Officer Morgan is on his way to the gas station for his break but is stuck behind two vehicles which are moving slowly. Annoyed he turns on his sirens so that he can easily pass them.
At the gas station, robbery is in progress and robbers hearing sirens in the distance use the taxi as a get away car.
Officer Morgan turns the corner as they drive away. Maurice the taxi driver runs towards the police car ranting and waving his arms frantically letting offider morgan know that his cab has been stolen and Marissa is inside.
Officer Morgan pursues the vehicle.
Vehicle stops and there is a stand off.
Shot is fired and robber is down.
Other robber is apprehended and Marissa is saved
MAurice is in another police car on his way to the scene. He is ranting on about his car, his wife and Marissa and he is clutching a gas container
Maurice arrives at the scene more concerned about his vehicle than Marissa, he runs to his taxi with the gas can and hugs and kisses his car. He fills it with gas and inspects it from head to toe. He is interupted by a call from his wife who is very perturbed that he is not home yet and chews his ear off.
Marissa it taken home
Her dad checks in on her as she pretends to sleep. He goes down stairs to get a cup of coffee and watches the news.
A report come over about the robbery and he is engaged in the tv.
the phone rings, It is officer morgan doing a follow up call, making sure Marissa is ok.
Her father is shocked and angry
Marissa is summond and he raked over the coal by her dad
Her mom steps in and finally stands up to her husband on Marissa's behalf
Her dad realises that he is partly to blame
The family comes to a compromise
Marissa thinks she has escaped punishment and heads to her room
Her dad stops her on the steps and lets her know that she is grounded.
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I like this version better. There are more intricate conflicts happening. Also you carry on right to the end with seeing everyone's point of view through each of the "play by play". I have seen that you have added in the taxi driver some more and I think it was a good decision, he gives some comic relief in some of the moments.
ReplyDeleteThe ending - well I like both - the previous and this one as well. In the first ending you guys wrote, it would leave some suspense for viewers watching the film, and you may feel for Marissa more, because she went through that whole ordeal gets caught and now "the big ogre is coming to destroy her". That ending to me has more of a comedic element at the end and also leaves the audience closing their eyes and shaking their heads for Marissa, because even though we don't see the end result we KNOW the girl's goose is cooked.
The second ending, (above) ties up all the ends right to the last moment. There is a resolution between Marissa and her parents, and she gets to tell them how she feels, the mother stands up to the father, the father backs off a bit from every one and Marissa still gets her punishment. Even though less funny, you connect with the characters even more and they are given a human side. You give the story a point (not that the other ending didn't work) but this one - this one has "more bite to it".. for lack of a better word.
I like both pieces they both work, but it is up to both of you to decide as the writers which one you deem more appropriate for the feeling you want the viewers to get.
Bless!
Keisha =)