The Lost Hearts of Brighter Hopes Synopsis

Synopsis
The neighbours stands at the bus stop gossiping about what has happened to persons that died. They gossip about the killer they called the Heart Man just then Kimberly passes and overhears the whole conversation. She is appalled at their comments even though they are not aware on who the Heart Man is.

Kimberly makes her way to school as she is still surrounded by the talks of the Heart Man from the students. She feels uneasy about it, but she pretends as though it does not bother her. Henderson, a student at the same school as Kimberly accuses Mr. Niles, their teacher, of being the Heart Man. Kimberly pretends that she does not know who the Heart Man is, and she stops Henderson from blaming and accusing Mr. Niles of such accusations. Henderson gets ranted with Kimberly because of this, and so he brings up incidences that happened at Kimberly's home between her father and herself which Kimberly confided in him about that causes Kimberly to give Henderson a hard slap in his face. This slap causes her to go running inside the classroom, where Mr. Niles her teacher is.

This run by Kimberly causes Mr. Niles to look up at her. He asks her if everything is okay. She responds to him by letting him know everything is not alright, but she rather not talk about it. She reads in the classroom until it was class time. In the classroom Mr. Niles asks the students the answer to a question he placed on the board. No one knew the answer, except for Kimberly who said the correct answer. Mr. Niles tells her that the answer she gave is correct. This causes the boys in the classroom to make kissing noises at her. Shortly after this, the children in the classroom are caught passing around paper at each other and Mr. Niles catches them in the middle of this act. The note on the paper had on a drawing with Mr. Niles's name written on it. The paper also had a man holding a heart in one hand and a little boy on the ground dead. Mr. Niles grabs Henderson, who he got the note from in the first place, to speak up. Mr. Niles's patience runs out. The children talk loudly so that Henderson does not say who wrote it, and Henderson ends up not saying who did write it because the bell rings and interrupts this tensity that was build up by the children and Henderson. Henderson is set free and he leaves the classroom pointing at Mr. Niles while calling him the Heart Man.

All this time Kimberly is not seen, but she comes back to Mr. Niles who does not realise it is her at first, so he snaps. On realising it is Kimberly, he politely apologizes to her and acknowledges her presence. Kimberly agrees with why Mr. Niles would have reacted in the manner he did. She alerts him that her dad would not be able to take her home and her dad wanted to know if he could take her. Mr. Niles obviously stun by her approach, eventually tells her yes he will take her home. They talk about any and everything while leaving and on their way to Kimberly's home. She asks him about his studies at UWI; what he is studying because of some books that he clumsily knock out of his bag onto the floor.

Kimberley sings and dances to the "Yellow Bird" song. She pretends to be embarrassed when Mr. Niles stares at her. Mr. Niles eventually dances with Kimberly until she pulls away. They both get caught up in the moment. She gets closer to her home so she pretends to be afraid of the heart man. She runs into a shack place that turned out to be hers. Mr. Niles does not know this until he enters and Kimberly reveals to him that the place is hers. Mr. Niles grew afraid of his life and Kimberly slowly kills him when he does not give into her plans or will. After killing Mr. Niles and burying him, she finally calls Henderson and alludes to him to take her home tomorrow because her dad would not be able to.

Notes
General

The things that were good:
The plot of the story. The twist that it gave where Kimberly was the heart woman all along when everyone thought and still thinks it is a man. She being able to listen on what everyone had to say was able to do things differently according to what she heard.

The development of the characters.

Establishing the suspense in the script from early.

The cleverness of Kimberly.

The scene outside and inside the classroom.

And the scene on the cart road between Kimberly and Mr. Niles.

The things that could have been improved:
However, there were quite a bit that needed reworking. For instance, where did the neighbours come from? Are they her neighbours? One of them would have known something was up with her because she lives by herself. In Barbados, when you think your neighbours do not know anything, they usually know more than you think. Didn't someone saw her digging holes in the back of her shack? Didn't they smell a stench? The neighbours were only mentioned at the beginning and no other part in the script. Not even in the end. This would have helped with a resolution of the script because the script is never solved. It is left hanging (incomplete). Malicious neighbours would have bound to know that she got back in with a man with her.

EXT. SCHOOL YARD - MIDDAY page 3 is one word. Not *Mid day*. I would have liked to see the reaction of the children, Henderson and Kimberly's faces, after she gave him the slap.

There was no prove that Kimberly ever spoke to her father after school was over, so Kimberly telling Mr. Niles that her dad cannot come for her was weird. You get the feeling something was fishy at this part of the script.

What was also fishy about this, was the fact that she went to Mr. Niles. In 2009, I do not think any adolescent would be going to a teacher to take them home, unless they were very bold and interested in the teacher. And this does not add up to the persona of the character. That part needs to be developed some more.

What would have prompt her to go to Mr. Niles in the first place? And what would have prompt him to willingly take her home? In 2009, Mr. Niles a teacher does not has a car? I think this has to be developed. What kind of teacher is Mr. Niles? What is his personality? How is his living? What is his status? Is he married, have children, engaged or has a girlfriend?

When Kimberly goes to Mr. Niles, have him doing something that requires him to snap and then glancing at her quickly to realise it is her, so that he begins to have a softer tone.

When Kimberly comes out with Mr. Niles to take her home, kissing noises from Henderson and the other boys could be coming from them, that would have caused Kimberly to get upset. This would have been her motive to do what she did. Also, in order for all this to happen, then the boys would still have to be around. (Obviously, they wouldn't have left already).

Where is Kimberly's and Mr. Niles's possessions? As small as it may seem, I do not see it. Do they leave it in the classroom? Simply because when they dance, I would have imagine that he would have put down his briefcase, if he has one.

The scene needs to be developed between Kimberly and Mr. Niles.

The Yellow Bird song could be Kimberly's trigger.

Also, how did they hear the song to begin with? I know that they heard it because she was singing it, but there is no prove as to how they hear it. I got the impression from reading the script that nothing was on that cart road. Just canes and bushes, so you would have to state this, to show the distance of the walk.

There were also some grammatical errors. I know you spoke in Bajan dialect, but they were verb disagreements and misspelt words.

What is the resolution? Is Kimberly ever caught? I wanted to see how everyone found out that it was a heart woman instead of a man, and also, does Kimberly kill the entire boy population in her class? We know that she was aiming for Henderson the next day. Someone would have bound to realise that Mr. Niles haven't turned up for class and now Henderson and they were last seen with Kimberly.

Henderson's character could have been developed some more. What was the relationship between him and Kimberly?

Does anyone including Henderson asked Kimberly where is her father and how did he die?

Scene 1 Page 1
Where is the bus stop location? Where is Kimberly's home? Why a bus stop scene? How close do these neighbours live to Kimberly? Does Kimberly know them? Do they know Kimberly?

Scene 2 Pages 2-3
Outside where the children are playing before class: I wanted to see the children's faces; especially, Henderson's. I wanted to see how the slap was given by Kimberly. I wanted to see the intensity of the slap and how Kimberly looks when she runs inside the classroom.

Scene 3 Pages 4-6
The students expression when they made the kissing noises: do all the children make kissing noises? How many children are in this class? Is Kimberly the only girl in the classroom? I get that feeling that she is. To what extent is the intensity in the classroom? Why is Henderson caught? Who actually passed the note? Who wrote it? Is Kimberly seen throughout this? The dialogue seems unrealistic between a scared student and an angry teacher. What kind of teacher is Mr. Niles? What is his persona? Kimberly needs to seen leaving to use her phone, so that she asking Mr. Niles to take her home looks realistic and honest. Why does she asks Mr. Niles to take her home than Henderson who she later asks? Why the Occult religion book? It makes it look as though they both kill together or something, or that she knows Mr. Niles dark secrets about these killings.

Scene 4
Why the Yellow Bird song? What was the motive behind it? Again what is Mr. Niles's persona? Why would he danced with Kimberly? Why does Mr. Niles runs into the house with Kimberly even though he felt it was abandoned and unsafe? Hence, what was his motive here again.

Scene 5
Kimberly gives off the suspense too early. As soon as you enter her home you know that she is the heart woman. The suspense should be given near to the end that would have caused her to kill Mr. Niles in the first place. I think the unravelling of the suspense could be left up to Mr. Niles. Cause him to be suspicious that he opens the areas where Kimberly has them stored. While he does this have Kimberly coming back and catching him. This would leave Mr. Niles with two choices, either stay with Kimberly and be apart of her world, or try to get away and alert the police on the Heart Woman. Kimberly should not call Henderson because this leaves the story hanging. And why does her father gets killed by her? What did he do to her that would have caused her to kill him?And how was he killed? And where?