters are also very interesting; especially the main characters. Kimberly and Mr. Niles as well as Henderson. The way that Keisha presents the story is also interesting.She establishes the thesis early and then builds the suspense. The ending is also good as it provides an unexpected and shocking resolution to the storyline. Although the provides these great elements, there are ares that the writer can build on: Continuity from one scene to another needs to be tighter. Some scenes end abruptly which causes some confusion when trying to follow the story. Action and reaction of characters to areas of conflict in the story e.g when kimberley slaps Henderson, we need to see his reaction as well as Kimberley and the children around them. Some characters can be utilized more in the script for e.g Henderson. Some areas of the script also have room for development e.g the scee where Kim and Mr. Niles walk home, the sequence of events which follow can be stregthened. The plot is too informative. Giving away the villian too early for e.g when Kim tells Niles about the jars which she has displayed. It takes away from the suspense as the reader begins to realize that Kim may not be as innocent as she appears. It is an otherwise great story!