"Sea of Pressure"

The Sea of Pressure

It was smack in the middle of the year nineteen ninety eight. All primary school students would have completed their common entrance exam and we were all awaiting the results. As is the norm every summer, many of us would flock to the beach. My parents' instructions were clear as the water in the sea. Never go to the beach alone. My best friend Kevin was looking forward to find out which school he would be going to and if we would end up at the same school. I wondered it too because most people lose their primary school buddies when they leave to their next course of study.
It was one week before the release of all results. It was fever pitch in the classrooms. All we could talk about was which school we thought we were going to. Kevin came up with a brilliant idea and suggested that all of us in class four one, go to the beach on Friday because it was the day after our results would be made public. All of us agreed. It was the last time we had to share our fondest memories with one another. It was Thursday and our friends from St.Leonards Secondary came after school for the usual soccer practice session. I wasn't the best of footballers but Kevin was very good. He encouraged me to play and that is how I made the school team that year. One of the footballers said that we should go to the beach and have a warm down. Of course knowing guys as usual, the only warm down you can do at the beach is to play another game of football!
I didn't know how to tell the guys that I couldn't go. I remembered my parents instructions. Damn! What was I to say. I was going to lie. Come up with a story if you will. Anything to take away the shame but while I was thinking about my story Kevin came in and said that I can't go because of my parents. The guys laughed of course. That's what guys do. I was angry at Kevin. I asked him why he did it. He said he knew I wouldn't tell the truth. He knew me so well but still he shouldn't have done that. He should asked me first. After all of the laughter aimed my direction, I withdrew myself from the group and went home.

They walked from school all the way down to Brandons beach and over to what was the then popular "Hot Pot." Now bajans know the "Hot Pot" very well because the rum distillery had an enormous pipe which released air from the distillery into the water. This of course caused a rippling current against the tide and if one were to enter the sea near the entrance of the pipe, the rippling current would feel like a powerful masage in the water. I was at home thinking about this enjoyable experience I am missing out on, all due to my parents indiscretion. I pondered on leaving the house, sneaking out if you will. I really thought about it, so I was ready to execute my plan. I was going to sneak out of the house and leave. I did so and I was caught. My grandmother hauled me back inside and told me to stay put. She too wasn't receiving any Christmas presents that year.
Hours passed and all could think about were my friends having a good time at sea and then a news bulletin came over the radio, recapping a headline about boys drowning at sea. Instatly I turned on the television. The report was midway through when I started feeling unsettled. I felt something wrong. The report continued by saying that the bodies of two brothers were still missing and I knew, I knew exactly what they were saying. I wanted more news. I wanted updates nothing. I knew that I lost my best friend and his brother. I knew that if I were there, I would have drowned too but they said that they couldn't find the bodies. There was still hope.
Three days after tireless search efforts. Nothing. Not one body. It took me a few years to really come to grips of losing my best friend. His mother took it tragically. I know how it feels to have a funeral service for a loved one, cherishing their life and you are unable to see their body being lowered into the earth. She broke down. She is not the same person now. All my parents kept reminding me was their order that I followed. That was what I followed until after my fifteenth birthday. It was summer all over again and most of my friends once again were at the beach. This time around most of them had their drivers license. They took themselves to the beach without the use of public transportation. My best friend Traimaine and I always talked about jumping off Crane beach's cliff. This is one of the highest cliffs in Barbados. We had planned this many times and today would be the day to do it. When we made our ascent to the top of the cliff, the usual log that allowed easy access to the other side was removed. We were baflled. It has always been there since we could remember. Now, on this day, strangely enough it was removed. I thought to myself that we should turn back. How could we? We planned this for months. We just couldn't give up. So we long-jumped succesfully across avoiding the growing moss on the limestone.
We were finally to the top. We looked over the edge and then at each other with this knowing that we were going to jump. After twenty minutes of swearing and overzealous hype, Traimaine jumped over the edge, screaming, swearing and wailing his hands, as if he were in a movie scene. It seemed a while before he actually hit the ocean though. When he did, he was under for quite some time. He swam up and breathed a very audible sigh of relief. He swam close to shore. It was now my turn. I was up there with myself and God. Right before I was about to jump I remembered Kevin. I remembered what happened. I remembered how the guys teased me. I was older now. I knew better. Yet I too took another ten minutes of swearing. Then finally I ran. I lept.
I was in the air for what seemed like an eternity and like Tramaine, when I met the water, it was with tremendous force. Thus, it sent me right down into the deep.Right down into the deep blue that we know as the ocean. I swam up and felt on top of the world. Of course I was. I just jumped off the world, I thought to myself! I didn't have time to reflect on my mid-air flight. A wave hit me and took me under. I had no idea how this felt before. I panicked and tried grasping at everything and like air the water fell through my hands. The desparation was eveident. Even through my constant bobbing I could see Traimiane near the shore with his hands on his head pacing through the water. I was gasping for air. Gasping for breath when this white dude on a surfboard, who honestly seemed like he was miles away asked me if I needed help. Of course I could not respond. How could I? I was drowning. There God was witness to the ills of peer pressure. I was struggling to swim as a swimmer for many years at swimming championships. Traimaine's eyes were red now. Not from the salt of the sea but from what I believed to be tears of him losing a friend. The almighty father knew that I took my last breath and I was going under lifeless. All I remembered was the same white dude holding my stomach and struggling to place me on his board. I felt another presence with me as well. It wasn't spiritual. It was another white dude aiding to bring me closer to the shore. They would swim for a bit and ask me if I was good there. I kept saying no. They asked again. Same answer. They brought me right by the shore. I still felt unsure. They had to carry me to the toursit side on the beach, where the beach chairs were and left me there to leave. Of course I was questioned about this stupid thing which I did by onlookers and by my lifesavers. Everyone on the beach was staring at me. My friend was still in disbelief. Pacing now, on the sand where it is softest. I felt so frustrated with myself. Now how would my parents feel. They didn't know that I was there. How could they know? I didn't tell them. There while I lay in the sand, I leaked salty tears. I knew what I did was wrong. Every single time I go to the beach I remember that day. I remembered the day I almost drowned.
I am now twenty two years old. I told my parents last year. All they said was that it was probably a good thing I told them when I did or I would be a different child today. Society links peer pressure to drugs and drunk driving. They don't see how easy it is to drown in the following of your friends. I know now.