The visual imagery in the script was strong in that it allowed us to watch the story unfold off of the page. Also the described action in each scene I thought was clear enough and to the point.
I loved the scene between .....
The believability of some of the character dialogue needs reworking. I don't find the conversation between Humphrey and his mother realistic.
The story was great until about page 15 where the audience can grasp who the killer is. Even later on in the story there are more clues that point to who the killer is. You may want to hold back much longer to build the tension and suspense that you were creating so well.
You may want to rework the names in the script more. The names add to a comedic element in the script. That is of course if you don't want the scrip to be a comedy.
The killing of the father wasn't explained in detail. You may want to give more insight as to why and how the father was killed.
I really think this script is strong...and I would love to see it filmed.....!
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