Playwriting in Barbados

The Heart Man Synopsis

2009-11-18T05:50:00.000-08:00

Synopsis

Hunter Robinson and Humphrey Robinson are twin brothers. Hunter is a Mathematics teacher, while Humphrey is a Surgeon (Doctor). Their mother Mummy Robinson favours Hunter over Humphrey. She believes in her son Hunter and defends him no matter what. On the other hand, Humphrey fights for attention from his mother. Everytime he tries he fails miserably.

The story starts with a flashback where Humphrey is seen with a bloody knife in his hand, but because both him and Hunter are an identical twin, it makes it difficult to differentiate who really got arrested. The official story starts with Hunter in class teaching mathematics. He poses a mathematical question on the board to his students and both Chris and Tito responds incorrectly. The other students did not respond because they did not know the answer to the question either. Hunter informs them that because no one knew the answer to the question they would be having lessons that evening. This however, brings the class to an end and the scene as well.

Humphrey is seen tending to one of his patients name Susan McCastie. She is a recovering heart patient. His wife Michelle Robinson calls him and informs him to go for the children that evening. Eventually, after a long dialogue Humphrey finally gives in to his wife's resquest and acknowledges that he will pick up their children. Humphrey informs Nurse Pace that he is leaving early and if they are any messages, alert him on them. Humphrey is not seen picking up his two daughters because they are already in the car, but he is seen entering the Lodge school to collect his son. On approaching the school hall, Humphrey runs into his brother Hunter. Hunter is surprised to see him, but they converse with each other while Humphrey's son Ramiah approaches his father and uncle. Humphrey and Hunter said their goodbyes as Humphrey walks away, looking back at Hunter in intervals.

Hunter goes to his mathematics lessons and leaves as soon it has finished. The students leaves before Hunter leaves the premises. Dwayne Husbands is seen at this point walking pass the cane fields. He is grabbed by the Heart Man and stabbed in the back. His heart is carefully taken out of his chest. Dwayne Husbands is pulled into the middle of the cane fields, while his heart is rested on his chest. The next day it is heard on the radio that 13 year old Dwayne Husbands appears to be missing since the day in front. Hunter is questioned by the principal of the Lodge school as to what happened after lessons. However, two days later missing Dwayne turned out to be killed practically near the Lodge school in the cane fields. He was found by students of the Lodge school that were playing.

This killing of students continue as another was killed and and another student was almost killed. This eventually after the second killing became very fishy that Hunter was suspected to killing his students. Hunter is arrested numerous times. He is caught trying to kill Sheldon Norris, another student from the Lodge school. This student complains to his mother before his mother makes a complain to the police. Hunter then is officially arrested where shortly afterwards he is released on bail. He goes home to find Humphrey in his home. Humphrey makes it known from the beginning of their conversation that he is the Heart Man, shortly after pulling out the butcher knife. Humphrey talk about both killings and why he did it to begin with. He blames everyone for his actions excluding himself. Hunter throughout all this has Stephen listening in on their conversation after he pressed his last call button on his cell phone in his pocket. Stephen quickly goes to the police station to inform them on Hunter's case. Both Lieutenant Barry and Sergeant Larry with Stephen listen in on the conversation as Lieutenant Barry drives quickly to Hunter's house.

On the police's arrival along with Stephen they found both Chris and Tito on the ground with Humphrey holding the knife in his right hand. Tito is stabbed in his right foot. The ambulance arrives as Stephen rushes into the house to find his friend Hunter lying unconsciously on the floor in a pool of blood. Stephen alerts the ambulance to come quickly to Hunter's assistance and Tito, Chris and Hunter is taken to the hospital. Mummy Robinson goes to see her son Hunter and Michelle Robinson, Humphrey's wife goes to see Humphrey and comfront him on what she heard and saw he did. Three months later Chris is at home recovering, Tito getting better and Hunter is on bed rest. On the other hand, Humphrey Robinson gets life in prison.

Notes:
General

Positives:
I love the story because it is easy to follow.

It causes you to have mixed emotions when hearing and reading it.

I love the way the characters were development.

The rivalry between Humphrey and Hunter was good. As well as the rivalry with Humphrey and Humphrey because they were times when he had issues in general and with himself that Hunter was totally unaware of.

The relationship between Hunter and his students.

The relationship between Humphrey and his patients and the staff at the hospital.

The level of respect that both Humphrey and Hunter got from the community and persons from their respected jobs.

The way that these two men have different jobs, one a teacher and the other a doctor, and the one a doctor is jealous of the one who is a teacher.

Negatives:
Mummy Robinson should go to Humphrey in prison and confront him about his twin brother and the shooting of his dad.

Show students' reactions towards Hunter being the Heart Man and Chris's and Tito's reactions.

Have Humphrey look totally innocent; helping his brother supplying a lawyer for him, maybe his wife Michelle to prove his brother's innocence.

Make Hunter look guilty as possible.

First time when I mention Hunter as the Heart Man, indicate from the journalist that the police is calling the man doing these killings as the Heart Man.

I gave away the killer too early.

Second last scene
Mummy Robinson goes and see Hunter in the hospital. She never goes to see Humphrey in prison. This is not realistic at all. She ought to feel some sort of pain and sadness for him because he is her son and it would reflect bad on her.

When Hunter stays home, show the students' reactions maybe when the principal informs them that their teacher, Hunter Robinson, will not be at class. I should have seen especially Chris's and Tito's responds. I should have also seen their reaction when they called each other up and see them defending Hunter to their parents.

Stephen the lawyer should not be apart or in the script. Since Michelle is also a lawyer in the script and she is Hunter's sister-in-law, then she should have automatically become Hunter's lawyer. It shows further conflict and intense on both Hunter and Humphrey and also on Michelle, Mummy Robinson and somewhat the children.

Usually police gives names to crimes; especially, when it is so crucial. This can be indicated at the point of the second similar killing even if Hunter is not mentioned as yet.

Marissa's Mess Script Report

2009-11-18T05:37:00.000-08:00

Marissa is a secondary school girl. She is intelligent and usually obidient. Her best friend is Jenny and she has a crush on David Young.

At lunch time in the school cafeteria, Marissa and Jenny sat at their table watching David and his friends. Marissa and David's eyes meet and she looks away .

After school Marissa waits for her dad by the school gate and watches the children gather for the bus. Her friend Jenny runs up beside her and they talk for a while. As Jenny leaves to board the bus Marissa is startled by David who comes up behind her to ask her out. Marissa is shocked but happy and accepts. Just then her Dad pulls up and honks the horn in annoyance. Marissa hurriedly says goodbye to David and gets into her dad's car.

Erskine Yearwood is annoyed that his daughter seems to be interested in the young man she was talking to. He is a strict dad and enforces many rules that he expects Marissa to follow. Erskine voices his annoyance and an annoyed Marisa retorts and an argument begins. Erskine, annoyed that his daughter dares talk back ends the argument abrubtly and they continue to drive home in silence.
At Home in the kitchen, Kim greets her mother with her father in tow. Erskine starts to tell his wife about their daughter and Marissa exits the kitchen, heads to her room to call Jenny.

Jenny and Marissa talk about David and how Mariaasa was going to get on the date without her father knowing

Marissa's Mess- Critique

2009-11-18T05:34:00.000-08:00

Synopsis
Marissa's Mess is a story about a young girl who disobeys her father's rules. At the beginning of the script the central character, Marissa Yearwood is seen admiring a young boy( David Young) across from her at the lunch table during lunch time. The bell rings signalling the end of lunch and Marissa head for her class. The story then moves to the end of school where Marissa is outside at the school gate watching in admonition as the school children pile up the school bus. Her friend Jenny stands next to her and they talk about school. Marissa reveals how she is envious of Jenny catching the school bus and enjoying herself on the ride home. Jenny then informs her that Marissa is missing nothing. Jenny leaves and catches the school bus and then David surprises Marissa. Eventually after much rambling he asks her out and then Marissa's father, Erskine Yearwood arrives and interrupts the discussion. Marissa went to the car and endured her father's constant rant on his rules about boys. They get home and Marissa tells Jenny what happened after school.
It is Saturday and Marissa goes out on a date with David only to realise after much drama when she reaches the club that David can't take her back home. She eventually gets a taxi with Maurice Reid as the taxi driver and the taxi runs out of gas and his then hijacked by thieves when they reach the gas stiation. The thieves, Jake and Trent Bascombe, take Marissa hostage and eventually have to slow down because the taxi still needs gas. The police give chase and when they finally corner them Trent shoots Jake by accident.
Marissa is taken home by the police officer and thinks she is scotch free when her parents get home and then her father watches a news report an officer calls him on the phone. Marissa hears her father shout for her and she knows she is dead. Her mother then stands up for Marissa and quiets Erskine.

Things I Like

I like the way the story moves along. I like the many complications Marissa encounters in trying to get home.
The interaction between Marissa and her best friend Jenny.
The character of Trent Bascombe.
The minor characters in the story like the gas station attendant.
The way the mother defends her at the end.

Improvements that can be made

The ending is not concrete. It leaves too many unaswered questions and most importantly it does not end leaving the reader satisfied.
Maurice's charcter can be used more in the script. The character has potential to re-enter the story to develop the plot.
When Jake dies, it changes the entire tone of the story. It is almost as though we expect Marissa to fall in love with Jake.
We don't know why David chose that particular time to ask out Marissa. It is not clear what his motive was other than to ask her out on a date.
The conversations between Erskine and Patricia are not realistic especially at the ending.
There is too much dialogue from the middle of the script onward. It could be more action driven.

Detailed Analysis

On the first page it is not clear if David is a popular guy at school and what his role is in the group. This would give more to his character and help point us to why he would ask Marissa out.
At the ending of the script when Erskine received the call from the police, we know exactly what is going to take place next.
Marissa's mother Patricia, appears to be underdeveloped throughout the entire script. We are unaware of her thoughts until mainly at the end where she defends her daughter. This surprises the audience because there has been no strong build up throughout the script to support the ending for her reaction.

The Lost Hearts of Brighter Hopes Synopsis

2009-11-13T04:27:00.000-08:00

Synopsis
The neighbours stands at the bus stop gossiping about what has happened to persons that died. They gossip about the killer they called the Heart Man just then Kimberly passes and overhears the whole conversation. She is appalled at their comments even though they are not aware on who the Heart Man is.

Kimberly makes her way to school as she is still surrounded by the talks of the Heart Man from the students. She feels uneasy about it, but she pretends as though it does not bother her. Henderson, a student at the same school as Kimberly accuses Mr. Niles, their teacher, of being the Heart Man. Kimberly pretends that she does not know who the Heart Man is, and she stops Henderson from blaming and accusing Mr. Niles of such accusations. Henderson gets ranted with Kimberly because of this, and so he brings up incidences that happened at Kimberly's home between her father and herself which Kimberly confided in him about that causes Kimberly to give Henderson a hard slap in his face. This slap causes her to go running inside the classroom, where Mr. Niles her teacher is.

This run by Kimberly causes Mr. Niles to look up at her. He asks her if everything is okay. She responds to him by letting him know everything is not alright, but she rather not talk about it. She reads in the classroom until it was class time. In the classroom Mr. Niles asks the students the answer to a question he placed on the board. No one knew the answer, except for Kimberly who said the correct answer. Mr. Niles tells her that the answer she gave is correct. This causes the boys in the classroom to make kissing noises at her. Shortly after this, the children in the classroom are caught passing around paper at each other and Mr. Niles catches them in the middle of this act. The note on the paper had on a drawing with Mr. Niles's name written on it. The paper also had a man holding a heart in one hand and a little boy on the ground dead. Mr. Niles grabs Henderson, who he got the note from in the first place, to speak up. Mr. Niles's patience runs out. The children talk loudly so that Henderson does not say who wrote it, and Henderson ends up not saying who did write it because the bell rings and interrupts this tensity that was build up by the children and Henderson. Henderson is set free and he leaves the classroom pointing at Mr. Niles while calling him the Heart Man.

All this time Kimberly is not seen, but she comes back to Mr. Niles who does not realise it is her at first, so he snaps. On realising it is Kimberly, he politely apologizes to her and acknowledges her presence. Kimberly agrees with why Mr. Niles would have reacted in the manner he did. She alerts him that her dad would not be able to take her home and her dad wanted to know if he could take her. Mr. Niles obviously stun by her approach, eventually tells her yes he will take her home. They talk about any and everything while leaving and on their way to Kimberly's home. She asks him about his studies at UWI; what he is studying because of some books that he clumsily knock out of his bag onto the floor.

Kimberley sings and dances to the "Yellow Bird" song. She pretends to be embarrassed when Mr. Niles stares at her. Mr. Niles eventually dances with Kimberly until she pulls away. They both get caught up in the moment. She gets closer to her home so she pretends to be afraid of the heart man. She runs into a shack place that turned out to be hers. Mr. Niles does not know this until he enters and Kimberly reveals to him that the place is hers. Mr. Niles grew afraid of his life and Kimberly slowly kills him when he does not give into her plans or will. After killing Mr. Niles and burying him, she finally calls Henderson and alludes to him to take her home tomorrow because her dad would not be able to.

Notes
General

The things that were good:
The plot of the story. The twist that it gave where Kimberly was the heart woman all along when everyone thought and still thinks it is a man. She being able to listen on what everyone had to say was able to do things differently according to what she heard.

The development of the characters.

Establishing the suspense in the script from early.

The cleverness of Kimberly.

The scene outside and inside the classroom.

And the scene on the cart road between Kimberly and Mr. Niles.

The things that could have been improved:
However, there were quite a bit that needed reworking. For instance, where did the neighbours come from? Are they her neighbours? One of them would have known something was up with her because she lives by herself. In Barbados, when you think your neighbours do not know anything, they usually know more than you think. Didn't someone saw her digging holes in the back of her shack? Didn't they smell a stench? The neighbours were only mentioned at the beginning and no other part in the script. Not even in the end. This would have helped with a resolution of the script because the script is never solved. It is left hanging (incomplete). Malicious neighbours would have bound to know that she got back in with a man with her.

EXT. SCHOOL YARD - MIDDAY page 3 is one word. Not *Mid day*. I would have liked to see the reaction of the children, Henderson and Kimberly's faces, after she gave him the slap.

There was no prove that Kimberly ever spoke to her father after school was over, so Kimberly telling Mr. Niles that her dad cannot come for her was weird. You get the feeling something was fishy at this part of the script.

What was also fishy about this, was the fact that she went to Mr. Niles. In 2009, I do not think any adolescent would be going to a teacher to take them home, unless they were very bold and interested in the teacher. And this does not add up to the persona of the character. That part needs to be developed some more.

What would have prompt her to go to Mr. Niles in the first place? And what would have prompt him to willingly take her home? In 2009, Mr. Niles a teacher does not has a car? I think this has to be developed. What kind of teacher is Mr. Niles? What is his personality? How is his living? What is his status? Is he married, have children, engaged or has a girlfriend?

When Kimberly goes to Mr. Niles, have him doing something that requires him to snap and then glancing at her quickly to realise it is her, so that he begins to have a softer tone.

When Kimberly comes out with Mr. Niles to take her home, kissing noises from Henderson and the other boys could be coming from them, that would have caused Kimberly to get upset. This would have been her motive to do what she did. Also, in order for all this to happen, then the boys would still have to be around. (Obviously, they wouldn't have left already).

Where is Kimberly's and Mr. Niles's possessions? As small as it may seem, I do not see it. Do they leave it in the classroom? Simply because when they dance, I would have imagine that he would have put down his briefcase, if he has one.

The scene needs to be developed between Kimberly and Mr. Niles.

The Yellow Bird song could be Kimberly's trigger.

Also, how did they hear the song to begin with? I know that they heard it because she was singing it, but there is no prove as to how they hear it. I got the impression from reading the script that nothing was on that cart road. Just canes and bushes, so you would have to state this, to show the distance of the walk.

There were also some grammatical errors. I know you spoke in Bajan dialect, but they were verb disagreements and misspelt words.

What is the resolution? Is Kimberly ever caught? I wanted to see how everyone found out that it was a heart woman instead of a man, and also, does Kimberly kill the entire boy population in her class? We know that she was aiming for Henderson the next day. Someone would have bound to realise that Mr. Niles haven't turned up for class and now Henderson and they were last seen with Kimberly.

Henderson's character could have been developed some more. What was the relationship between him and Kimberly?

Does anyone including Henderson asked Kimberly where is her father and how did he die?

Scene 1 Page 1
Where is the bus stop location? Where is Kimberly's home? Why a bus stop scene? How close do these neighbours live to Kimberly? Does Kimberly know them? Do they know Kimberly?

Scene 2 Pages 2-3
Outside where the children are playing before class: I wanted to see the children's faces; especially, Henderson's. I wanted to see how the slap was given by Kimberly. I wanted to see the intensity of the slap and how Kimberly looks when she runs inside the classroom.

Scene 3 Pages 4-6
The students expression when they made the kissing noises: do all the children make kissing noises? How many children are in this class? Is Kimberly the only girl in the classroom? I get that feeling that she is. To what extent is the intensity in the classroom? Why is Henderson caught? Who actually passed the note? Who wrote it? Is Kimberly seen throughout this? The dialogue seems unrealistic between a scared student and an angry teacher. What kind of teacher is Mr. Niles? What is his persona? Kimberly needs to seen leaving to use her phone, so that she asking Mr. Niles to take her home looks realistic and honest. Why does she asks Mr. Niles to take her home than Henderson who she later asks? Why the Occult religion book? It makes it look as though they both kill together or something, or that she knows Mr. Niles dark secrets about these killings.

Scene 4
Why the Yellow Bird song? What was the motive behind it? Again what is Mr. Niles's persona? Why would he danced with Kimberly? Why does Mr. Niles runs into the house with Kimberly even though he felt it was abandoned and unsafe? Hence, what was his motive here again.

Scene 5
Kimberly gives off the suspense too early. As soon as you enter her home you know that she is the heart woman. The suspense should be given near to the end that would have caused her to kill Mr. Niles in the first place. I think the unravelling of the suspense could be left up to Mr. Niles. Cause him to be suspicious that he opens the areas where Kimberly has them stored. While he does this have Kimberly coming back and catching him. This would leave Mr. Niles with two choices, either stay with Kimberly and be apart of her world, or try to get away and alert the police on the Heart Woman. Kimberly should not call Henderson because this leaves the story hanging. And why does her father gets killed by her? What did he do to her that would have caused her to kill him?And how was he killed? And where?

Full Critique- The Heart Man

2009-11-12T10:36:00.000-08:00

Synopsis
This story takes the heartman as a Barbadian folk tale and translates it to a film story. It depicts the folk tale in which the heartman has no heart at all. Julie has worked on this script with diligence and honestly she did a good job of capturing the essence of the folk tale. I thought she used the idea of a twin to identify two different worlds while yet establishing this comminality between them.

The story starts out with a flashback of a bloody knife in Humphrey Robinson's hand. The police caught him and he is arrested. Hunter Robinson a mathematics teacher at Lodge school gives his students a maths problem in the next scene. Following is his twin brother Humphrey Robinson, who is a doctor at the Queen Elizabeth Hospital. Humphrey is monitoring a patient's heart and his wife Michelle calls and asks him to pick up the children. He then leaves the hospital to for his children who go to school at the Lodge school. Humphrey picked up his two daughters, Samantha and Luanna and went to the school hall for his son Ramiah who was waiting for him there. He runs into his twin brother Hunter. They talk for a short bit and then Humphrey leaves with Ramiah, taking him and his daughters home.

Then Hunter begins his afterschool classes giving the students the answer to the problem he gave earlier during the day. Classes are over and Hunter and the children leave the school.
The next morning a news report came over that Dwayne Husbands, a thirteen year old student at the Lodge school was missing. When Hunter arrived at school he was questioned by the principal about Dwayne Husbands. Two days later, students discovered a body in the nearby cane fields and then police are brought in who questioned Hunter as well. His brother Humphrey is shocked and gives Hunter a call. Hunter prepares his lessons for the next day. While going to his car he observes Tony Boyce waiting. Tony says he is waiting on his mother and after a call to his mother, Hunter realises that she can't come for her son and volunteers to take him to her workplace safely. Tony is snatched up by the entrance and his mouth his mouth has beeen covered by a hand. Officer Warden sees the killer and runs after him. In doing so he stumbles across the body. He calls both the ambulance and the police. Then he tells Harriet Boyce. The mother of the deceased. Police are investigation the scene in the night and calls Hunter to come down to the station. Hunter is allowed to leave and he talks to his mother when he arrives home. While on the phone with his mother Humphrey takes a call on the other line and speaks to his brother for a short while before returning to his mother. In the morning of the next day, Hunter hears a news report saying that he is the number one suspect regarding the murders of the two boys. He calls in sick and the Principal wishes him a speedy recovery.

Hunter's lawyer and good friend Stephe Rowe heard the news and gives Hunter a call. Humphrey is the heartman and plans another attack on Sheldon Norris. Sheldon escapes seeing Humphrey's face. Sheldon ran home and told his mother that his school teacher Hunter tried to kill him. His mother Shirley Norris immidiately calls the police. Police rush over to Hunter's house and make an arrest.

Another news report comes on reporting that Hunter Robinson is the heartman. Michelle and Humphrey are having a conversation about Hunter being the killer. Humphrey picks up the phone and calls his mother. They speak and the conversation ends disturbed for both parties. Hunter is in the questioning room with Stephen. Hunter reveals that it could be his twin brother framing him for the murders of these boys........ unfinished

Good points about the story

It can be followed
There are many characters
Great details in the story (fine details, imagery)
There are many comedic elements
Improvement on the last script
It is a wonderful way to tell the folk tale

Needs Improving

Dialogue needs rethinking in some instances
Character names need rethinking
Humphrey as the killer is revealed to early
The story about the killing of the father needs reworking
What is the real motivation of the heartman?

The Heart Man script report by Alicat

2009-11-11T05:58:00.000-08:00

Hunter Robinson and Humphrey Robinson are twin brothers. Hunter is a school teacher and Humphrey is a doctor. They have a strained relationship due to Humphrey's' believe that Hunter is the favoured child by their mother who insists that she loves both her boys.

As a teacher, Hunter enjoys his work and has a great relationship with his students especially Tito Mosquito and Chris Marville.

Humphrey Robinson is a surgeon. He has his own practice and is very successful. He is happily married to Michelle who is a lawyer and they have three children Luanna, Samantha and Ramiah.

One afternoon after Hunter completes his after school lessons, one of his students, Dwayne Husbands is attacked and killed; his chest is ripped opened and his heart removed. News of the death circulate and Hunter is questioned by Lieutenant Barry.

Humphrey on hearing the news of the attack contacts his brother to offer support.

Another evening Hunter leaves school late after preparing lessons. He notices a student, Tony Boyce is waiting alone. He offers to contact his mother and subsequently offers him a ride to her office when she indicates that she is unable to pick him up as scheduled. Hunter drops Tony off at the stairs of his mothers workplace and leaves, Tony is attacked and killed his heart removed and placed on his chest.

Hunter is summoned to the station where he is questioned by Sergeant Larry and Lieutenant Barry about Tony. Hunter is now the main suspect but declares his innocence.

Mummy Robinson contacts he son offering him support and encouragement.

News of the killings and the Hunter as the suspect are released to the public. Hunters lawyer Stephen Rowe contacts him to offer advice.

Sheldon Norris is walking home, he is attacked by the heart man but manages to escape and also catches a glimpse of his attacker. He identifies him as Hunter Robinson,

Hunter is arrested while maintaining his innocence.

Humphrey and Michelle are shocked about the news and Humphrey contacts his mother. Mummy Robinson is distraught and does not believe what she hears and defends her son.

Hunter spends the night in jail and is released on bail the next morning by his lawyer. He returns home to find Humphrey there with a knife in his hand waiting for him. An argument begins and Humphrey reveals his anger for his sibling . He explains his belief that Hunter is the favorite and he confesses to the murders of the children and his father and promises to kill Hunter. Hunter presses the cell phone in his pocket and his Lawyer, Stephen is alerted. The police are called and everyone heads to Hunters home. Meanwhile Tito and Chris arrive at the house for lessons and are attacked by Humphrey. The police arrive and arrest Humphrey and save the children. Hunter is placed in the hospital and Humphrey is sent to jail. His Wife Michelle visits him and expresses shock and anger at his behavior, while mummy Robinson visits an unconscious Hunter in the hospital.

The story is well written, it reads smoothly and is easy to follow. The concept is great, it gives a new spin on old Barbadian folklore which has never been told in film, making it original and exciting. The plot is very good and keeps your interest from beginning to end. The structure of the story which incorporates murder mystery and touches on the issues of sibling rivalry provides a great platform for this type of film to be told. The characters are fantastic and come alive within the script. The main characters are intriguing as well as the supporting characters who assist in strenghening the focal characters well. The script is very visual, scenes are easy to visualise because descriptions from scene to scene are very clear. This being said there are areas of the script which do not work effectively. Script has too much unnecessary dialogue which can be removed in order to allow the potentially fantastic visual images to come to the fore. Characters can be developed more in order to tie the storyline together. Writer needs to ensure that she relays her story in the correct tense at all times. The major task of the writer will be to ensure that the mystery of the killer remains as such until the revelation. The writer gives away the killers identity much too early removing the suspense from the script. The writer also hints repeatedly throughout the script, the possibility of who the killer is, steering her audience into figuring out before she is ready.

Script needs tidying. Writer must pay attention to scene headings and dialogue headings. e.g:
Pg 1, 2Dialogue headings missing. Writer must be careful to indicate who is speaking at all times to ensure that the reader follows the story. Pg 9 Scene heading is missing:

Int. Queen Elizabeth Hospital. Afternoon

Humphrey Robinson
I was not there today

Int. Lodge School Staffroom. Afternoon
I mean three days ago. You didn't see anything suspicious.
I mean you wouldn't know the usual atmosphere
around here, but did you see anything that appeared odd?

Script has too much dialogue in some areas, the technique of show not tell needs to be applied for e.g: pg 3 Humphrey Robinson and his wife have a lengthy conversation about picking up the kids which is not the focal point of the story.

There are areas in the script which need to be expanded on :

pg 7 Ext. The Playing Field - Morning.

Dialogue is needed scenes need to be expanded. A number of scenes are happening which the writer has bunched together into one scene.

Plot is given away much to early. Too many hints throughout the story telling you who the killers is. for e.g Pg 25

Marissa's Mess Synopsis

2009-11-11T05:57:00.000-08:00

Synopsis

Marissa's Mess is about Marissa sick and tired of her father's rules. She finds herself admiring David one of the students of the same school she attends. David comes up to her when school was over to invite Marissa on a date. She excitedly accepts, but finds it difficult to convince her dad that nothing is going on between herself and David. Marissa's mum tries to defend Marissa but once again is beaten down by this. Marissa father reiterates the rules of the house and Marissa's rules because her parents were going out. Marissa as usual acknowledges these rules and speedily gets ready after her parents leave. She quickly gets ready to go out with David.

David comes and picks up Marissa. They go out to his uncle's night club and David gets drunk while at the club. Marissa becomes concern about this and concern about getting home. She tries to get David to take her home, but the Bartender prevents David from taking her home because of his condition. Marissa is given money to go and catch a taxi home. She leaves the club and tries to get home. Just then a ZR van comes packed with passengers and Marissa's hesitation causes the conductor to curse her and allows the driver to drive off.

Marissa yells for the ZR van to come back, but of course this did not happen. She sees a taxi and tries to stop it. Maurice is the taxi driver. He starts talking to her and Marissa is bored by it. He alluded to her that he needs to make a stop at the gas station because he needs gas. On arriving at the gas station he realises that he has no gas money so he informs the attendant of this and the attendant goes back into the lunch room. Maurice signals to Marissa that he is going to the ATM. Just when Maurice is in there, the automart is gun up by Jake and Trent who are brothers. They rob the automart and hears sirens that has nothing to do with them robbing the place. Trent and Jake runs to a nearby vehicle which happens to be Maurice's taxi vehicle. They drive off, just in time before the official police comes.

Trent and Jake realises that someone is in the back seat which turns out to be Marissa. She talks and is confused as to what is happening right about now in the script. Jake responds to her gently and nicely, but Trent doesn't. The police chases them until Trent who is driving realises that the taxi is out of gas. He at this point has no choice but to stop. Marissa, Jake and Trent get out of the car with Trent sticking a gun to Marissa's head as he holds her. Marissa is afraid of her life and what Trent might do to her. Jake hesitantly continues to not want to do this. When Jake places his gun to the ground and Marissa tries to run at the first sight of escape, Trent fires a shot at Marissa that causes Jake to jump infront of her. Jake at this point is shot and dies on the spot. Trent drops to the ground to his brother. Marissa runs to Officer Jackson and Trent is handcuffed by the police.

Marissa eventually gets home and she quickly makes her way to her bed after undressing. Her parents get home and her father checks in on her that causes her to respond to him in a sleepy manner. Officer Jackson calls Marissa's home to see if she was alright and also to inform her parents on what had happened. This causes Marissa's father to shout her name that causes Marissa to get into trouble.

Notes:
General

The things I love about the script:

The best friend relationship between Marissa and Jenny. The way they told each other everything and they both wanted to experience each other's world.

The brotherly commitment between Jake and Trent. The way Trent in his own way takes care of his brother. The softness of Jake and the roughness of Trent.

The use of the word time that signals to Marissa it is time to leave.

The way Officer Jackson calls to inform Marissa's parents on what had happened and also to see if Marissa was okay.

The conflict in the story with Marissa trying to get home.

The things that could be improved upon:

Maurice's character could have been developed some more. I thought he would have been in the police vehicle because it was his taxi.

Who called the police? I would have wanted to see who called the police because action and humour could have been placed at this part of the script.

Where is the attendant? Does she go home without anyone being aware?

What happened in the automart? I would have loved to see Maurice's reaction because he sounds and looks in my mind as a big coward. Also, here was another good part for action and humour.

When Marissa and her dad came home to find the mother in the kitchen, I thought that the conflict could have started here between Marissa's mum and dad that causes the resolution for the mother in the end.

In the crime scene chase, something is missing there that could have caused it to popped out at me. I wanted to feel for both Trent and Jake and Marissa all at once.

I felt that Marissa on arrival at home could have called her best friend to inform her about her night. While Marissa is on the telephone talking to Jenny, she realises her parents are home and then she rushes Jenny off and pretends that she is asleep.

Scene 1
Is David Young in a group with his friends talking? What personality does he has when he is with his friends. Is he respected by his friends? Is he the leader among his friends? I do not know if David is looking at Marissa when she looks at him. Does he looks at her, and she goes smiles to hijself? Does his friends gets his attention that Marissa is looking at him? What was his motive to have gone to her in the next scene to ask her out? Is Jenny with Marissa all this time that this is going on?

Scene 2
Was Marissa sitting down when Jenny came up to her or was she standing? I assume she was standing. Marissa's dialogue needs to be more natural. Her language sounds fake, not realistic for a girl talking to her best friend. Jenny's language also does not sound realistic because if someone prefers to have what someone else's has they would be more convincing than just telling them do not worry about it because they haven't missed a thing.

Again I do not fully know the personality of David. The way he speaks to Marissa sounds white or rich. He doesn't sound like someone that Marissa would want to be with. He sounds like someone that Marissa father would be interested in if you take away his skin colour. David stating "it would spoil his plans" baffles me because his persona still isn't identified.

Marissa's dad Erskine character sounds split. I think he should calmly ask Marissa questions and then get angry if she refuses to hear.

Scene 3
Marissa's mum could have asked more questions and state some of her view points when Erskine and Marissa got home. I felt like Marissa could have even voice what happened that day.

Scene 4
I felt that less dialogue should have been said here. If someone is drunk yes they talk to much, but the action would have been more seen as a let down by Marissa's stand point than with David talking. His actions alone would have suggest to her she really wasted her time going out with him. This alone could have indicated to her that she needed to go home and forget about David. The Bartender should not have given I presume a 17 year old alcohol anyway. This just isn't realistic with the laws and age differences that occurs.

Scene 5
Maurice should have been seen awhole lot more than in this script. Maurice at this point becomes the antagonist because everything circles around him; his taxi out of gas, his taxi being stolen, the robbery, Marissa trying to get home, Marissa caught in a mess in Maurice's taxi. I needed to see what happened in the automart; who called the police; what became of the Attendant; what Marissa was doing all along; Jake's and Trent's reaction and action to the robbery.

Scene 6
The chase: what was Marissa's response. I needed to see more of her response. Was she talkative at this point? Was she talkative and scared? Was she talkative, scared and confused?

The police's reaction at the gas station. What they did in the car? How Maurice got into their vehicle. I would have prefer Maurice being in the police's vehicle with them because the taxi is his and he would have been the best person to identify it.

Scene 7
The crime scene: what happened when Marissa, Jake and Trent were out of the vehicle. Maybe the other policemen were trying to hold back Maurice from running to his vehicle and still being able to focus in on the Jake and Trent robbery and kidnapped.

The long lines of traffic held up. Marissa's parents' faces. The father calling Marissa at home to lether know they are soon home, but she never answers. Then they calling her cell phone and Trent jumps to the noise of her cell phone in the car.

Reporters coming on the scene in undercover. Hidden cameras shooting all around. Jake is shot in the arm and Trent rushes to him. Marissa runs and the police rushes to Trent to arrest him. Marissa sees her dad's car while talking to the reporter and informs the police she needs to get home.

Scene 8
Marissa gets home just before her parents. She changes her clothes and calls Jenny. Her parents pull up and she ends the conversation with Jenny. Her father comes in to check on her because earlier she didn't answer any of her phones when he called. She acknowledges that he is home in the meantime when the telephone rings. The police calls and Erskine puts on his television. He shouts Marissa's name while going into her room. He questions Marissa and Patricia and him take their conversation outside. Patricia speaks her mind to her husband and Erskine decides to ground Marissa.

Full Critique of "The Lost Hearts of Brighter Hopes"

2009-11-11T05:50:00.000-08:00

Synopsis
This story written by Keisha has tremendous value as a a folk tale in Barbados. She moves away from the cliche stereotypical male psychopath and creates a female killer. She uses the folk tale of the heart man to draw her audience in and then she shocks them by revealing a female killer who is a teenage girl. Kimberly is orphan. She is teenage girl that asks cleverly at the beginning about the heartman which establishes early what the story is about.

The story takes us to Kimberly's school yard where a boy named Henderson proposes that a mathematics teacher named Mr.Niles is the heartman. In his story he details that Mr.Niles was the last person to be seen with a young boy that went missing. Henderson also reveals information about Kimberly's father at the end of his story. Kimberly is frustrated that they talk about Mr.Niles this way and defends him. She then retreats and goes to Mr.Niles' class to find him. Mr.Niles invites her into the classroom to talk but Kimberly says she wants to read and finds a book on Egyptian rituals on her desk.

The story then moves to a classroom scene where Mr.Niles gives a mathematics problem to the class to solve and in it Henderson along with students accuse Mr.Niles of being the heartman. The story then follows the journey of Mr.Niles and Kimberly to her home. It his during this journey that the first clue to who the heartman was, is revealed. At the end Kimberly cleverly brings Mr.Niles to a shack where she reveals to him that it is her home. After Mr.Niles dissapoints Kimberly by declining her advances she kills him and takes out his heart. She then buries him in the backyard, returns inside and calls Henderson to ask him to walk her home the next day.

What Went Well:

She introduces priniciple characters that carry the story.
Withholding who was the heartman
Development of Kimberly and Mr.Niles as characters
The use of auditory imagery; the 'Yellow Bird' song
The visual story telling techniques; describing the scene and action

What Didn't Work

The use of the neighbour at the beginning
Kimberly pretending to talk to her father
Mr.Niles agreeing to take home Kimberly
There is no resolution to the conflict of the Heartman's killing
Story of why Kimberly kills needs working

At the beginning of the script the neighbour appears to be just there. There is no idea of who they are and it appears as though they are only there to talk about the heartman.

Henderson isn't developed as a full charcter. He has so much potential to grow but it just seems as though he too is there to just give information. We have no idea about his background or who he is.

We don't know much about Mr.Niles besides him being a mathematics teacher and him studying at University doing research on occult religions but we feel as though he should have a backstory. A suggestion could be his affection for teenage girls. This would lead him to go with Kimberly with a possibility of something enjoyable for him at the end of the journey.

What happens at the end leaves the story unfinished. Kimberly isn't caught and she is seen scheming to kill Henderson the next day. The audience is not left with a concrete idea as to what will happen. A concrete resolution could be an effective way to end your story. The viewer wouldn't have to wonder if a sequel is being done.e.t.c.

The Heartman Critique

2009-11-10T19:47:00.000-08:00

The script has a good storyline and a great concept. characters are intriguing and entertaining. Script is very visual and gives great description of scenes and characters.
some areas of the script can be developed. The dialogue tends to be too lengthy and repetitive at times and therefore can be tightened. The relationship between Tito and Chris in relation to Hunter needs to be developed. the plot is given away to early and there are also too many hints to who the heartman is. Some backstory is needed to establish the plot point of the father's killing

great story otherwise

Marissa's Mess critique

2009-11-05T08:56:00.000-08:00

This is a general summary of the critique shared yesterday in class

Use Maurice's character more
Work the conversation between Erskine and Patricia
Work conversation between Trent, Jake and Marissa in the car
There is a consensus that too much dialogue is used in the later part of t he script. It should be action driven not dialogue driven.
Why did David choose that time in particular to as her out...?
Change Jake dying....this changes the entire tone of the ending.

Marissa's Mess Script Critique

2009-11-05T06:39:00.000-08:00

The Things I Love About the Script:

1) The best friend relationship between Marissa and Jenny. The way they told each other everything and they both wanted to experience each other's world.

2) The brotherly commitment between Jake and Trent. The way Trent in his own way takes care of his brother. The softness of Jake and the roughness of Trent.

3) The use of the word time that signals to Marissa it's time to go.

4) The way Officer Morgan calls to inform Marissa's parents on what had happened and to see if Marissa was alright.

5) The conflict in the story with Marissa trying to get home.

The Things That Could Have Been Better:

1) Marice's character could have been developed some more. I thought he would have been in the police vehicle because it was his car.

2) Who called the police? Ms. Frances -Ann Solomon spoke on it, but I mentioned that before.

3) Where was the attendant?

4) What happened in the automart? I would have loved to see Maurice's reaction because he sounds and looks in my mind as a big coward.

5) When Marissa and her dad came home to find the mother in the kitchen, I thought that the conflict could have started there between Marissa's mum and her dad that causes the resolution in the end for the mother.

6) In the crime scene chase, something is missing there that could have caused it to popped out at me. I wanted to feel for both Trent and Jake and for Marissa at the same time.

7) I felt that Marissa on arrival at home could have called her best friend to inform her about her night, and when Marissa realises that her parents are home, she rushes off the phone and pretends to be asleep.

critique for lost hearts of brighter hope

2009-11-03T21:40:00.000-08:00

Keisha has a great concept and provides a good storyline for her script. the plot is strong with interesting twists and conflict. The characters are also very interesting; especially the main characters. Kimberly and Mr. Niles as well as Henderson. The way that Keisha presents the story is also interesting.She establishes the thesis early and then builds the suspense. The ending is also good as it provides an unexpected and shocking resolution to the storyline. Although the provides these great elements, there are ares that the writer can build on: Continuity from one scene to another needs to be tighter. Some scenes end abruptly which causes some confusion when trying to follow the story. Action and reaction of characters to areas of conflict in the story e.g when kimberley slaps Henderson, we need to see his reaction as well as Kimberley and the children around them. Some characters can be utilized more in the script for e.g Henderson. Some areas of the script also have room for development e.g the scee where Kim and Mr. Niles walk home, the sequence of events which follow can be stregthened. The plot is too informative. Giving away the villian too early for e.g when Kim tells Niles about the jars which she has displayed. It takes away from the suspense as the reader begins to realize that Kim may not be as innocent as she appears. It is an otherwise great story!

Heart Man Critique--

2009-11-01T18:40:00.000-08:00

I honestly believe Julie has written a good story and her hard work is seen throughout her work.

The visual imagery in the script was strong in that it allowed us to watch the story unfold off of the page. Also the described action in each scene I thought was clear enough and to the point.

I loved the scene between .....

The believability of some of the character dialogue needs reworking. I don't find the conversation between Humphrey and his mother realistic.

The story was great until about page 15 where the audience can grasp who the killer is. Even later on in the story there are more clues that point to who the killer is. You may want to hold back much longer to build the tension and suspense that you were creating so well.

You may want to rework the names in the script more. The names add to a comedic element in the script. That is of course if you don't want the scrip to be a comedy.

The killing of the father wasn't explained in detail. You may want to give more insight as to why and how the father was killed.

I really think this script is strong...and I would love to see it filmed.....!

The Heart Man Critique

2009-10-30T07:03:00.000-07:00

What Worked:

Characters were well built

Story was very tight and fluid.

Very good introduction.

Scenery is well portrayed

What did not Work:

1.) In parts of your script you have "INT- Radio" that should be expanded more, that is, you are not sure where the interior of the place it is. Be it the interior of the a bedroom - radio etc

2.) Why does the heart man leave the heart on the victim's chest. What is the motive? After stalking prey for such a long time a serial killer like to have his trophies about him to remind him of other killings.

3.) You need to find out where your "moment" is, that is, where you want the big reveal to be. With pages 24, she talks about Hunter to Humphrey as if she loves Hunter more. Even if so, she would not reveal that to Humphrey, because a mother's love us unconditional.

4.) Also, coming down to the end of the monologue, she mentions that the person doing it would have to be a doctor, and that kinda gives it away.

5.) Coming down to the end of the piece you talk about the father, but there is no mention of him before hand. He is dropped there. You should expand on him some more.

6.) Some parts of the script were a little too narrative instead of it being action or movement in the script. For example in page 22, "their voices become loud noises in Hunter's ears".

7.) Also remember to proof read when you can to avoid grammatical errors

The Lost Hearts of Brighter Hopes Script Critique

2009-10-30T04:57:00.000-07:00

The things that I like:

1) The plot of the story. The twist that it gave, where Kimberly was the heart woman all along, while everyone thought and still thinks it is a man.

2) The development of the characters.

3) Establishing the suspense in the script from early.

4) The cleverness of Kimberly.

5) The scene outside and inside the classroom.

6) The scene on the cart road between Kimberly and Mr. Niles.

The things that could have been better:

1) Where did the neighbours come from? Are they her neighbours? One of them would have known something was up with her because she lives by herself. In Barbados, when you think your neighbours don't know anything, they usually know more than you think. Didn't someone saw her digging holes in the back of her shack? Didn't they smell a stench? The neighbours were only mentioned at the beginning and no other place else. Not even in the end. Malicious neighbours would have bound to know that she got back in with a man with her.

2) EXT. SCHOOL YARD - MIDDAY page 3
*Mid day* is one word *Midday*
I would have like to see the reaction of the children, Henderson and Kimberly, after she gave him the slap.

3) There was no prove that Kimberly ever spoke to her father after school was over. So Kimberly telling Mr. Niles that her dad cannot come for her was weird. You get the feeling something was fishy at this part of the script.

4) What was also fishy about this, was the fact that she went to Mr. Niles. In 2009, I don't think any adolescent would be going to a teacher to take them home. That part needs to be developed.

5) What would have prompt her to go to Mr. Niles in the first place? And what would have prompt him to willing take her home? In 2009, Mr. Niles a teacher does not has a car? I think this has to be developed. What kind of teacher is Mr. Niles? What is his personality? How is his living? What is his status? Is he married, have children, engaged or has a girlfriend?

6) When Kimberly goes to Mr. Niles, have him doing something that would have caused him to snapped, and then glancing at her quickly to realise it is her, so that he begins to have a softer tone.

7) When Kimberly comes out with Mr. Niles, to take her home, kissing noises from Henderson and the other boys could be coming from them, that would have caused Kimberly to get upset. This would have been her motive to do what she did. Also, in order for all this to happen, then the boys would still have to be around. (Obviously they wouldn't have left already)

8) Where is Kimberly's and Mr. Niles's possessions? Do they leave it in the class? Because when they dance, I would have imagine that he would have put down his briefcase, if he has one.

9) The scene needs to be developed between Kimberly and Mr. Niles.

10) The Yellow Bird song could be Kimberly's trigger.

11) Also, how did they hear the song to begin with? I know that they heard it because she was singing it, but there is no prove as to how they hear it. I got the impression from reading the script that nothing was on that cart road. Just canes and bush, so you would have to state this, to show the distance of the walk.

12) There were also some grammatical errors.

13) What is the resolution? Is Kimberly ever caught?

14) Henderson's character could have been developed some more. What was the relationship between him and Kimberly?

Marissa's Mess Climax Alternative

2009-10-27T21:51:00.000-07:00

Officer Morgan is on his way to the gas station for his break but is stuck behind two vehicles which are moving slowly. Annoyed he turns on his sirens so that he can easily pass them.

At the gas station, robbery is in progress and robbers hearing sirens in the distance use the taxi as a get away car.

Officer Morgan turns the corner as they drive away. Maurice the taxi driver runs towards the police car ranting and waving his arms frantically letting offider morgan know that his cab has been stolen and Marissa is inside.

Officer Morgan pursues the vehicle.

Vehicle stops and there is a stand off.

Shot is fired and robber is down.

Other robber is apprehended and Marissa is saved

MAurice is in another police car on his way to the scene. He is ranting on about his car, his wife and Marissa and he is clutching a gas container

Maurice arrives at the scene more concerned about his vehicle than Marissa, he runs to his taxi with the gas can and hugs and kisses his car. He fills it with gas and inspects it from head to toe. He is interupted by a call from his wife who is very perturbed that he is not home yet and chews his ear off.

Marissa it taken home

Her dad checks in on her as she pretends to sleep. He goes down stairs to get a cup of coffee and watches the news.

A report come over about the robbery and he is engaged in the tv.

the phone rings, It is officer morgan doing a follow up call, making sure Marissa is ok.

Her father is shocked and angry

Marissa is summond and he raked over the coal by her dad

Her mom steps in and finally stands up to her husband on Marissa's behalf

Her dad realises that he is partly to blame

The family comes to a compromise

Marissa thinks she has escaped punishment and heads to her room

Her dad stops her on the steps and lets her know that she is grounded.

Marissa's Mess Critique

2009-10-26T16:14:00.000-07:00

It is a good story. I like the twist in the middle of the story. I like the way the characters have developed and I can see the dialogue unfolding when it is scripted. However, I had enough time to read the treatment and there are areas that need to be corrected. I know it was rushed, but I am still going to state them, so that the errors would not occur in the script.

How does David get Marissa's number? It is not stated here when Marissa's dad is being ignored by her. When she is talking to David at school, you have to see the number being distributed. Next, again how can David call Marissa when he was not given her number? Also, how does he know where Marissa lives? In addition, where did he get the car from? Does he has license? How old is he? How old is Marissa? If they are underage, how can they get into a night club; furthermore, to be buying and drinking alcohol?

How can Trent take out a gun at a closed bar? The bar is stated closed, not the building. During this time, one gun is stated here, but further in the treatment, they seem to have been two guns. Where did the other gun come from?

When Maurice pulls into the gas station, Marissa obviously is in the back of the car and the attendant is there, so when Maurice looks into his wallet he tells "her" he is going to the ATM. Who is her? Who does the her refers to?

When the gas station is stick up by Trent and his brother Jake, aren't there other people both inside and outside? Where is the gas station attendant? Who called the police? Is Marissa blind? For somone who is impatient to get home, she should have been watching Maurice all this time to see what was going on. There are see through glass windows in the automart. Maybe she called the police, and that's how they knew she was in danger from the beginning.

The INT and EXT are mixed up. They can be connected if the samething is happening in the same area with other characters. For instance, INT. TAXI - NIGHT- Marissa being in the car and Trent and his brother Jake coming into the car all in the same place. In this case, the taxi. It has INT. TAXI - NIGHT - Marissa in the car... and EXT. GAS STATION - NIGHT - Trent and Jake getting into the car... They both can connect because everything is happening in the car. Then the supporting details can indicate that they are driving out off the gas station.

How did the police driving the vehicle knew everything about Maurice and parking tickets. This is Barbados, not realistic. The police is on a chase, they do not have any time to check for all of that. Did they call back to the station for the other policemen to make a scan for them? Did the police from the police station alert them on this instead? How many policemen are in the vehicle? If there are only one police vehicle, how could they have set up a road block? How many police vehicles are they? How far does Trent and Jake get, because I thought this taxi desperately needed gas? So, realistically they couldn't have driven very far because this would mean that Maurice could have dropped home Marissa first and save her the headache. So maybe the dialogue can be included that Marissa is realising this for herself. That she could have been taken home to begin with. All in the comedy and seriousness of it.

If action is happening in the road between two sides, then there cannot be an INT and definitely cannot be INT. TAXI - NIGHT because the police is not in the taxi and in this case Trent, Jake and Marissa are not in the taxi. So it should be, EXT. ROAD - NIGHT or the name of the road.

Officer Morgan explains who he is in the treatment. Who he is like who? Obviously, Trent and the others can see he is a policeman. Was Officer Morgan like Trent? Police rush in and arrest Trent...cannot be EXT. POLICE VEHICLE - NIGHT. It has to be EXT. ROAD - NIGHT because again, everything is happening in the road even though there are outside the police vehicle.

"Other police arrive on the scene." I thought the other policemen were already there. "She quickly gave her statement and she was taken home." Who is Marissa giving her statement to? Marissa is giving her statement and no sign of reporters are mention? How do they report on the matter and can show footage on what happened when they were not there? Cameras were not mentioned. Usually when police is taking a statement from you; especially, something as serious as this, they normally take some sort of contact. Either telephone numbers, cellphone numbers, addresses or all. This was not mentioned. Marissa is underaged so the officer should have insisted that he sees her parents just to make sure she was dropped off at the right address; especially, with something so serious as this. There should have been some sort of speculation as to why an underaged girl is out on the streets so late in the night by herself.

When Marissa's mother closes Marissa's bedroom door the scene becomes EXT. MARISSA'S BEDROOM - NIGHT because the focus was the bedroom, and the mother is talking to the father outside Marissa's bedroom. Unless you wanted to put, INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT.

The last two scenes could have been done this way because Marissa's mum and dad just come home, it is late and they might be tired especially waiting in the traffic at that time in the morning so long.

INT. PARENT'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Marissa's mother goes to the master bedroom bathroom. Erskine lies on the bed. He removes the remote control from the top of the draw next to the bed. He turns the television on. He sits up and stares with his mouth open, drop to the bed.

INT. TELEVISION - NIGHT
News report is on about a robbery. In the report Marissa's name is mentioned as the hostage.

INT. PARENT'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Erskine, Marissa's father belts out Marissa's name from the bedroom.

INT. MARISSA'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Marissa lies and hears her father yelling her name. She pulls the sheets over her head. She knows her parents are coming any second. She knows her charade has ended.

The ending could have been that the officer waits and Marissa's parents comes home to find the officer and he explains ignorantly what happened to their daughter. Marissa's dad thanks the officer and they all go inside. Marissa's dad and mum quarrels with her and she is grounded for the rest of the term.

I am so tired....

2009-10-21T00:07:00.001-07:00

I have new ideas and I woke up this morning to update what I had written two days ago. I will bring to class what we would have worked on for our treatment. The story has a BIG twist at the end....Hope you guys will enjoy it....hehehehe.....

But I am so tired.....Don't you guys feel drained.....my goodness!

The Lost Hearts of Brighter Hopes [FINAL VERSION]

2009-10-13T16:55:00.000-07:00

Kimberly Waithe, was standing at the bus stop waiting on her transportation to school. It was still early out and drew could still be seen on a plant by a nearby garden. She rechecked her bag to make sure she had all the essentials for her day and when she was satisfied, she began to over hear a conversation between two women at the bus stop.

“Yes girl! Heartman strikes again!”

“when?!”

“You ain got a Nation?! It all over de place chile! Dis body was found in Saint Andrew in a pig farm! Pigs chew up de body clean, but left de head! Unfortunately nuh body ain had no dental work fuh de man dat dem fin’”

Kimberly couldn’t help but listen in, but who were they talking about? She decided to nosey in a bit more…

“umm excuse me – Miss?..”

“yes dear?”

“I couldn’t help but hear you talking – would you be so kind as to tell me who is this “Heartman?”

“Oh! I would love to dear! But nobody knows who this man is, where he live or why de hell he doing wuh he doing?! All I gine tell you, is to keep yuh self ta yaself.”

Kimberly was in shock of what she was hearing. When she arrived at school, the same thing occurred, everyone was talking about the heart man’s latest killings. By lunch time everyone was standing or sitting around a tree with benches, and the rumor of the heartman had escalated. One boy in particular named Henderson, was in the center of the conversation, he was more pumped up than the rest of the students.

“yes man! I know what I see last week! Mr. Niles man!”

“You sure bout dis?” chimed another boy.

“I know what I see Kristopher! Mr Niles walk home that little boy from first form! And you know what happen?!”

Everyone shrugged.

“EXACTLY!” Henderson hollered.

“Dah lil boy gone missing! Nobody know where he is, de main see he ain days! He ain come school or nain so. An’ every time I try to ask Mr. Niles ‘bout it, he does get almost pale den! He is de heartman I telling you!”
“That is not so Henderson” Everyone turned around to see little framed Kimberly in the back of the small gathering.

“Who talking to you?!”

“I am! And you should not be going around spreading rumors about something you know nothing about!”

“shut up Kimberly! Ya poor grate shyte”

The children giggled, but Kimberly pressed on.

“I will not! Mr Niles is a nice man! And highly intelligent and a gentleman! He would never do what you said he did! But you ain know nuttin!”

Henderson stepped forward and walked up to Kimberly in that instant.

“ok then, let’s talk about something I DO know. What about what you told me about your daddy huh ? kim?”

“Don’t do it Henderson!”

“why not?, I tink everyone should about how he used to beat you bout and slam you head pon walls and frying pans – “

“shut up!”

“why?! Because you can’t cook!”

He laughed so hard he snorted. Kimberly was filled with rage and all she could do was leave an imprint on the side of his face with her palm. She turned away quickly and ran inside the class room with eyes burning. Mr Niles, who was sitting down behind his desk looked up the same time,

“Hey Kim, what happen? You ok?”

“Not really, would you mind if I stood inside today? Don’t really feel much like outside”

“Would you like to talk about it?”

“No sir, I would rather read if that’s ok with you.”

He nodded and continued with what he was doing. Kimberly sank into her seat at the back of the class, trying to contain herself. She took her biology book and started to make some notes, some footsteps came up behind her and an Egyptian book on rituals was placed on her desk. She looked up to see Mr Niles smiling down on her.
“If its recreational reading you want, this is one of my favorites.”

And he went back to his desk. Kimberly then began to watch his antics as he sat there in his chair, how he moved, very poised and very intense. She got so caught up in watching him that time just slipped away and soon lunch was over.

The children came streaming in the room, filling up the seats and they started to get ready for Mr. Niles’ class. Kimberly liked the class, not only because she was smitten with her teacher, but it was because she loved Maths. Logic was her thing and almost anything in the class you threw at her, she got right.

"Can anyone tell me the answer to this question?"

There was no answer from the students.

"At least the first step??..."

As he tries to teach, two young men in the class are handing out papers and passing them around. Mr. Niles starts to get annoyed with the class and just before he was about to speak a sixteen year old girl, named Kimberly started to raise her hand.

"Scuse me Sir, the answer is 6798...."

There was silence for a moment as Kimberly slowly dropped her hand. Soon after Mr. Niles smiled softly and began to nod his head in approval.

"Yes.. yes that's the answer. You did a very good job Kim"

"Thank you sir!!" She almost screamed out her gladness. The boys who were passing out the papers were being even more disruptive now giggling and and pointing at Mr. Niles and making a kissing noises at Kimberly with their mouths.

Mr. Niles starts to get a little annoyed and walks around the room and snatches the piece of paper just as it was about to be passed to another person.

“And what is this?” he asks.

“Man no sir!” pleaded Henderson, who was one of the top boys in the class.

As Mr. Niles opened the note, he slowly realizes what was hideously drawn on the piece of paper. An outline of a man holding what seemed to a heart and a little boy on the ground dead. Next to man, was an arrow with the name, “Mr. Niles” at the side.

“Who drew this?!” Mr. Niles furiously turned to face the room of now shamed faced school children. No one made a peep.

“I ask you who draw dis?!”

Still, there was silence. Mr. Niles realized, that no one was going to fess up, so he did the next best thing.

“Come here boy! You gine get made an example of!” He stepped forward in one step and grabbed Henderson Yarde from the back row. Mr. Niles dragged the young man who was a little over 6ft 2 to the front of the class on his toes.

“Now, if it’s not too much trouble, would you please entertain us, by telling the class, what you were doing passing this note around?”

Henderson's shoulders began to shake from fright, suddenly, a stutter appeared –

“I-I- c-c-can-“

“Y-y-you c-c-cant what?!” Mr. Niles taunted and turned to stare Henderson head on in his face.

“Wait sir! Wait! I gine tell you! I gine tell you now!” Some of the other children begged him not to say, others laughed in delight of the new found entertainment. Mr. Niles slammed his heavy hand the table and it echoed the whole room. Immediately, there was silence. He then pointed his finger at Henderson, so he could finish his story.

“Ok, sir, now don’t get ma-“

“Too late boy! And my patience running out!”

“Well, sir – y-yuh see right sir, ammm you rememba dere was talk going round bout lil children getting killed by dis man right?”
Henderson again begins to cautiously step away.

“Yes, I heard about it! It was on the calling programmes up to yesterday.”

“Well sir, y-yuh see right sir- you kinda… look… like… h-“

“Wuh is dah you say boy?!”

The bell rung just then and the boy picked up heels to the door, where he paused again and pointed his finger at Mr. Niles,

“HEARTMAN! HEARTMAN!HEARTMAN!! HEARTMAN!!!”

All the school children joined with Henderson and ran outside frantically seeing that Mr. Niles was making moves in their direction. However, Mr. Niles stopped frozen and just stood there, with hurt on his face and sat down quietly in his chair and began to pack up his things. A few moments after, there was a knock on the side door and a little girl about sixteen years old came in the room.

“Sir?.. Sir?!”

“Not now! I am not in the mood for your foolishment!” He then looked up to let the person have more of his fury, but then he saw who it was. Kim.

“Oh – hello dear- sorry about snapping at you, it’s been –“

“No apologies needed sir, I understand completely. Those boys are just immature.”

There was a moment of awkward silence, and Mr. Niles gently cleared his throat to urge her to explain what she wanted.

“Oh – amm sir, my dad just call me. He say he cann’ come for me and wants to know if you can walk me home this evening. Since this whole mess wid de serial killer going down he don’ want me to walk around by myself wid weirdoes about de place.”

Mr. Niles stood frozen looking at her for a long time. Kim starts to feel a little uncomfortable and tries to hurry on the conversation.

“Amm – you know what- I gine tell he sen me a taxi, don bother”

“No no no! Wait! I can do it!” he jumps up knocking some books out of his bag on to the floor and he quickly picks them up, almost trying to hide them from her. Kim rushed to his side to help him with his things and finds a very disturbing title written on one of the covers, she picks it up and reads it aloud,

“The Ancient World Occult Philosophy?”

Mr. Niles looks up paled face eyes swollen from shock and embarrassment.

“Umm- yea-.. I am doing a paper at UWI on different types of religions”

“Oh really?! That’s cool! That’s what I’m into – not the occult! The religious aspect. I’m now reading on the religions of ancient Egypt!”

She sounded excited for moment – almost too excited. Mr. Niles ushered her to the door and locked it behind them. As they began to walk out of the school yard, they began talking about different types of cultures from around the world, both ancient and modern. While doing so there was an old town hall which they passed, with an elderly choir singing a folk song called, “Yellow Bird”. Kim stopped in mid step and began singing the tune loudly. Mr. Niles was quite astonished to hear her voice, not too many youngsters knew that song, and knew it well at that! He watched her for a long time, her hips swaying under her skirt as she pretended to dance a waltz. Mr. Niles could not help himself and began to dance with her. After about a minute, Kim caught herself and what they were doing she broke the embrace and walked away at top speed! Mr. Niles had to half run to catch up to her.

“Hey Hey Hey… what’s the matter? You were doing very well.”

Kim continued walking fast with her eyes planted on the floor.

“I’m sorry sir.. I-”

“Please – “ he held her hand –

“Call me Jeffery.” He smiled reasurringly and placed his hand on her shoulder.

“Well Si- Mr.- I mean JEFFERY – I am usually a very shy person.” She slowed down a bit, taking her time now.

“Yes I see that, you are a very quite girl with a vivid imagination. You’re friends must envy your smarts”

Kim let out a large sigh and stopped again on the cart road.

“But that’s just it! I don’t have any friends!”

“I’m sure that’s not -”

“Yes it is! I am awkward and lonely! And people laugh at me once they find out what I like to do. Especially the boys. Whenever I tell one that I have a crush on them, they laugh and point and call me nerd girl or poor grate. I am just destined to be alone. Just like in the song yellowbird. ‘Yellow bird, up high in banana tree. Yellow bird, you sit all alone like me.’

Her eyes begin to tear up a bit and she begins to walk away again. Mr. Niles walks up to her and gives her a hug.

“Well I didn’t laugh at you did I.”

Kim shook her head embarrassed. She could smell his cologne in his shirt and what smelt like burnt sugar. She wondered what it could be, then she remembered she watched him eating a sugar cake today at lunch while he read his book. She was becoming very fond of Mr. Niles, he seemed like a very nice person and easy to talk to – and every good dancer. They pulled away for a bit and kept walking in silence for a couple of steps, they walked through different parts of the area, houses seemed to coming one every few meters now, till they were just seeing cane fields. The sunset had almost disappeared now and crickets were slowly coming out to sing.

“Uh, Kim?”

“Yes Mr. – sorry – Jeffery -”

“Where exactly do you live? We have been walking now for miles, it’s almost dark… are you sure that we are on the right road?”

“I think so, I don’t walk on this road a lot though, my dad usually comes for me anyways.”

“So you dad comes for you, and you don’t know how to get home? – Look, Kimberly -”

Suddenly, Kim looks around frantically,

“Wait! You hear that?!”

“No. What?”

“Jeffery! De heart man!”

“Oh come now, you don’t mean to tell me that you believe in that foolishment too! There is no heart man! I should know.”

Before he could finish, Kim grabbed Mr. Niles’ hand and began to run with him down the now darken road.

“Quick! Follow me please! I know a place where we would be safe!”

The two of then ran quickly down the cart road to an old shack, with the windows boarded up. There seemed to be an amber light coming from under the door.

“What’s that light there?” Mr. Niles asked. Kim paused at the door, and looked over her shoulder and beckoned him to follow her.

“Come.”

“NO! That’s breaking an entering!”

“Well I’m going! And if you were a gentleman, you would help me. Suppose de heart man in dey?!”

“So why de ass you gine in fuh?!”

“I thought you said there was no Heartman Jeffery”

“Well there isn’t! Well what I mean is-”

Before he could finish the argument Kim was already inside. Jeffery had to follow.

When he entered, there were candles in beakers, roses and lilies all over the room. A simple bed with white sheets and a pillow. There were little jars on a shelf with some sort of organs in them. He left the door and continued to walk around in the one room shack. He then heard a click of the door and turned around swiftly to see Kim with a wirily smile on her face.

“Kim?-”

“Before you start, let me talk first. It’s very important what I have to tell you. Now firstly, I live here, in this shack. Not with anyone just me. I don’t have any parents or relatives to keep me. I go to school up the road and then I come here, my haven ok? The things in those jars, are like my collections of things I have dissected.”

Mr. Niles looked on very confused and bewildered.

“What you mean dissected?”

“Well, I tend to play doctor on some domestic animals around the place. You know cut them open and try to find out, what – makes – them – tick…”

Kim then grabbed a pair of rubber gloves from the side of the table and gently put them on, and snapped the end on to her wrist. Mr. Niles now, very shaken is wondering what was happening to him with the school girl half his age.

“Look Kim – I don’t understand this at all – and quite frankly, I’m a lil concerned with how you carrying on. Please open the door so I can-”

“Leave?!”

She screamed the word loudly.

“No No No.. You can’t be like the rest Jeffery! Please don’t be like the rest.”

“What are you going on about now?”

“The rest of men in my life – I want you to stay here with me! We could talk for hours about any and everything, you don’t treat me like a freak. And if you come, I – I won’t be alone anymore…”

“I’ve had enough of this shyte girl! Open the blasted door!! You need some help Kim. Some serious help!”

“But – but I love you! I love you Jeffery!!”

“Mr. Niles to you.”

Kim opened her eyes wide! As if being filled with a terrifying rage. She grabbed a can of aerosol that was close to the gloves on the table and began spraying wildly in his direction. Mr. Niles immediately drops to the floor, squinting and trying focus properly.

“What you do to me?!”

“Making sure you stay Jeffery. You can stay here with me, forever. Instead of me watching from a distance.”

“Huh? What?!”

Mr. Niles head was positively out of it. His head was spinning so fast, even though he was sitting still.

You have no idea how much I love you do you?. I used to watch you every day at class how you used to teach. The way you ate, who you talked to. Then I followed you to UWI one day and snuck in a lecture you had about the Occult and I got hooked! You are so intelligent and gentleman like.”

Tears start to stream down her face as she goes for a craving knife on the shelf.

“Then the news of the stupid heart man came up and everyone saying it was you! I could not take it anymore I had to do something!”

Her gaze leaves Mr. Niles’ face and follows to the jars on the shelves.

“Oh good God, Kim – you didn’t!”

“I didn’t have a choice! I saw how they treated you day in and day out! They had no right! They teased me too, so I knew what it felt like!”

“But you don’t have to kill me too!”

“Do you love me?”

“What?!”

“Wrong answer! I’m sorry Jeffery, I really am… you seemed to be a nice guy, but I guess I was wrong. You were just like the rest. Just like my father, just like Henderson. No one wants to love me.”

Mr. Niles tried to stand up but whatever she gave him had him good. He could neither stand or crawl and now he was having difficulty in talking. His speech began to slur.
“No no I’m not! You can be a sweet girl – “

Kimberly bent down over Mr. Niles and covered his mouth with her hand.

“shhhh, im talking. And of course you are! My father used to beat on me over and over, till my eyes were swollen shut! And for no reason at all. Henderson – “

She sighed,

“Henderson, Henderson, Henderson – one of the cutest boys in the school. Popular! Came to me for help on an assignment. He played me, cuz that’s all he wanted, and when I found out it was too late! He told everybody about what I told him about my father. Smug little fucker.”

Mr. Niles began to speak again,

“I’m sor-“

“and you!, “ Kimberly screamed

“You were the worst! You led me on! I pined for you all day in class! Couldn’t you tell? Pushed up in class to get all the work right.”

Mr. Niles begins to whimper as his body goes limp and weary. Kimberly looks down on him as if her were a scared puppy.

“Aww don’t worry MR. NILES, that spray I gave you is filled with ether. Someething else I learnt from reading shit! It will eventually paralyze you. Don’t worry MR. NILES you have nothing to worry about, not where you are going”

She bends over him one last time and gave him gentle kiss. She could see him half awake, half asleep on the floor – it was time. She took a glass jar from the shelf, and placed it next to Mr. Niles. She placed her small fingers around the knife and began to cut into Mr. Niles, like a Christmas ham, while humming the tune to Yellow Bird. Mr. Niles screamed softly in pain for a moment, then, all was silent. Kim took his heart and etched Kim loves Jeffery on the front and placed it in the jar on the table. She dragged the body outside and dug a grave. On top she placed all the flowers on top of it. When she was done she grabbed a very girly looking book from under the bed and turned to the last page she had written on, with the face of Henderson on it. She circled it and smiled wittily. She picked up her cell phone and called Henderson’s number. The phone rang a bit, until she heard his voice.

“Hello?”

“Hi Henderson?”

“Yes?”

“This is Kim, from school?”

“Oh.. and what do you want now??”

“Umm, messy but fine. Anyways...Umm would you mind walking me home tomorrow evening? I don't know anyone else who would in class and my dad won’t be able to pick me up, he will be busy at work all evening and he doesn’t want a helpless girl like me on the road by herself…”

THE END

Treatment - The Heart Man

2009-10-10T07:34:00.000-07:00

Beginning:
Flashback of the ending of the story

EXT. HUNTER'S HOUSE - MORNING
A bloody butchered knife is caught in Humphrey's right hand. Humphrey is handcuffed by the police. Lieutenant Barry and Sergeant Larry got out of the police vehicle as quickly as they can and rushed to Humphrey with their guns in their hands. Humphrey is pushed into the polices' vehicle.

INT. LODGE SCHOOL CLASSROOM - DAY
Hunter is teaching Mathematics in the classroom. He is writing mathematics problems on the board. Everyone is paying attention. Chris and Tito look at each other. Hunter asks the students in the class the mathematical question. They look around at each other as Hunter stares at them. Chris incorrectly responds. Hunter responds. Tito also responds incorrectly. Hunter responds to the students in a jovial way. He informs them of lessons after school. The students sigh in regret.

EXT. QUEEN ELIZABETH HOSPITAL - DAY
Establishing shot of building.

INT. QUEEN ELIZABETH HOSPITAL - DAY
Humphrey is monitoring Susan McCastie's heart. His cellphone immediately rings. It is his wife Michelle.

INT. LAW FIRM - DAY
Michelle is talking to her husband Humphrey after calling him.

INT. QUEEN ELIZABETH HOSPITAL - AFTERNOON
Humphrey allows Nurse Pace to know he is leaving the hospital early. Nurse Pace responds to him.

EXT. LODGE SCHOOL CAR PARK - AFTERNOON
Humphrey gets out of his car. His two daughters wait in the car until he comes back. Humphrey walks to the school hall.

INT. LODGE SCHOOL HALL - AFTERNOON
His son is waiting in the school hall. Immediately as Humphrey is approaching the school hall, he runs into his twin brother Hunter. Hunter and Humphrey talk to each other for awhile. Hunter acknowledges to Humphrey he has to go to his after school lessons.

EXT. LODGE SCHOOL CAR PARK - AFTERNOON
Humphrey and his son approaches his car. Humphrey looks back at his brother as he walks to his car.

INT. LODGE SCHOOL CAR PARK - AFTERNOON
Humphrey and his son get into the car. Humphrey drives off and takes his children home.

INT. LODGE SCHOOL CAR PARK - EVENING
Hunter gets into his car and leaves.

EXT. CANE FIELDS - EVENING
The Heart Man is seen from behind. He grabs Dwayne Husbands and kills him from behind. He carefully cuts open his chest and takes his heart out. He pulls Dwayne Husbands into the middle of the cane field and leaves Dwayne's heart resting on his chest.

Middle:

INT. RADIO - MORNING
News reports is heard on the radio that 13 year old Dwayne Husbands, student from the Lodge school appeared missing. He was last seen yesterday by his peers and teachers. Anyone knowing the whereabouts of Dwayne Husbands is kindly ask to locate the nearest police station.

INT. HUNTER'S CAR - MORNING
Hunter hears the news report about his student Dwayne Husbands on the radio.

INT. PRINCIPAL OFFICE - MORNING
Principal Alleyne questions Hunter on the missing of his student. Hunter informs the principal that his students left before he did, and he did not hear or see anything strange.

EXT. THE PLAYING FIELD - MORNING
Two days later, students of the Lodge school found a dead body in the nearby cane fields. They were playing when they smelt a terrible odor. Police comes on the scene and investigates the body. The dead body was identified as Dwayne Husbands who was missing three days ago. Hunter is questioned by the police.

INT. RADIO - AFTERNOON
News report goes out that Dwayne Husbands who appeared missing three days ago is dead. He was found with his chest neatly cut open and his heart rested on top of his chest. His body also had severe stab wounds in the back and head.

INT. QUEEN ELIZABETH HOSPITAL - AFTERNOON
Humphrey hears the news report. Humphrey is questioned by Nurse Pace. Humphrey calls his brother Hunter.

INT. LODGE SCHOOL STAFFROOM - AFTERNOON
The staffroom telephone rings. Hunter answers it. It is his twin brother Humphrey. Hunter and Humphrey converse.

INT. LODGE SCHOOL STAFFROOM - EVENING
Hunter stays back at school to plan his lessons for the next day.

EXT. LODGE SCHOOL CAR PARK - EVENING
As Hunter was about to get into his car, he sees Tony Boyce waiting for his parents. He goes over to him to question him. Hunter calls Tony's mother, Harriet Boyce.

INT. HARRIET'S OFFICE - EVENING
Harriet's telephone rings. Hunter is on the other line. They both converse and decides that Hunter will drop him off at her workplace.

INT. HUNTER'S CAR - EVENING
Hunter and Tony get into the car. Hunter nods to Guard Kevin.

INT. GUARD HUT - EVENING
Guard Kevin nods back.

INT. HUNTER'S CAR - EVENING
Hunter drives off and drops off Tony in front of his mother's workplace.

EXT. HARRIET'S WORKPLACE - EVENING
Tony is grabbed outside the entrance door.

EXT. PARKING LOT - EVENING
He is murdered. His body is found dead behind the parking lot.

INT. SECURITY'S OFFICE - NIGHT
Officer Warden calls the police.

INT. POLICE STATION - NIGHT
The telephone rings. Lieutenant Barry answers the phone. He is inform on the murder.

INT. HARRIET'S OFFICE - NIGHT
Officer Warden knocks on Harriet's door. She is inform on her son's death.

EXT. PARKING LOT - NIGHT
Police investigate the scene. Hunter is called in to go to the station.

INT. POLICE STATION - NIGHT
Lieutenant Barry and Sergeant Larry question Hunter on the murder of Tony. He leaves the station after questioning.

INT. HUNTER'S HOME - NIGHT
Hunter is talking to his mother. His brother Humphrey calls him while he is still talking to his mother. He ends the call with Humphrey and continue to talk with his mum.

INT. HUNTER'S HOME - MORNING
Hunter reports sick for work.

INT. RADIO & TELEVISION - MORNING
News report comes in that another Lodge school student was murdered yesterday. Tony Boyce was last seen with his teacher, Hunter Robinson. Hunter Robinson is the number one suspect. Police is still carrying out investigations.

INT. STEPHEN'S HOME - MORNING
Shocking Stephen picks up his telephone to call Hunter.

INT. HUNTER'S HOME - MORNING
Hunter hesitantly answers his telephone. Hunter and Stephen converse.

INT. HUMPHREY'S HOME - EVENING
Humphrey's children are already home. Wife Michelle took the children home.

EXT. CANE FIELDS - EVENING
Humphrey waits among the fields as Sheldon Norris pass. Humphrey grabs the young lad. Sheldon elbows Humphrey in his lower body and immediately pulls away. He looks back and sees Humphrey's face. He runs home.

INT. SHIRLEY'S HOME - EVENING
Sheldon Norris goes home and tells his mother, Shirley Norris what had happened. He tells his mom it was Hunter who grabbed him. She reports the incident to the police.

EXT. HUNTER'S HOUSE - EVENING
Lieutenant Barry and Sergeant Larry rush to Hunter and handcuff him. Shocking Hunter is pushed into the police vehicle.

INT. RADIO - NIGHT
News report comes through that police have made an arrest. Hunter Robinson is the Heart Man. He attacked Sheldon Norris, another student from the Lodge school, but he fail to kill. Sheldon Norris was able to pull himself away and saw his attacker's face. He identified the attacker as his teacher, Hunter Robinson.

INT. HUMPHREY'S HOME - NIGHT
Humphrey's wife Michelle overreacts. Suspicious Humphrey is in physical pain, but doesn't show it. He calls his mother.

INT. MUMMY ROBINSON'S HOME - NIGHT
Mummy Robinson's telephone rings. It is Humphrey. They both converse on Hunter's situation. Mummy Robinson becomes suspicious.

INT. HUMPHREY'S HOME - NIGHT
Disturbed Humphrey puts down the telephone in his mother's ears.

INT. QUESTIONING ROOM - NIGHT
Hunter's lawyer questions him further. They converse. Stephen leaves Hunter.

INT. JAIL CELL - NIGHT
Hunter patiently awaits bail.

INT. JAIL CELL - MORNING
Hunter is released on bail.

EXT. HUNTER'S HOUSE - MORNING
Hunter returns home.

End:

INT. HUNTER'S HOME - MORNING
Hunter goes into his home and finds his twin brother Humphrey in his house. Hunter asks Humphrey questions. Humphrey does not respond. Humphrey pulls a butcher knife from behind him. Hunter becomes scared. Hunter's cell phone lies in his pocket. Hunter presses the last dial call on his cellular phone. Hunter's last dial on cell phone calls Stephen.

INT. STEPHEN'S HOME - MORNING
Stephen listens while he is calling the police. He leaves his house.

INT. STEPHEN'S CAR - MORNING
Stephen drives quickly to the police station.

INT. POLICE VEHICLE - MORNING
Lieutenant Barry, Sergeant Larry and Stephen is in the vehicle. Lieutenant Barry drives quickly to Hunter's house.

INT. HUNTER'S HOME - MORNING
Hunter and Humphrey converse. Humphrey jumps in fright when he hears Tito and Chris' knock on the door. Hunter realises it is his students Chris and Tito outside his front door. Hunter tries shouting to his students. Humphrey prevents Hunter by rushing at him with the butcher knife and stabbing him in the chest with it. Hunter quickly drops to the floor.

EXT. HUNTER'S HOUSE - MORNING
Humphrey quickly opens the door and rushes to Tito and Chris. Chris stumbles off the first step. Tito is stabbed in his right foot. Lieutenant Barry, Sergeant Larry and Stephen arrive and find Humphrey with the butcher knife in his right hand. Lieutenant Barry and Sergeant Larry rush quickly to Humphrey to arrest him. The ambulance arrives. The ambulance tends to Tito and Chris.

INT. HUNTER'S HOME - MORNING
Stephen rushes into Hunter's home to rescue him. The ambulance tends to Hunter.

INT. RADIO & TELEVISION - MORNING
News report goes out that Humphrey, Hunter's identical twin brother is the killer. He is the Heart Man. Hunter was stabbed in the chest, Tito in his right foot and Chris suffers severe head injury.

INT. HUMPHREY'S HOME - MORNING
Michelle Robinson, Humphrey's wife stays in shock.

INT. MUMMY ROBINSON'S HOME - MORNING
Mummy Robinson stays in shock and relieve at the same time.

INT. JAIL CELL - MORNING
Michelle pays Humphrey a visit in his cell.

INT. QUEEN ELIZABETH HOSPITAL - MORNING
Mummy Robinson visits her son Hunter in the hospital. Hunter lies there in critical conditions. Chris Marville's parents, Patrick Marville and Sophia Marville along with Tito Mosquito's parents, Terek Mosquito and Deborah Mosquito comes to the hospital to see their children.

Three Months Later:

INT. MUMMY ROBINSON'S HOME - MORNING
Hunter Robinson is on bed rest.

INT. MARVILLES' HOME - MORNING
Patrick and Sophia's son Chris is recovering.

INT. MOSQUITOS' HOME - MORNING
Terek and Deborah's son Tito is getting better.

INT. DODD'S PRISON - MORNING
Humphrey is charged with life in prison.

Brighter Hopes [Revised Part 2]

2009-10-07T03:13:00.000-07:00

Kimberly Waithe, was standing at the bus stop waiting on her transportation to school. It was still early out and drew could still be seen on a plant by a nearby garden. She rechecked her bag to make sure she had all the essentials for her day and when she was satisfied, she began to over hear a conversation between two women at the bus stop.

“Yes girl! Heartman strikes again!”

“when?!”

“You ain got a Nation?! It all over de place chile! Dis body was found in Saint Andrew in a pig farm! Pigs chew up de body clean, but left de head! Unfortunately nuh body ain had no dental work fuh de man dat dem fin’”

Kimberly couldn’t help but listen in, but who were they talking about? She decided to nosey in a bit more…

“umm excuse me – Miss?..”

“yes dear?”

“I couldn’t help but hear you talking – would you be so kind as to tell me who is this “Heartman?”

“Oh! I would love to dear! But nobody knows who this man is, where he live or why de hell he doing wuh he doing?! All I gine tell you, is to keep yuh self ta yaself.”

Kimberly was in shock of what she was hearing. When she arrived at school, the same thing occurred, everyone was talking about the heart man’s latest killings. By lunch time everyone was standing or sitting around a tree with benches, and the rumour of the heartman had escalated. One boy in particular named Henderson, was in the center of the conversation, he was more pumped up than the rest of the students.

“yes man! I know what I see last week! Mr. Niles man!”

“You sure bout dis?” chimed another boy.

“I know what I see Kristopher! Mr Niles walk home that little boy from first form! And you know what happen?!”

Everyone shrugged.

“EXACTLY!” Henderson hollered.

“Dah lil boy gone missing! No body know where he is, de main see he ain days! He ain come school or nain so. An’ every time I try to ask Mr. Niles ‘bout it, he does get almost pale den! He is de heartman I telling you!”
“That is not so Henderson” Everyone turned around to see little framed Kimberly in the back of the small gathering.

“Who talking to you?!”

“I am! And you should not be going around spreading rumors about something you know nothing about!”

“shut up Kimberly! Ya poor grate shyte”

The children giggled, but Kimberly pressed on.

“I will not! Mr Niles is a nice man! And highly intelligent and a gentleman! He would never do what you said he did! But you ain know nuttin!”

Henderson stepped forward and walked up to Kimberly in that instant.

“ok then, let’s talk about something I DO know. What about what you told me about your daddy huh ? kim?”

“Don’t do it Henderson!”

“why not?, I tink everyone should about how he used to beat you bout and slam you head pon walls and frying pans – “

“shut up!”

“why?! Because you can’t cook!”

He laughed so hard he snorted. Kimberly was filled with rage and all she could do was leave an imprint on the side of his face with her palm. She turned away quickly and ran inside the class room with eyes burning. Mr Niles, who was sitting down behind his desk looked up the same time,

“Hey Kim, what happen? You ok?”

“Not really, would you mind if I stood inside today? Don’t really feel much like outside”

“Would you like to talk about it?”

“No sir, I would rather read if that’s ok with you.”

He nodded and continued with what he was doing. Kimberly sank into her seat at the back of the class, trying to contain herself. She took her biology book and started to make some notes, some footsteps came up behind her and an Egyptian book on rituals was placed on her desk. She looked up to see Mr Niles smiling down on her.
“If its recreational reading you want, this is one of my favorites.”

And he went back to his desk. Kimberly then began to watch his antics as he sat there in his chair, how he moved, very poised and very intense. She got so caught up in watching him that time just slipped away and soon lunch was over.

The children came streaming in the room, filling up the seats and they started to get ready for Mr. Niles’ class. Kimberly liked the class, not only because she was smitten with her teacher, but it was because she loved Maths. Logic was her thing and almost anything in the class you threw at her, she got right.

"Can anyone tell me the answer to this question?"

There was no answer from the students.

"At least the first step??..."

As he tries to teach, two young men in the class are handing out papers and passing them around. Mr. Niles starts to get annoyed with the class and just before he was about to speak a sixteen year old girl, named Kimberly started to raise her hand.

"Scuse me Sir, the answer is 6798...."

There was silence for a moment as Kimberly slowly dropped her hand. Soon after Mr. Niles smiled softly and began to nod his head in approval.

"Yes.. yes that's the answer. You did a very good job Kim"

"Thank you sir!!" She almost screamed out her gladness. The boys who were passing out the papers were being even more disruptive now giggling and and pointing at Mr. Niles and making a kissing noises at Kimberly with their mouths.

Mr. Niles starts to get a little annoyed and walks around the room and snatches the piece of paper just as it was about to be passed to another person.

“And what is this?” he asks.

“Man no sir!” pleaded Henderson, who was one of the top boys in the class.

As Mr. Niles opened the note, he slowly realizes what was hideously drawn on the piece of paper. An outline of a man holding what seemed to a heart and a little boy on the ground dead. Next to man, was an arrow with the name, “Mr. Niles” at the side.

“Who drew this?!” Mr. Niles furiously turned to face the room of now shamed faced school children. No one made a peep.

“I ask you who draw dis?!”

Still, there was silence. Mr. Niles realized, that no one was going to fess up, so he did the next best thing.

“Come here boy! You gine get made an example of!” He stepped forward in one step and grabbed Henderson Yarde from the back row. Mr. Niles dragged the young man who was a little over 6ft 2 to the front of the class on his toes.

“Now, if it’s not too much trouble, would you please entertain us, by telling the class, what you were doing passing this note around?”

Henderson's shoulders began to shake from fright, suddenly, a stutter appeared –

“I-I- c-c-can-“

“Y-y-you c-c-cant what?!” Mr. Niles taunted and turned to stare Mark head on in his face.

“Wait sir! Wait! I gine tell you! I gine tell you now!” Some of the other children begged him not to say, others laughed in delight of the new found entertainment. Mr. Niles slammed his heavy hand the table and it echoed the whole room. Immediately, there was silence. He then pointed his finger at Henderson, so he could finish his story.

“Ok, sir, now don’t get ma-“

“Too late boy! And my patience running out!”

“Well, sir – y-yuh see right sir, ammm you rememba dere was talk going round bout lil children getting killed by dis man right?”
Henderson again begins to cautiously step away.

“Yes, I heard about it! It was on the calling programmes up to yesterday.”

“Well sir, y-yuh see right sir- you kinda… look… like… h-“

“Wuh is dah you say boy?!”

The bell rung just then and the boy picked up heels to the door, where he paused again and pointed his finger at Mr. Niles,

“HEARTMAN! HEARTMAN!HEARTMAN!! HEARTMAN!!!”

All the school children joined with Henderson and ran outside frantically seeing that Mr. Niles was making moves in their direction. However, Mr. Niles stopped frozen and just stood there, with hurt on his face and sat down quietly in his chair and began to pack up his things. A few moments after, there was a knock on the side door and a little girl about sixteen years old came in the room.

“Sir?.. Sir?!”

“Not now! I am not in the mood for your foolishment!” He then looked up to let the person have more of his fury, but then he saw who it was. Kim, a small framed girl with glasses, big brown eyes and corn rowed hair, down past her shoulders. The only student in the class that seemed to want to do work when it was or wasn’t given out. She carried a book of Egypt in one hand and her bag over her shoulder. There was always something that was different about her. She never flinched in class when he talked to her always got over 90% percent on her assignments - now this is student he’d have time for.

“Oh – hello dear- sorry about snapping at you, it’s been –“

“No apologies needed sir, I understand completely. Those boys are just immature.”

There was a moment of awkward silence, and Mr. Niles gently cleared his throat to urge her to explain what she wanted.

“Oh – amm sir, my dad just call me. He say he cann’ come for me and wants to know if you can walk me home this evening. Since this whole mess wid de serial killer going down he don’ want me to walk around by myself wid weirdoes about de place.”

Mr. Niles stood frozen looking at her for a long time. Kim starts to feel a little uncomfortable and tries to hurry on the conversation.

“Amm – you know what- I gine tell he sen me a taxi, don bother”

“No no no! Wait! I can do it!” he jumps up knocking some books out of his bag on to the floor and he quickly picks them up, almost trying to hide them from her. Kim rushed to his side to help him with his things and finds a very disturbing title written on one of the covers, she picks it up and reads it aloud,

“The Ancient World Occult Philosophy?”

Mr. Niles looks up paled face eyes swollen from shock and embarrassment.

“Umm- yea-.. I am doing a paper at UWI on different types of religions”

“Oh really?! That’s cool! That’s what I’m into – not the occult! The religious aspect. I’m now reading on the religions of ancient Egypt!”

She sounded excited for moment – almost too excited. Mr. Niles ushered her to the door and locked it behind them. As they began to walk out of the school yard, they began talking about different types of cultures from around the world, both ancient and modern. While doing so there was an old town hall which they passed, with an elderly choir singing a folk song called, “Yellow Bird”. Kim stopped in mid step and began singing the tune loudly. Mr. Niles was quite astonished to hear her voice, not too many youngsters knew that song, and knew it well at that! He watched her for a long time, her hips swaying under her skirt as she pretended to dance a waltz. Mr. Niles could not help himself and began to dance with her. After about a minute, Kim caught herself and what they were doing she broke the embrace and walked away at top speed! Mr. Niles had to half run to catch up to her.

“Hey Hey Hey… what’s the matter? You were doing very well.”

Kim continued walking fast with her eyes planted on the floor.

“I’m sorry sir.. I-”

“Please – “ he held her hand –

“Call me Jeffery.” He smiled reasurringly and placed his hand on her shoulder.

“Well Si- Mr.- I mean JEFFERY – I am usually a very shy person.” She slowed down a bit, taking her time now.

“Yes I see that, you are a very quite girl with a vivid imagination. You’re friends must envy your smarts”

Kim let out a large sigh and stopped again on the cart road.

“But that’s just it! I don’t have any friends!”

“I’m sure that’s not -”

“Yes it is! I am awkward and lonely! And people laugh at me once they find out what I like to do. Especially the boys. Whenever I tell one that I have a crush on them, they laugh and point and call me nerd girl or poor grate. I am just destined to be alone. Just like in the song yellowbird. ‘Yellow bird, up high in banana tree. Yellow bird, you sit all alone like me.’

Her eyes begin to tear up a bit and she begins to walk away again. Mr. Niles walks up to her and gives her a hug.

“Well I didn’t laugh at you did I.”

Kim shook her head embarrassed. She could smell his cologne in his shirt and what smelt like burnt sugar. She wondered what it could be, then she remembered she watched him eating a sugar cake today at lunch while he read his book. She was becoming very fond of Mr. Niles, he seemed like a very nice person and easy to talk to – and every good dancer. They pulled away for a bit and kept walking in silence for a couple of steps, they walked through different parts of the area, houses seemed to coming one every few meters now, till they were just seeing cane fields. The sunset had almost disappeared now and crickets were slowly coming out to sing.

“Uh, Kim?”

“Yes Mr. – sorry – Jeffery -”

“Where exactly do you live? We have been walking now for miles, it’s almost dark… are you sure that we are on the right road?”

“I think so, I don’t walk on this road a lot though, my dad usually comes for me anyways.”

“So you dad comes for you, and you don’t know how to get home? – Look, Kimberly -”

Suddenly, Kim looks around frantically,

“Wait! You hear that?!”

“No. What?”

“Jeffery! De heart man!”

“Oh come now, you don’t mean to tell me that you believe in that foolishment too! There is no heart man! I should know.”

Before he could finish, Kim grabbed Mr. Niles’ hand and began to run with him down the now darken road.

“Quick! Follow me please! I know a place where we would be safe!”

The two of then ran quickly down the cart road to an old shack, with the windows boarded up. There seemed to be an amber light coming from under the door.

“What’s that light there?” Mr. Niles asked. Kim paused at the door, and looked over her shoulder and beckoned him to follow her.

“Come.”

“NO! That’s breaking an entering!”

“Well I’m going! And if you were a gentleman, you would help me. Suppose de heart man in dey?!”

“So why de ass you gine in fuh?!”

“I thought you said there was no Heartman Jeffery”

“Well there isn’t! Well what I mean is-”

Before he could finish the argument Kim was already inside. Jeffery had to follow.

When he entered, there were candles in beakers, roses and lilies all over the room. A simple bed with white sheets and a pillow. There were little jars on a shelf with some sort of organs in them. He left the door and continued to walk around in the one room shack. He then heard a click of the door and turned around swiftly to see Kim with a wirily smile on her face.

“Kim?-”

“Before you start, let me talk first. It’s very important what I have to tell you. Now firstly, I live here, in this shack. Not with anyone just me. I don’t have any parents or relatives to keep me. I go to school up the road and then I come here, my haven ok? The things in those jars, are like my collections of things I have dissected.”

Mr. Niles looked on very confused and bewildered.

“What you mean dissected?”

“Well, I tend to play doctor on some domestic animals around the place. You know cut them open and try to find out, what – makes – them – tick…”

Kim then grabbed a pair of rubber gloves from the side of the table and gently put them on, and snapped the end on to her wrist. Mr. Niles now, very shaken is wondering what was happening to him with the school girl half his age.

“Look Kim – I don’t understand this at all – and quite frankly, I’m a lil concerned with how you carrying on. Please open the door so I can-”

“Leave?!”

She screamed the word loudly.

“No No No.. You can’t be like the rest Jeffery! Please don’t be like the rest.”

“What are you going on about now?”

“The rest of men in my life – I want you to stay here with me! We could talk for hours about any and everything, you don’t treat me like a freak. And if you come, I – I won’t be alone anymore…”

“I’ve had enough of this shyte girl! Open the blasted door!! You need some help Kim. Some serious help!”

“But – but I love you! I love you Jeffery!!”

“Mr. Niles to you.”

Kim opened her eyes wide! As if being filled with a terrifying rage. She grabbed a can of aerosol that was close to the gloves on the table and began spraying wildly in his direction. Mr. Niles immediately drops to the floor, squinting and trying focus properly.

“What you do to me?!”

“Making sure you stay Jeffery. You can stay here with me, forever. Instead of me watching from a distance.”

“Huh? What?!”

Mr. Niles head was positively out of it. His head was spinning so fast, even though he was sitting still.

You have no idea how much I love you do you?. I used to watch you every day at class how you used to teach. The way you ate, who you talked to. Then I followed you to UWI one day and snuck in a lecture you had about the Occult and I got hooked! You are so intelligent and gentleman like.”

Tears start to stream down her face as she goes for a craving knife on the shelf.

“Then the news of the stupid heart man came up and everyone saying it was you! I could not take it anymore I had to do something!”

Her gaze leaves Mr. Niles’ face and follows to the jars on the shelves.

“Oh good God, Kim – you didn’t!”

“I didn’t have a choice! I saw how they treated you day in and day out! They had no right! They teased me too, so I knew what it felt like!”

“But you don’t have to kill me too!”

“Do you love me?”

“What?!”

“Wrong answer! I’m sorry Jeffery, I really am… you seemed to be a nice guy, but I guess I was wrong.”

Mr. Niles tried to stand up but whatever she gave him had him good. He could neither stand or crawl and now he was having difficulty in talking. His speech began to slur.

“Aww don’t worry MR. NILES, that spray I gave you is filled with a combination of lethal poisons. Something else I learnt from reading shit! It will eventually paralyze.” Aww don’t worry MR. NILES you have nothing to worry about, not where you are going”

She bends over him one last time and gave him gentle kiss. She could see him half awake, half asleep on the floor – it was time. She took a glass jar from the shelf, and placed it next to Mr. Niles. She placed her small fingers around the knife and began to cut into Mr. Niles, like a Christmas ham, while humming the tune to Yellow Bird. Mr. Niles screamed softly in pain for a moment, then, all was silent. Kim took his heart and etched Kim loves Jeffery on the front and placed it in the jar on the table. She dragged the body outside and dug a grave. On top she placed all the flowers on top of it. When she was done she grabbed a very girly looking book from under the bed and turned to the last page she had written on, with the face of Henderson on it. She circled it and smiled wittily. She picked up her cell phone and called Henderson’s number. The phone rang a bit, until she heard his voice.

“Hello?”

“Hi Henderson?”

“Yes?”

“This is Kim, from school?”

“Oh.. and what do you want now??”

“Umm, messy but fine. Anyways...Umm would you mind walking me home tomorrow evening? I don't know anyone else who would in class and my dad won’t be able to pick me up, he will be busy at work all evening and he doesn’t want a helpless girl like me on the road by herself…”

THE END

The Lost Hearts of Brighter Hopes [Revised Version]

2009-10-01T11:29:00.000-07:00

It is another seemingly normal afternoon at Bright Hopes Secondary School and the Mathematics teacher, Mr. Jeffery Niles; is finishing up the final question of his evening for his weekly extra lessons class.

"Can anyone tell me the answer to this question?"

There was no answer from the students.

"At least the first step??..."

As he tries to teach, two young men in the class are handing out papers and passing them around. Mr. Niles starts to get annoyed with the class and just before he was about to speak a sixteen year old girl, named Kimberly started to raise her hand.

"Scuse me Sir, the answer is 6798...."

There was silence for a moment as Kimberly slowly dropped her hand. Soon after Mr. Niles smiled softly and began to nod his head in approval.

"Yes.. yes that's the answer. You did a very good job Kim"

"Thank you sir!!" She almost screamed out her gladness. The boys who were passing out the papers were being even more disruptive now giggling and and pointing at Mr. Niles and making a kissing noises at Kimberly with their mouths.

Mr. Niles starts to get a little annoyed and walks around the room and snatches the piece of paper just as it was about to be passed to another person.

“And what is this?” he asks.

“Man no sir!” pleaded Henderson, who was one of the top boys in the class.

As Mr. Niles opened the note, he slowly realizes what was hideously drawn on the piece of paper. An outline of a man holding what seemed to a heart and a little boy on the ground dead. Next to man, was an arrow with the name, “Mr. Niles” at the side.

“Who drew this?!” Mr. Niles furiously turned to face the room of now shamed faced school children. No one made a peep.

“I ask you who draw dis?!”

Still, there was silence. Mr. Niles realized, that no one was going to fess up, so he did the next best thing.

“Come here boy! You gine get made an example of!” He stepped forward in one step and grabbed Henderson Yarde from the back row. Mr. Niles dragged the young man who was a little over 6ft 2 to the front of the class on his toes.

“Now, if it’s not too much trouble, would you please entertain us, by telling the class, what you were doing passing this note around?”

Henderson's shoulders began to shake from fright, suddenly, a stutter appeared –

“I-I- c-c-can-“

“Y-y-you c-c-cant what?!” Mr. Niles taunted and turned to stare Mark head on in his face.

“Wait sir! Wait! I gine tell you! I gine tell you now!” Some of the other children begged him not to say, others laughed in delight of the new found entertainment. Mr. Niles slammed his heavy hand the table and it echoed the whole room. Immediately, there was silence. He then pointed his finger at Henderson, so he could finish his story.

“Ok, sir, now don’t get ma-“

“Too late boy! And my patience running out!”

“Well, sir – y-yuh see right sir, ammm you rememba dere was talk going round bout lil children getting killed by dis man right?”
Henderson again begins to cautiously step away.

“Yes, I heard about it! It was on the calling programmes up to yesterday.”

“Well sir, y-yuh see right sir- you kinda… look… like… h-“

“Wuh is dah you say boy?!”

The bell rung just then and the boy picked up heels to the door, where he paused again and pointed his finger at Mr. Niles,

“HEARTMAN! HEARTMAN!HEARTMAN!! HEARTMAN!!!”

All the school children joined with Henderson and ran outside frantically seeing that Mr. Niles was making moves in their direction. However, Mr. Niles stopped frozen and just stood there, with hurt on his face and sat down quietly in his chair and began to pack up his things. A few moments after, there was a knock on the side door and a little girl about sixteen years old came in the room.

“Sir?.. Sir?!”

“Not now! I am not in the mood for your foolishment!” He then looked up to let the person have more of his fury, but then he saw who it was. Kim, a small framed girl with glasses, big brown eyes and corn rowed hair, down past her shoulders. The only student in the class that seemed to want to do work when it was or wasn’t given out. She carried a book of Egypt in one hand and her bag over her shoulder. There was always something that was different about her. She never flinched in class when he talked to her always got over 90% percent on her assignments - now this is student he’d have time for.

“Oh – hello dear- sorry about snapping at you, it’s been –“

“No apologies needed sir, I understand completely. Those boys are just immature.”

There was a moment of awkward silence, and Mr. Niles gently cleared his throat to urge her to explain what she wanted.

“Oh – amm sir, my dad just call me. He say he cann’ come for me and wants to know if you can walk me home this evening. Since this whole mess wid de serial killer going down he don’ want me to walk around by myself wid weirdoes about de place.”

Mr. Niles stood frozen looking at her for a long time. Kim starts to feel a little uncomfortable and tries to hurry on the conversation.

“Amm – you know what- I gine tell he sen me a taxi, don bother”

“No no no! Wait! I can do it!” he jumps up knocking some books out of his bag on to the floor and he quickly picks them up, almost trying to hide them from her. Kim rushed to his side to help him with his things and finds a very disturbing title written on one of the covers, she picks it up and reads it aloud,

“The Ancient World Occult Philosophy?”

Mr. Niles looks up paled face eyes swollen from shock and embarrassment.

“Umm- yea-.. I am doing a paper at UWI on different types of religions”

“Oh really?! That’s cool! That’s what I’m into – not the occult! The religious aspect. I’m now reading on the religions of ancient Egypt!”

She sounded excited for moment – almost too excited. Mr. Niles ushered her to the door and locked it behind them. As they began to walk out of the school yard, they began talking about different types of cultures from around the world, both ancient and modern. While doing so there was an old town hall which they passed, with an elderly choir singing a folk song called, “Yellow Bird”. Kim stopped in mid step and began singing the tune loudly. Mr. Niles was quite astonished to hear her voice, not too many youngsters knew that song, and knew it well at that! He watched her for a long time, her hips swaying under her skirt as she pretended to dance a waltz. Mr. Niles could not help himself and began to dance with her. After about a minute, Kim caught herself and what they were doing she broke the embrace and walked away at top speed! Mr. Niles had to half run to catch up to her.

“Hey Hey Hey… what’s the matter? You were doing very well.”

Kim continued walking fast with her eyes planted on the floor.

“I’m sorry sir.. I-”

“Please – “ he held her hand –

“Call me Jeffery.” He smiled reasurringly and placed his hand on her shoulder.

“Well Si- Mr.- I mean JEFFERY – I am usually a very shy person.” She slowed down a bit, taking her time now.

“Yes I see that, you are a very quite girl with a vivid imagination. You’re friends must envy your smarts”

Kim let out a large sigh and stopped again on the cart road.

“But that’s just it! I don’t have any friends!”

“I’m sure that’s not -”

“Yes it is! I am awkward and lonely! And people laugh at me once they find out what I like to do. Especially the boys. Whenever I tell one that I have a crush on them, they laugh and point and call me nerd girl or poor grate. I am just destined to be alone. Just like in the song yellowbird. ‘Yellow bird, up high in banana tree. Yellow bird, you sit all alone like me.’

Her eyes begin to tear up a bit and she begins to walk away again. Mr. Niles walks up to her and gives her a hug.

“Well I didn’t laugh at you did I.”

Kim shook her head embarrassed. She could smell his cologne in his shirt and what smelt like burnt sugar. She wondered what it could be, then she remembered she watched him eating a sugar cake today at lunch while he read his book. She was becoming very fond of Mr. Niles, he seemed like a very nice person and easy to talk to – and every good dancer. They pulled away for a bit and kept walking in silence for a couple of steps, they walked through different parts of the area, houses seemed to coming one every few meters now, till they were just seeing cane fields. The sunset had almost disappeared now and crickets were slowly coming out to sing.

“Uh, Kim?”

“Yes Mr. – sorry – Jeffery -”

“Where exactly do you live? We have been walking now for miles, it’s almost dark… are you sure that we are on the right road?”

“I think so, I don’t walk on this road a lot though, my dad usually comes for me anyways.”

“So you dad comes for you, and you don’t know how to get home? – Look, Kimberly -”

Suddenly, Kim looks around frantically,

“Wait! You hear that?!”

“No. What?”

“Jeffery! De heart man!”

“Oh come now, you don’t mean to tell me that you believe in that foolishment too! There is no heart man! I should know.”

Before he could finish, Kim grabbed Mr. Niles’ hand and began to run with him down the now darken road.

“Quick! Follow me please! I know a place where we would be safe!”

The two of then ran quickly down the cart road to an old shack, with the windows boarded up. There seemed to be an amber light coming from under the door.

“What’s that light there?” Mr. Niles asked. Kim paused at the door, and looked over her shoulder and beckoned him to follow her.

“Come.”

“NO! That’s breaking an entering!”

“Well I’m going! And if you were a gentleman, you would help me. Suppose de heart man in dey?!”

“So why de ass you gine in fuh?!”

“I thought you said there was no Heartman Jeffery”

“Well there isn’t! Well what I mean is-”

Before he could finish the argument Kim was already inside. Jeffery had to follow.

When he entered, there were candles in beakers, roses and lilies all over the room. A simple bed with white sheets and a pillow. There were little jars on a shelf with some sort of organs in them. He left the door and continued to walk around in the one room shack. He then heard a click of the door and turned around swiftly to see Kim with a wirily smile on her face.

“Kim?-”

“Before you start, let me talk first. It’s very important what I have to tell you. Now firstly, I live here, in this shack. Not with anyone just me. I don’t have any parents or relatives to keep me. I go to school up the road and then I come here, my haven ok? The things in those jars, are like my collections of things I have dissected.”

Mr. Niles looked on very confused and bewildered.

“What you mean dissected?”

“Well, I tend to play doctor on some domestic animals around the place. You know cut them open and try to find out, what – makes – them – tick…”

Kim then grabbed a pair of rubber gloves from the side of the table and gently put them on, and snapped the end on to her wrist. Mr. Niles now, very shaken is wondering what was happening to him with the school girl half his age.

“Look Kim – I don’t understand this at all – and quite frankly, I’m a lil concerned with how you carrying on. Please open the door so I can-”

“Leave?!”

She screamed the word loudly.

“No No No.. You can’t be like the rest Jeffery! Please don’t be like the rest.”

“What are you going on about now?”

“The rest of men in my life – I want you to stay here with me! We could talk for hours about any and everything, you don’t treat me like a freak. And if you come, I – I won’t be alone anymore…”

“I’ve had enough of this shyte girl! Open the blasted door!! You need some help Kim. Some serious help!”

“But – but I love you! I love you Jeffery!!”

“Mr. Niles to you.”

Kim opened her eyes wide! As if being filled with a terrifying rage. She grabbed a can of aerosol that was close to the gloves on the table and began spraying wildly in his direction. Mr. Niles immediately drops to the floor, squinting and trying focus properly.

“What you do to me?!”

“Making sure you stay Jeffery. You can stay here with me, forever. Instead of me watching from a distance.”

“Huh? What?!”

Mr. Niles head was positively out of it. His head was spinning so fast, even though he was sitting still.

You have no idea how much I love you do you?. I used to watch you every day at class how you used to teach. The way you ate, who you talked to. Then I followed you to UWI one day and snuck in a lecture you had about the Occult and I got hooked! You are so intelligent and gentleman like.”

Tears start to stream down her face as she goes for a craving knife on the shelf.

“Then the news of the stupid heart man came up and everyone saying it was you! I could not take it anymore I had to do something!”

Her gaze leaves Mr. Niles’ face and follows to the jars on the shelves.

“Oh good God, Kim – you didn’t!”

“I didn’t have a choice! I saw how they treated you day in and day out! They had no right! They teased me too, so I knew what it felt like!”

“But you don’t have to kill me too!”

“Do you love me?”

“What?!”

“Wrong answer! I’m sorry Jeffery, I really am… you seemed to be a nice guy, but I guess I was wrong.”

Mr. Niles tried to stand up but whatever she gave him had him good. He could neither stand or crawl and now he was having difficulty in talking. His speech began to slur.

“Aww don’t worry MR. NILES, that spray I gave you is filled with a combination of lethal poisons. Something else I learnt from reading shit! It will eventually paralyze.” Aww don’t worry MR. NILES you have nothing to worry about, not where you are going”

She bends over him one last time and gave him gentle kiss. She could see him half awake, half asleep on the floor – it was time. She took a glass jar from the shelf, and placed it next to Mr. Niles. She placed her small fingers around the knife and began to cut into Mr. Niles, like a Christmas ham, while humming the tune to Yellow Bird. Mr. Niles screamed softly in pain for a moment, then, all was silent. Kim took his heart and etched Kim loves Jeffery on the front and placed it in the jar on the table. She dragged the body outside and dug a grave. On top she placed all the flowers on top of it. When she was done she grabbed a very girly looking book from under the bed and turned to the last page she had written on, with the face of Henderson on it. She circled it and smiled wittily. She picked up her cell phone and called Henderson’s number. The phone rang a bit, until she heard his voice.

“Hello?”

“Hi Henderson?”

“Yes?”

“This is Kim, from school?”

“Oh.. and what do you want now??”

“Umm, messy but fine. Anyways...Umm would you mind walking me home tomorrow evening? I don't know anyone else who would in class and my dad won’t be able to pick me up, he will be busy at work all evening and he doesn’t want a helpless girl like me on the road by herself…”

THE END

Treatment Of The Script

2009-10-01T09:12:00.000-07:00

1. Mr. Jeffery Niles is finishing his evening lessons.
Late evening classroom, Children are being disruptive.

2. The children are disruptive and refuse to focus.
Children are passing around papers and making jokes.

3. He finds a note that someone has drawn of him as a serial killer.
Looks at the paper, then to the class.

4. The class runs out laughing at him.
Children grab their bags and books rushing out of the class.

5. Kimberly comes to ask him to walk her home.
The side door is opem, Kimberly is in the dorrway, watching Mr. Niles.
Shes talks to him for a bit.

6. They leave the compound and start walking through the neighborhood.
Late evening, outside the school yard, with vegtable feilds and cane ground.
A paved road with not too much traffic.

7. They both begin to talk about their interests and realize they have things in common.
*****************************

8. They past the old town hall and sing a song and dance together.
Old town hall with an all female choir.
There is a garden with flowers where Kim and Jeff are.

9. Kim confides in Mr. Niles and tells him that she is no good and boys don't like her.
Paved road late evening.

10. Jeffery reassures her that she is worth something.
Jeff holds Kim's hand and talk to her gently.

11. It gets dark and they try to make it to Kim's house.
Dusk: They walk down the deserted cart road with cane feilds.

12. Kim gets scared at a noise and think it's the heart man, they both run to a beaten down old shack.
Kim and Jeffery got into an argument.
Kim runs in a shack.

13. Kim comes out with a secret, that she is in love with Jeffery and she made this
place for them and wants them to get together.
Inside the shack, lit candles and amber light.
Bed with flowers and jar with organs.
Kim puts on gloves at the table.

14. Jeffery refuses, and thinks the girl needs help. He goes to leave but is sprayed in the face with knock out spray and he soon feels paralyzed.
Jeffery is taunted by Kim.
Ether is sprayed into Jeff's face and he is stunned.

15. Kim cries and tells him that she is sorry, but if he wont love her and give him her heart, she is going to take it.
They are both on the floor in the shack.

16. She kills Jeffery, cuts out his heart and etches their names on it.
*************************************

17. She then buries Jeffery out back behind the shack.
Outside in the cane ground, there is what seems to be little graves.
There is one that is fresh and already prepared fro someone to be buried in it.
There are shovles and tools for digging.

18. She then calls Henderson to walk her home the next evening after class.
Kim sits down on the bed with a cell phone.
She opens a book with all the men and boys that she killed.
She makes a call to Henderson

Points To The Lost Heart's Story:

2009-09-30T01:46:00.000-07:00

1. Mr. Jeffery Niles is finishing his evening lessons.

2. The children are disruptive and refuse to focus.

3. He finds a note that someone has drawn of him as a serial killer.

4. The class runs out laughing at him.

5. Kimberly comes to ask him to walk her home.

6. They leave the compound and start walking through the neighborhood.

7. They both begin to talk about their interests and realize they have things in common.

8. They past the old town hall and sing a song and dance together.

9. Kim confides in Mr. Niles and tells him that she is no good and boys don't like her.

10. Jeffery reassures her that she is worth something.

11. It gets dark and they try to make it to Kim's house.

12. Kim gets scared at a noise and think it's the heart man, they both run to a beaten down old shack.

13. Kim comes out with a secret, that she is in love with Jeffery and she made this place for them and wants them to get together.

14. Jeffery refuses, and thinks the girl needs help. He goes to leave but is sprayed in the face with knock out spray and he soon feels paralyzed.

15. Kim cries and tells him that she is sorry, but if he wont love her and give him her heart, she is going to take it.

16. She kills Jeffery, cuts out his heart and etches their names on it.

17. She then buries Jeffery out back behind the shack.

18. She then calls Henderson to walk her home the next evening after class.

Character's In The Lost Hearts Story

2009-09-30T01:25:00.000-07:00

Kimberly Waithe (Central Character)

A 15 year old girl who seems very introverted. She is near sighted and is very intelligent. In her earlier life, she was abused by her father and she ran away from home and bounced from orphanage to orphanage until the present day where she has run away from home and living in a shack. She has very low self esteem and tried to take her life numerous times before during the Adoptive family process. She is very distant with the students in the class especially the boys, because she was turned once by another student, who thought she was ugly, skinny and thought she carried too much emotional baggage for her age. He told the class about some of the things she was into and some details about her past, they laughed and jeered at her and she eventually became an outcast.

She also likes to watch people and see what makes them tick, in doing so, she becomes addicted to watching her teacher, Mr. Jeffery Niles. She eventually stalks him and becomes distributional that they could be lovers.

Jeffery Niles (Secondary Character)
A 35 year old maths teacher. Tall and slim build and very strict. He believes in working hard and saving play for later. He is pursuing his degree in Philosophy at the university and is very knowledgeable in the field he is studying. He comes from a single parent home, where his mother was very controlling in the things he wanted and how things should be done.

Henderson Yarde (Tertiary Character)
A 15 year old boy in Mr. Niles class. He usually gives no trouble, but when with his friends, he turns into a follower. He is very bright in Maths, Science and Accounts and wants to be a Banker like his father. He does not like Kimberly because he thinks she has too many family problems in her life and he think he is too young to be tied down to one girl for so long. Also, when the mood suits him, he would help out his class mates with any thing he think he could do.

The Lost Hearts of Brighter Hopes

2009-09-29T18:49:00.000-07:00

It is another seemingly normal afternoon at Bright Hopes Secondary School and the Mathematics teacher, Mr. Jeffery Niles; is finishing up the final question of his evening for his weekly extra lessons class. As he tries to teach, two young men in the class are handing out papers and passing them around. Mr. Niles starts to get a little annoyed and walks around the room and snatches the piece of paper just as it was about to be passed to another person.

“And what is this?” he asks.

“Man no sir!” pleaded Henderson, who was one of the top boys in the class.

As Mr. Niles opened the note, he slowly realizes what was hideously drawn on the piece of paper. An outline of a man holding what seemed to a heart and a little boy on the ground dead. Next to man, was an arrow with the name, “Mr. Niles” at the side.

“Who drew this?!” Mr. Niles furiously turned to face the room of now shamed faced school children. No one made a peep.

“I ask you who draw dis?!”

Still, there was silence. Mr. Niles realized, that no one was going to fess up, so he did the next best thing.

“Come here boy! You gine get made an example of!” He stepped forward in one step and grabbed Henderson Yarde from the back row. Mr. Niles dragged the young man who was a little over 6ft 2 to the front of the class on his toes.

“Now, if it’s not too much trouble, would you please entertain us, by telling the class, what you were doing passing this note around?”

Henderson's shoulders began to shake from fright, suddenly, a stutter appeared –

“I-I- c-c-can-“

“Y-y-you c-c-cant what?!” Mr. Niles taunted and turned to stare Mark head on in his face.

“Wait sir! Wait! I gine tell you! I gine tell you now!” Some of the other children begged him not to say, others laughed in delight of the new found entertainment. Mr. Niles slammed his heavy hand the table and it echoed the whole room. Immediately, there was silence. He then pointed his finger at Henderson, so he could finish his story.

“Ok, sir, now don’t get ma-“

“Too late boy! And my patience running out!”

“Well, sir – y-yuh see right sir, ammm you rememba dere was talk going round bout lil children getting killed by dis man right?”
Henderson again begins to cautiously step away.

“Yes, I heard about it! It was on the calling programmes up to yesterday.”

“Well sir, y-yuh see right sir- you kinda… look… like… h-“

“Wuh is dah you say boy?!”

The bell rung just then and the boy picked up heels to the door, where he paused again and pointed his finger at Mr. Niles,

“HEARTMAN! HEARTMAN!HEARTMAN!! HEARTMAN!!!”

All the school children joined with Henderson and ran outside frantically seeing that Mr. Niles was making moves in their direction. However, Mr. Niles stopped frozen and just stood there, with hurt on his face and sat down quietly in his chair and began to pack up his things. A few moments after, there was a knock on the side door and a little girl about sixteen years old came in the room.

“Sir?.. Sir?!”

“Not now! I am not in the mood for your foolishment!” He then looked up to let the person have more of his fury, but then he saw who it was. Kim, a small framed girl with glasses, big brown eyes and corn rowed hair, down past her shoulders. The only student in the class that seemed to want to do work when it was or wasn’t given out. She carried a book of Egypt in one hand and her bag over her shoulder. There was always something that was different about her. She never flinched in class when he talked to her always got over 90% percent on her assignments - now this is student he’d have time for.

“Oh – hello dear- sorry about snapping at you, it’s been –“

“No apologies needed sir, I understand completely. Those boys are just immature.”

There was a moment of awkward silence, and Mr. Niles gently cleared his throat to urge her to explain what she wanted.

“Oh – amm sir, my dad just call me. He say he cann’ come for me and wants to know if you can walk me home this evening. Since this whole mess wid de serial killer going down he don’ want me to walk around by myself wid weirdoes about de place.”

Mr. Niles stood frozen looking at her for a long time. Kim starts to feel a little uncomfortable and tries to hurry on the conversation.

“Amm – you know what- I gine tell he sen me a taxi, don bother”

“No no no! Wait! I can do it!” he jumps up knocking some books out of his bag on to the floor and he quickly picks them up, almost trying to hide them from her. Kim rushed to his side to help him with his things and finds a very disturbing title written on one of the covers, she picks it up and reads it aloud,

“The Ancient World Occult Philosophy?”

Mr. Niles looks up paled face eyes swollen from shock and embarrassment.

“Umm- yea-.. I am doing a paper at UWI on different types of religions”

“Oh really?! That’s cool! That’s what I’m into – not the occult! The religious aspect. I’m now reading on the religions of ancient Egypt!”

She sounded excited for moment – almost too excited. Mr. Niles ushered her to the door and locked it behind them. As they began to walk out of the school yard, they began talking about different types of cultures from around the world, both ancient and modern. While doing so there was an old town hall which they passed, with an elderly choir singing a folk song called, “Yellow Bird”. Kim stopped in mid step and began singing the tune loudly. Mr. Niles was quite astonished to hear her voice, not too many youngsters knew that song, and knew it well at that! He watched her for a long time, her hips swaying under her skirt as she pretended to dance a waltz. Mr. Niles could not help himself and began to dance with her. After about a minute, Kim caught herself and what they were doing she broke the embrace and walked away at top speed! Mr. Niles had to half run to catch up to her.

“Hey Hey Hey… what’s the matter? You were doing very well.”

Kim continued walking fast with her eyes planted on the floor.

“I’m sorry sir.. I-”

“Please – “ he held her hand –

“Call me Jeffery.” He smiled reasurringly and placed his hand on her shoulder.

“Well Si- Mr.- I mean JEFFERY – I am usually a very shy person.” She slowed down a bit, taking her time now.

“Yes I see that, you are a very quite girl with a vivid imagination. You’re friends must envy your smarts”

Kim let out a large sigh and stopped again on the cart road.

“But that’s just it! I don’t have any friends!”

“I’m sure that’s not -”

“Yes it is! I am awkward and lonely! And people laugh at me once they find out what I like to do. Especially the boys. Whenever I tell one that I have a crush on them, they laugh and point and call me nerd girl or poor grate. I am just destined to be alone. Just like in the song yellowbird. ‘Yellow bird, up high in banana tree. Yellow bird, you sit all alone like me.’

Her eyes begin to tear up a bit and she begins to walk away again. Mr. Niles walks up to her and gives her a hug.

“Well I didn’t laugh at you did I.”

Kim shook her head embarrassed. She could smell his cologne in his shirt and what smelt like burnt sugar. She wondered what it could be, then she remembered she watched him eating a sugar cake today at lunch while he read his book. She was becoming very fond of Mr. Niles, he seemed like a very nice person and easy to talk to – and every good dancer. They pulled away for a bit and kept walking in silence for a couple of steps, they walked through different parts of the area, houses seemed to coming one every few meters now, till they were just seeing cane fields. The sunset had almost disappeared now and crickets were slowly coming out to sing.

“Uh, Kim?”

“Yes Mr. – sorry – Jeffery -”

“Where exactly do you live? We have been walking now for miles, it’s almost dark… are you sure that we are on the right road?”

“I think so, I don’t walk on this road a lot though, my dad usually comes for me anyways.”

“So you dad comes for you, and you don’t know how to get home? – Look, Kimberly -”

Suddenly, Kim looks around frantically,

“Wait! You hear that?!”

“No. What?”

“Jeffery! De heart man!”

“Oh come now, you don’t mean to tell me that you believe in that foolishment too! There is no heart man! I should know.”

Before he could finish, Kim grabbed Mr. Niles’ hand and began to run with him down the now darken road.

“Quick! Follow me please! I know a place where we would be safe!”

The two of then ran quickly down the cart road to an old shack, with the windows boarded up. There seemed to be an amber light coming from under the door.

“What’s that light there?” Mr. Niles asked. Kim paused at the door, and looked over her shoulder and beckoned him to follow her.

“Come.”

“NO! That’s breaking an entering!”

“Well I’m going! And if you were a gentleman, you would help me. Suppose de heart man in dey?!”

“So why de ass you gine in fuh?!”

“I thought you said there was no Heartman Jeffery”

“Well there isn’t! Well what I mean is-”

Before he could finish the argument Kim was already inside. Jeffery had to follow.

When he entered, there were candles in beakers, roses and lilies all over the room. A simple bed with white sheets and a pillow. There were little jars on a shelf with some sort of organs in them. He left the door and continued to walk around in the one room shack. He then heard a click of the door and turned around swiftly to see Kim with a wirily smile on her face.

“Kim?-”

“Before you start, let me talk first. It’s very important what I have to tell you. Now firstly, I live here, in this shack. Not with anyone just me. I don’t have any parents or relatives to keep me. I go to school up the road and then I come here, my haven ok? The things in those jars, are like my collections of things I have dissected.”

Mr. Niles looked on very confused and bewildered.

“What you mean dissected?”

“Well, I tend to play doctor on some domestic animals around the place. You know cut them open and try to find out, what – makes – them – tick…”

Kim then grabbed a pair of rubber gloves from the side of the table and gently put them on, and snapped the end on to her wrist. Mr. Niles now, very shaken is wondering what was happening to him with the school girl half his age.

“Look Kim – I don’t understand this at all – and quite frankly, I’m a lil concerned with how you carrying on. Please open the door so I can-”

“Leave?!”

She screamed the word loudly.

“No No No.. You can’t be like the rest Jeffery! Please don’t be like the rest.”

“What are you going on about now?”

“The rest of men in my life – I want you to stay here with me! We could talk for hours about any and everything, you don’t treat me like a freak. And if you come, I – I won’t be alone anymore…”

“I’ve had enough of this shyte girl! Open the blasted door!! You need some help Kim. Some serious help!”

“But – but I love you! I love you Jeffery!!”

“Mr. Niles to you.”

Kim opened her eyes wide! As if being filled with a terrifying rage. She grabbed a can of aerosol that was close to the gloves on the table and began spraying wildly in his direction. Mr. Niles immediately drops to the floor, squinting and trying focus properly.

“What you do to me?!”

“Making sure you stay Jeffery. You can stay here with me, forever. Instead of me watching from a distance.”

“Huh? What?!”

Mr. Niles head was positively out of it. His head was spinning so fast, even though he was sitting still.

You have no idea how much I love you do you?. I used to watch you every day at class how you used to teach. The way you ate, who you talked to. Then I followed you to UWI one day and snuck in a lecture you had about the Occult and I got hooked! You are so intelligent and gentleman like.”

Tears start to stream down her face as she goes for a craving knife on the shelf.

“Then the news of the stupid heart man came up and everyone saying it was you! I could not take it anymore I had to do something!”

Her gaze leaves Mr. Niles’ face and follows to the jars on the shelves.

“Oh good God, Kim – you didn’t!”

“I didn’t have a choice! I saw how they treated you day in and day out! They had no right! They teased me too, so I knew what it felt like!”

“But you don’t have to kill me too!”

“Do you love me?”

“What?!”

“Wrong answer! I’m sorry Jeffery, I really am… you seemed to be a nice guy, but I guess I was wrong.”

Mr. Niles tried to stand up but whatever she gave him had him good. He could neither stand or crawl and now he was having difficulty in talking. His speech began to slur.

“Aww don’t worry MR. NILES, that spray I gave you is filled with a combination of lethal poisons. Something else I learnt from reading shit! It will eventually paralyze.” Aww don’t worry MR. NILES you have nothing to worry about, not where you are going”

She bends over him one last time and gave him gentle kiss. She could see him half awake, half asleep on the floor – it was time. She took a glass jar from the shelf, and placed it next to Mr. Niles. She placed her small fingers around the knife and began to cut into Mr. Niles, like a Christmas ham, while humming the tune to Yellow Bird. Mr. Niles screamed softly in pain for a moment, then, all was silent. Kim took his heart and etched Kim loves Jeffery on the front and placed it in the jar on the table. She dragged the body outside and dug a grave. On top she placed all the flowers on top of it. When she was done she grabbed a very girly looking book from under the bed and turned to the last page she had written on, with the face of Henderson on it. She circled it and smiled wittily. She picked up her cell phone and called Henderson’s number. The phone rang a bit, until she heard his voice.

“Hello?”

“Hi Henderson?”

“Yes?”

“This is Kim, from school?”

“Oh.. and what do you want now??”

“Umm, messy but fine. Anyways...Umm would you mind walking me home tomorrow evening? I don't know anyone else who would in class and my dad won’t be able to pick me up, he will be busy at work all evening and he doesn’t want a helpless girl like me on the road by herself…”

THE END

The Heart Man

2009-09-27T17:25:00.000-07:00

Hunter and Humphrey Robinson are identical twin brothers. Hunter is a single unattached Mathematics Teacher, and Humphrey is a well known Doctor (Surgeon) who is married with three children (two girls and one boy). Humphrey the surgeon is the Heart Man, but his brother Hunter is accused as the Heart Man. The Heart Man killed many children. This is how it begun.

(Flashback) Humphrey Robinson is caught by the police outside Hunter's home with a bloody knife in his hand over two injured children. Humphrey is handcuffed and pushed into the polices' vehicle.

Hunter Robinson is teaching Mathematics at Lodge Secondary School. Hunter: "Does anyone knows the solution to this problem? Ahh! Yes Chris." Chris: "Is it x square - 2 square?" Hunter: (With a smile on his face)"Chris, that isn't it. More lessons for you. Anyone else? Ahh! (Saying slowly) Tito." Tito: "2 square + x square." Hunter: "Ok, you too should come to lessons. (He waits patiently) Ok....lessons for all of you after school." The children sigh in regret. Chris and Tito look at each other with a sporty smile on their faces. Hunter looks at the students and smile.

In the meantime, Humphrey Robinson is at the hospital taking care of his patients. He is in the room monitoring his patient, Susan McCastie's heart. She recently had bypass surgery. He is interrupted with a sudden call from his wife. Michelle Robinson: "Honey can you pick up the children from school this afternoon? I am very busy at work and I don't think I am going to leave the lawyer firm early today." Humphrey: "I have patients to attend to sweet heart. (sigh. Looks at watch) Ok! I'll pick them up." Michelle Robinson: "Thanks! (Says it slowly) Love you honey." Humphrey: "Love you too, dear." Humphrey tells the nurses he is leaving early today. "Any emergencies, you know what to do." Nurse Pace: "Ok doctor."

Humphrey goes and pick up his three children. While picking up his son, Ramiah Robinson, he ran into his brother Hunter who was rushing to go and start lessons. Humphrey: "Hi lil bro." Hunter: "Wait, what are you doing here?" Humphrey: "Hunter I have a son that goes here." Hunter: "I didn't mean it like that. I know you do, but usually your wife Michelle comes and pick him up. I know you are usually busy, so I was just surprised that's all. Anyhow, I have lessons to get to." Humphrey: "Lessons? What! You can't do the job right during school hours?" Hunter: "No that's not it at all. Some students just need the extra classes to help them along." Humphrey: "Yeah, right! So you usually have lessons all week?" Hunter: "No only on Mondays and Wednesdays, and on Saturdays at my home to those who desire to come." Humphrey: "Wow! That's good man." Hunter: "Anyhow, I have to go." Humphrey: "Yeah me too. I have to get these children home, so you take care." Hunter: "Yeah, you too."

Late that evening one of Hunter's students were killed while walking home through the cane fields from school. His name was Dwayne Husbands. Someone killed him, took out his heart and left him lying there. No one didn't know he was killed. They only knew he appeared missing. Hunter was questioned by the principal as to what happened when his student left school. Principal Alleyne: "Hunter are you sure that every one of these students left before you left?" Hunter: "Yes and I did not see or hear anything strange. I waited until everyone left before I left." Principal: "Ok, that is what I will tell his mother then." Two days later while the school children were playing they smell this terrible smell coming from the nearby cane fields. They approached the cane fields to find a body lying there. The police was called in to investigate the scene. They identified the dead body as Dwayne Husbands who was missing days earlier. His decayed heart was unattached from his body, and rested on top of his chest. The news of this shocked Hunter and he was there and then investigated by the police. Lieutenant Barry: "Hunter are you sure you do not know what happened to this boy." Hunter: "No. We had lessons as usual and I left when everyone had left. This never happened. This school is always safe. It is well guarded. I don't know how he died...well I mean, how he could have been killed here." Lieutenant: "Ok Hunter, we will stay in touch."

Police report went out that Dwayne Husbands, the missing boy from the Lodge school appeared dead and his decayed heart was rested on his chest. Humphrey hearing this news at the hospital acted concern in the presence of his work colleagues. Nurse Pace: "Doctor Robinson, isn't that the school your brother teaches at?" Humphrey: "Yes it is. I have to give him a call and see if he is alright." The phone rings in the staffroom. Hunter answers it. Humphrey: "Lil bro. Are you ok? I heard the news. You've got to be terrified." Hunter: "Yes I am. He was one of my students. You were here earlier. Did you see anything suspicious? I mean you wouldn't know the usual atmosphere around here, but did anything look odd." Humphrey: "No Hunter. I am sorry I cannot help you." Hunter: "That's ok. The school would never be the same. Later Humphrey!"

The evening that same day, Hunter stayed back to plan his lessons for the next evening. After completing that process, and about to enter his vehicle, he realised Tony Boyce, a student from the school was still there waiting for his ride to come for him. Hunter responded to him, "Is someone coming for you?" Tony: "Yes sir! My mum is coming for me." Hunter: "Are you sure? It is getting really late. What is your mum's number?" Tony tells Hunter his mum's number and Hunter asked him for his mother's name. Hunter: "Good evening. This is Hunter from the Lodge school. I am calling about your son. Are you still coming for him because it is really getting late. The guard is soon going to leave here and he would be the only one left here. Harriet Boyce: "Oh dear. I am really busy here." Hunter: "Can't his dad come and pick him up?" Harriet: "No actually. He has a late night shift." Hunter: "Ok! Where is your job located?" Harriet gives Hunter the name of her workplace and the address. Hunter tells her he will drop off her son. She welcomes the idea gladly, and responded, "thank you." The security guard Kevin, saw when the little boy went into Hunter's vehicle. Hunter nodded at the Guard Kevin letting him know he was leaving. Kevin nodded back at him saying, "Ok Teach!" Hunter dropped off Tony in front his mum's workplace. Tony never reached the building. He was grabbed before entering the building. Tony was found dead behind the parking lot soon after. Word got back to Tony's mum who lost track of the time because of work, that her son was murdered. The police was obviously called in and Hunter was also called by the police. He receive a call from the Sergeant Larry asking him to make his way down to the station for questioning. Hunter thought it was because of the investigations taken place that morning. When Hunter arrived, Sergeant Larry and Lieutenant Barry escorted him into a room. Hunter did not know what was going on. He willingly went to hear more disturbing news. Sergeant Larry: "Do you know why you were asked to come in?" Hunter: "Yeah I do." Sergeant Larry: "You do?" Hunter: "You guys called me in to ask me further questions on the Dwayne Husbands, who was found outside the Lodge school. Lieutenant you told me we will keep in touch." Lieutenant Barry: "Well, that crime still needs to be investigated, but we called you here because we know that you dropped off Tony to his mother's workplace. Hunter: "Yes I did. I asked her and she said to bring him. Sergeant Larry: "Only thing is you dropped him off dead." Hunter: "Huh? That boy was alive when I took him there. I watched him as he walked up the stairs. I drove off and went home. I did no such thing. Are you guys sure about this? Lieutenant Barry: "We are Lieutenant and Sergeant to you." Hunter: (Looks confused) "I did not kill that boy." Sergeant Larry: "Just like how you said you didn't kill the other one. You were the last person with that child. The guard saw you leaved with him. You got to be sick! People saw you and you still kill the boy. A mother is greaving because of you. Do you have children Hunter?" Hunter: "No I don't. Well not my own that is." Lieutenant Barry: "So in other words, you wouldn't know what it is like to loose a child of your own." Hunter just sits there and listens. Hunter: "I did not do any of this and you guys cannot keep me here against my will with no prove. Ask yourselves the question, why would I kill a child when everyone saw him leave with me? I protect my children, not put them in harms way." The police officers allows Hunter to leave.

That night, Hunter's twin brother Humphrey calls him. Humphrey: "I heard what happened. Are you ok?" Hunter: "I am fine. I have to go. I am talking to mummy on the other line." Humphrey: "Ok. Tell her I say good night." Humphrey frowns as he removes the phone from his ear to put it down. Hunter: "That was Humphrey. He told you good night." Mummy Robinson: " Ok. Hunter this does not look good. Whoever is doing these killings are setting you up big time, and there are doing a good job at it." Hunter: "I don't know what to do mummy. I look so guilty to everyone. I cannot face my students tomorrow. Everyone probably suspects that I am the killer. How did this happened mummy? Two innocent lives are gone. I know I did not kill anybody, but no one believes me." Mummy Robinson: "I believe you son. I know I did not raise a criminal. It isn't who you are, and it isn't in your nature to kill." Hunter: "Thanks mum! I really needed to hear that. I think I will call in sick and rest myself tomorrow." Mummy Robinson: "I don't think that you should, but if you need to, well do it. I'll check in on you tomorrow." Hunter: "Yeah do that."

The next day Hunter reported sick. Everyone got suspicious of Hunter. The principal of the school even, but even though he was suspicious, he still thought that Hunter couldn't have done it. Hunter's lawyer, Stephen, called him after hearing the news on the radio and television that Hunter is a suspect on the murders of the two boys. The name they give him was the Heart Man because the second boy who was murdered, had his heart taken out as well. The phone rings. Hunter hesitantly answers the phone. Hunter: "Hello!" Stephen: "Hunter, this is Stephen. I am not even going to ask how you are doing. I heard eveything. Why didn't you call me." Hunter: "I didn't see the need to call. I am not guilty and I just need to prove my innocence." Stephen: "Hunter this is no joke. You can get life in prison or death for this." Hunter: "Who is joking. You think I don't know the seriousness of this. I was doing well; educating students, now I am the number one suspect. The real killer is out there probably looking to kill again." Humphrey knew that Hunter was not at work that day, so he waited a great distance from the school until late that same day to strike again. His children were already home. Their mother, Humphrey's wife had already picked them up and taken them home. Humphrey's wife Michelle, thought Humphrey was still working at the hospital. Humphrey tried to kill again. As he grabbed the young fearful lad, Sheldon Norris, he elbow Humphrey's lower body and he pulled himself away. He saw the person who grabbed him and reported the incident to his mother Shirley Norris, who then reported it to the police. Lieutenant Barry and Sergeant Larry rushed to Hunter's home. On they arrival, Hunter was caught taking out the garbage. Lieutenant Barry and Sergeant Larry rushed to Hunter with handcuffs. Sergeant Larry: "You are under arrest. Anything you say can be used against you in the court of law. You are eligible for an attorney..." Hunter not knowing what was going on, shockingly enters the police vehicle. Police report came through that Hunter is the Heart Man. He attacked a young lad and he was not successful. The victim got a look at his attacker and saw it was his teacher, Hunter. Humphrey is home by this time and his wife Michelle is left in shock. She responds to Humphrey: "What is going on in your brother's head? How could he attack his students and kill them. My god Humphrey. That could have been our son he attacked. He goes to the damn school for goodness sake. Humphrey, what am I going to tell our children now. How can I prevent them from hearing that their uncle is a killer. Their teacher say the least. Have you called your mother?" Humphrey: "No I haven't." Michelle: "Well what are you waiting for? She is probably petrified. Her son a killer. Thank God he wasn't successful this time. Humphrey, for someone whose twin brother is the Heart Man, you don't seem shocked." Humphrey stares at her. He calls his mother. Humphrey: "Mum, did you hear the news? Hunter is the Heart Man. I would have never thought..." (Quickly interrupts) Mummy Robinson: "You would have never thought what? Your brother is innocent. He would have never do this. Why would he have waited all these years to kill his students. Someone is setting him up. I know my son. He is not a killer; furthermore, he knows nothing about removing peoples' hearts from their bodies. This killer is someone that have years of doing things like this. To say the least, a doctor..." Humphrey puts down the phone in his mother's ears.

Hunter waited in the questioning room for his lawyer Stephen to appear. Hunter: "This is terrible. I am being pinned with murders and attempted murders that I know nothing about. The young boy said he saw me. Either someone is looking and dressing like me, or I don't even want to think it, my twin brother is framing me." Stephen: "Why would he frame you? Aren't you all twins. Hmmm... All I know, this doesn't look good, so you will have to come up with something fast." Hunter: "Apart from the boy seeing me, do the police have anything to charge me with?" Stephen: "No actually." Hunter: "So I can go, right?" Stephen: "Well we have to get bail for you first. It is coming in from the judge. They don't usually do these documents so late, but I pleaded and begged on your behalf." Hunter: "Great, so I will just have to wait then." Hunter finally comes out on bail the next morning. He returns home to find Humphrey in his home. Hunter: "What are you doing here Humphrey? How did you get in?" Humphrey pulls out the butcher knife from behind him. Hunter is scared right about now. Hunter: (Saying it slowly) "What are you doing? Why do you have that knife in your hand?" Humphrey: "Shut up! Just shut up! You always had to be good." Hunter: "What! I am good. You are the surgeon for goodness sake. Everyone looks up to you. You have a wife and children for goodness sake." Humphrey: "Shut up! Leave my wife and kids out of this." Hunter presses the last call button on his cellular phone in his pocket. It so happens that the last call was made to his lawyer Stephen. Stephen listens to the conversation and calls the police in the meantime.

Humphrey: "You always had to have mummy's love and attention."
Hunter: "What are you talking about? We are twins Humphrey. Mummy loves you and I equally."
Humphrey: "No she doesn't. She always believed in you. Up to yesterday, she told me you would never kill a fella. All the evidence are staring you right in the face. You are guilty. Well actually I am, but we look so much alike that no one would never suspect me. I am a doctor, and what are you, a teacher?"
Hunter: "Humphrey you were the one who killed those two boys? (Hesitantly) Why? Why did you do it? Why them? What would have possessed you? You were the one who killed those children and you want me to be ok with it? I can't. Those boys looked up to me and you got rid of them. I don't believe what I am hearing. People will never trust their children around me, or even let their children near me again. You have stained and tarnished my reputation. Those mothers are grieving for their children. What if someone had kill your children? Your son? Your wife Humphrey. Your family. How could you do this to them? You are a doctor for heaven sake."
Humphrey: "Don't talk to me about being a doctor. I am a human being as well. I did everything that was ever good. I studied and I became a doctor just to get mummy's attention, and she never gave it to me. Even now that we are grown men, she always gives you her full attention. I never had that. Do you know what it feels like to be compared to you. I am brighter, smarter, intelliegent, knowledgeable than you are. I think our jobs speak for themselves, but still I am not good enough. Well, I am tired trying. I give up a long time ago. I decided I needed to get you out of the picture if I could ever be truly happy. I realised now that it wasn't killing those children. I should have kill you instead, along time ago because even in jail, you will still have mummy's love and compassion. She believes in you more so than she believes in me. I have to kill you and get you out of the picture."
In the meantime, Chris and Tito came to Hunter's home. They knocked on the door. Humphrey jumps when hearing their knocking. Hunter realises it is his students. He fearfully looks at Humphrey. Hunter tries to shout to the children to stay away, but Humphrey rushed at him and stabs him in the chest with the butcher knife. Hunter drops to the floor. Humphrey quickly opens the door and rushed outside to the children. Chris stumbles off the step, and Tito was stabbed in his right foot with the knife. The police arrive as Humphrey has the bloody butcher knife in his right hand. They arrested him and the ambulance quickly came for the three injured bodies. Stephen rushed inside to rescue his friend Hunter who was loosing blood rapidly.

Police report went out that Hunter's identical twin brother Humphrey, was the killer all along. He is the Heart Man. Humphrey's wife was in shock, even so his mother. While Humphrey's wife rushed to the police station in shocked, Mummy Robinson rushed to the hospital with sadness. Chris Marville's parents, Patrick and Sophia Marville, and Tito Mosquito's parents, Terek and Deborah Mosquito, came down to the hospital as well.

Three months later, Hunter was on bed rest, Chris was recovering, Tito was getting better, and Humphrey was charged with life in prison.

Pointers In The Heart Man Story

2009-09-27T17:22:00.000-07:00

Beginning:
1) Flashback of the ending of the story
2) Humphrey handcuffed by police
3) Humphrey pushed into police vehicle
4) Hunter teaching Mathematics in classroom
5) Hunter asks students mathematical question
6) Chris Marville and Tito Mosquito respond incorrectly
7) Humphrey is seen monitoring patient's heart
8) Michelle calls Humphrey
9) Humphrey alludes to Nurse Pace of his early leaving
10) Nurse Pace okays it
11) Humphrey picks up his son from the Lodge school
12) Humphrey shouts brother
13) Hunter and Humphrey converse
14) Hunter acknowledges his leaving
15) Humphrey leaves and takes home the children

Middle:
16) Hunter is informed that one of his students is missing
17) Hunter's principal questions him on the missing boy
18) Students found the missing boy's body- dead
19) Hunter is questioned by the police
20) Police report goes out on Dwayne Husbands' dead body
21) Humphrey hears the news
22) Nurse Pace asks Doctor Humphrey questions
23) Hunter receives a call from concerned Humphrey
24) Hunter and Humphrey converse
25) Hunter stays back at school to plan lessons for the next day
26) Hunter sees Tony Boyce waiting for parents
27) Hunter calls Tony's mother, Harriet Boyce
28) Hunter converse with Tony's mother
29) Hunter nods at Guard Kevin
30) Guard Kevin nods back
31) Hunter drives off and drops off Tony by his mother's workplace
32) Tony is grabbed and murdered
33) Tony's body is found
34) Tony's mother is contacted
35) Police is called in
36) Hunter is called in to police station
37) Hunter leaves the police station after questioning
38) Hunter's brother calls him
39) Hunter calls his mother
40) Hunter reports sick for work
41) Stephen calls Hunter
42) Humphrey's children are already home
43) Humphrey strikes again
44) Young lad, Sheldon Norris, sees Humphrey's (Hunter) face
45) Young lad tells his mother
46) Young lad's mother, Shirley Norris calls police
47) Police makes an arrest
48) Humphrey's wife overreacts
49) Humphrey calls his mother
50) Humphrey puts down the phone in mother's ear
51) Hunter's lawyer questions him
52) Hunter patiently awaits bail
53) Hunter returns home

End:
54) Hunter finds Humphrey in his house
55) Humphrey pulls from behind him a butcher knife
56) Hunter becomes scared
57) Hunter press last dial on cellular phone
58) Hunter calls Stephen on the last dial
59) Stephen calls police and goes with them
60) Hunter and Humphrey converse
61) Humphrey jumps at Tito and Chris' shout
62) Hunter hears Chris and Tito outside front door
63) Hunter tries to shout to students
64) Humphrey rushes to Hunter and stabs him with the butcher knife
65) Humphrey rushes to children
66) Chris stumbles off step
67) Tito is stabbed in the foot
68) Police arrives and finds Humphrey with knife in right hand
69) Humphrey is arrested
70) Ambulance arrived
71) Stephen rescues Hunter from inside his house
72) Police report goes out
73) Michelle pays Humphrey a visit in jail
74) Mummy Robinson visits son Hunter in the hospital
75) Chris' parents (Patrick Marville & Sophia Marville) and Tito's parents (Terek Mosquito & Deborah Mosquito) go to the hospital
76) Humphrey is charged with life in prison

Characters In The Heart Man Story

2009-09-27T17:19:00.000-07:00

1) Hunter Robinson: (Central Character)
Hunter Robinson has an identical twin brother. He is a single unattached Mathematics Teacher at the Lodge School. He is easy going and his students love him. He gives lessons free to all his students. Mr. Robinson cares about his students' education. He is the younger between him and Humphrey.

Hunter Robinson goes out of his way to help others even if it means putting his own life at risk. He is honest and sometimes can take situations pertaining to him for granted. He is envied by his twin brother Humphrey.

2) Humphrey Robinson: (Secondary Character)
Humphrey Robinson is the identical twin brother to Hunter. He is the oldest out of the two. Humphrey is a well known doctor (surgeon) who is married to the most beautiful woman in the world. He has three children from his wife (two girls and one boy); the boy is the oldest. He works at the Queen Elizabeth Hospital.

Humphrey, even though well respected and having it all, has a weekness. He lacks self-esteem that no one is aware of, including his wife. His mum loves him just the same as his brother Hunter, but he differs those feelings. He always believes and feels he has to prove himself to his family; especially, to his mother. He becomes a doctor solely to gain his mother's attention. He always felt he may have her love, but he never had her attention. In the midst of all this, Humphrey becomes jealous over his twin brother Hunter because of the attention he gets. Humphrey begins to kill Hunter students, but no one suspects him of this. Humphrey is the Heart Man.

3) Mummy Robinson: (Tertiary Character)
Mummy Robinson is a 55 year old mother to two boys who are a twin. She is the mother of Hunter and Humphrey Robinson. She loves both her sons equally and she is a single mother, a widow to say the least. She believes in her family, and she believes in her sons. She defends them to anyone when they need defending.

Mummy Robinson is a simple woman that tells everyone about her family and her sons. She talks about them all the time. She is a proud woman who takes pride in herself. She is proud of her family and proud of her sons achievements. She did everything humanly possible to send to school her children so that they could accomplish more than she did.

4) Michelle Robinson: (Tertiary Character)
Michelle Robinson is the wife of Humphrey Robinson. She is a lawyer and she bore three children for Humphrey her husband. She becomes Hunter's lawyer when he is accused of being the Heart Man. She respects the Robinsons' family and she loves her marriage, children and family. She is a well respectable woman in society, and a very good lawyer.

5) Lieutenant Barry: (Supporting Character)
Lieutenant Barry is well respected and is a wise decision maker. He is married with five children. He closely deals with the case of the Heart Man.

6) Sergeant Larry: (Supporting Character)
Sergeant Larry is also well respected. He is a divorcee and has two children. He works closely with Lieutenant Barry on the Heart Man case.

7) Chris Marville: (Supporting Character)
Chris Marville is 13 years old. He is a second form Lodge school student. He is a spirited boy. He is a good friend to Tito. He is one of Hunter's Mathematics students. He loves Hunter to death.

8) Tito Mosquito: (Supporting Character)
Tito Mosquito is also 13 years old. He is also a second form Lodge school student. He is bubbly with split personalities. He loves Chris like a brother. He is cowardly at times. He too is one of Hunter's Mathematics students. He too loves Hunter to death.

9) Ramiah Robinson: (Extra Character)
Ramiah Robinson is the son of Humphrey and Michelle Robinson. He is 13 years old. He is a student of the Lodge school. Unfortunately, Hunter is not his Mathematics teacher, but he also is in second form.

10) Samantha Robinson: (Extra Character)
Samantha Robinson is the daughter of Humphrey and Michelle Robinson. She is 11 years old. She is a student of the Cuthbert Moore Primary School. She is preparing for the Primary School Common Entrance.

11) Luanna Robinson: (Extra Character)
Luanna Robinson is also the daughter of Humphrey and Michelle Robinson. She is 6 years old. She goes to school at the Cuthbert Moore Primary School. She is adorable and is a chatter.

12) Nurse Pace: (Extra Character)
Nurse Pace works at the Queen Elizabeth Hospital with Dr. Humphrey.

13) Patrick Marville: (Extra Character)
Patrick Marville is the father of Chris Marville.

14) Sophia Marville: (Extra Character)
Sophia Marville is the mother of Chris Marville.

15) Terek Mosquito: (Extra Character)
Terek Mosquito is the father of Tito Mosquito.

16) Deborah Mosquito: (Extra Character)
Deborah Mosquito is the mother of Tito Mosquito.

17) Dwayne Husbands: (Extra Character)
Dwayne Husbands is 13 years old. He is a second form student at the Lodge school. He is one of Hunter's mathematics students. He is shy and quiet. He is the first student to be killed by the Heart Man.

18) Principal Alleyne: (Extra Character)
Principal Alleyne is a principal at the Lodge school.

19) Guard Kevin: (Extra Character)
Guard Kevin is a security guard at the Lodge school.

20) Tony Boyce: (Extra Character)
Tony Boyce is Harriet's son. He is a student at the Lodge school. He is 14 years old. He is in third form. He is aggressive at times, but is very helpful.

21) Harriet Boyce: (Extra Character)
Harriet Boyce is Tony's mother. She is a hard worker. She works as a Community Officer in Warrens.

22) Officer Warden: (Extra Character)
Officer Warden is a policeman. He is good at his job. He went to the bathroom when Tony was killed. He finds Tony's dead body behind the parking lot. He reports the death to the police and to Tony's mother.

23) Susan McCastie: (Extra Character)
Susan McCastie is a recovering heart bypass patient at the Queen Elizabeth Hospital (QEH).

24) Sheldon Norris: (Extra Character)
Sheldon Norris is a student at the Lodge school. He is Shirley Norris' son. He is 15 years old. He is in fourth form. He was attacked by Humphrey, and he managed to get away. He sees his face. He runs home and tells his mother about the attack.

25) Shirley Norris: (Extra Character)
Shirley Norris is Sheldon Norris' mother. She calls the police after her son, Sheldon complains to her about the attack.

26) Group of Students: (Supporting Characters)
The Lodge school students who saw Dwayne Husbands' dead body lying in the cane fields.

27) Mathematics Students: (Supporting Characters)
The students in Hunter's mathematics class.

Marissa's Mess - Character Outlines

2009-09-24T06:40:00.000-07:00

Central Character - Marissa Yearwood : marissa is a Beautiful seventeen year old black female. She is a sheltered and somewhat naive girl who is usually obedient to her overprotective parents even though she may not quite agree with all their strict rules.

Secondary Characters -

David Young (Marissa's Love interest) -David is a handsome black eighteen year old boy. He lives with his parents who have a relaxed lifestyle allowing him to pretty much do as he pleases. He is accustomed to getting his way and dosent like it when things go differently. Through his parents high social status he can afford to feed his carefree sometimes wild lifestyle.

Maurice Reid (Cab Driver) Maurice is 57 year old mixed race (black and indian) male. He is short and overweight. He has driven taxis all his life. From a humble background Maurice is a hard and dedicated worker but he also has a very bad memory. His memory loss causes him to forget essential things such as dental appointments resulting in his loss of teeth and to put gas in his taxi.

Trent Bascombe ( Robber 1) Trent is a 27 year old black male who is a time bomb waiting to explode. Raised in one of the poorer, more violent areas of Barbados, Trent has adopted a dangerous lifestyle of stealing and selling drugs. He has a voilent temper and feeds on the weak minded, which include his little brother Jake.

Jake Bascombe (Robber 2) Jake is a 24 year old black male who, like his brother Trent, grew up on the wrong side of town. But as similarities goes that is as much as they have in common. Jake is truly a kindhearted and quiet person but he as one major weakness and that is he craves the love of his older brother Jake and would do anything he askes even though it may not always be right.

Erskine Yearwood (Marissa's Dad) Erskine is a fifty-two year old black male. He grew up in a strict family setting, with specific beliefs especially about race and class and certain values and is determined to run his household the same way.His has his wife and child under strict instruction and expects that his decisions should never be questioned.

Patrice Yearwood (marissa's mother) Patrice is a 47 year old black woman, She loves her husband very much and tries her best to please him. Although this is the case She does not always agree with his iron fist rules , especially when it comes to their daughter Marissa. Stuck between the two Patrice always sides with her husband who she is kinda afraid of but is always there to comfort her daughter when needed.

Oficer Robert Morgan (police Officer) Officer Morgan is a thirty-eight year old black man who has been in the police force for ten years. This lengthy experience has given him the hindsight to deal with situations as they present themselves to him. A father of two daughters, he is a caring and compassionate man who is always willing to help those in need

Jenny Batson - Marissa's only friend in school. She is seventeen years old and is quite freespirited. She is a confidant to Marissa and a good friend.

Tertiary Characters
2 Female Gas Station Attendant
Cops
Tv Anchorwoman

Plot Points

2009-09-23T20:59:00.000-07:00

These are the plot points from our fictional story that we (Alicia and I) have been working on during the past week.

School bell rang at Wilson's Secondary School
Marissa is sitting at table observing the tallest of four boys.
It is the end of school and Marissa is waiting at the gate for her father.
David sneaks up behind her to ask her out
Marissa says yes and is intrerupted by her father
Her father addresses her about David while they are in the car
On the other side of town, Trent informs his brother Jake of his plan to rob a gas station.
Marissa waits until her parents leave to dress for David
Marissa gets ready and David arrives.
Marissa leaves her house with her boyfriend David to go to a nightclub
She arrives at the club and parties with David
Time passes and she realises that it is late and she needs to get home before her parents
After frustratingly trying to reach David, she asks him to take her home
During the discussion, an argument arises and David tells her that she should take a taxi
Marissa furiously storms out of the club and hails the next taxi driving down the street
Marissa gets a taxi and the driver signals that he is running out of gas
They stop at a nearby gas station
The taxi driver leaves the car to pay for his gas and suddenly robbers appear from nowhere
The robbers robbed the gas station and are looking for a getaway vehicle
Police sirens are heard and in a desperate attempt they seize the taxi
Marissa tries desperately to get out of the car but she is restrained
The robbers screech out of the gas station with Marissa held hostage
The police are swiftly on the robbers tail and they are involved in a high speed chase
While taken hostage Marissa ponders on what her parents told her
The robbers desperately tries to get away from the police and the vehicle suddenly slows
Realising that the gas light is flashing they become furious and edgy
The robbers realise that it is only a matter of time before the police catch them.
They pull the car to the curb
Marissa is held at gunpoint by one of the robbers outside of the taxi.
The police pull over and caution the robbers not to harm Marissa
The robber holding Marissa is wounded on his right arm by a bullet
The robbers are apprehended and Marissa is taken to give her statement
News crews arrive on the scene
Eventually Marissa is taken home safely by one of the police officers
She rushes to change her clothes because she just made it in before her parents
Her parents arrive home and Marissa pretends to be sleeping in her bed
Her parents say goodnight and continues her false sleeping
While preparing for bed her father turns on the television and views a news report of the incident that Marissa was inviolved in.
Her father is furious and shouts Marissa's name
Marissa thought she got away with it but now is in her father's court of law

Characters Background

2009-09-23T07:25:00.000-07:00

1) Hunter Robinson (Central Character)

2) David Broomes (Secondary Character)

3) Tiger Broomes (Secondary Character)

4) Oscar Wilde (Secondary Character)

5) Shelia Broomes (Tertiary Character)

1) Hunter Robinson (Central Character)
Is the Heart Man and he is accustom to killing children. Robinson is a middle age man. He is 55 years old. Robinson was a teacher, who appeared nice and he loved children. However in his past time, he used to study other demonic cults, which dealt with human sacrifices to a god that no one knew of. He held lessons after school at his house and gain the trust of the children as well as their parents. One evening after school a child supposedly had lessons at his house (Shelia's daughter). She went missing and everyone accused him of her death. Eventually Mr. Robinson was forced out of the village.

2) David Broomes (Secondary Character)
A young 11 year old black boy who has a twin name Tiger. They both come from low economic backgrounds. David is kind, intelligent and tries to help his friend, but is easily led astray and is called soft boy. He is slim, tall and his hair is curly. He is good at spelling.

3) Tiger Broomes (Secondary Character)
Tiger is David's twin brother. Is rambunctious and likes to have his own way. He enjoys eating sweets which causes him to be heavier in size compared to his twin, David.

4) Oscar Wilde (Secondary Character)
Oscar is the same age as David and Tiger and they all go to school together. However, Oscar is a bit closer to Tiger because David is classified as a "goody two shoes". He is near sighted, wears glasses and enjoys being apart of the crowd.

5) Shelia Broomes (Tertiary Character)
She is Tiger and David's mother. She is 35 years old. She is a thick and curvy woman. She is very strict because of the death of her daughter. She is a single parent. She is a Care Taker. She is an over protective mother.

The Heart Man

2009-09-23T06:23:00.000-07:00

1. There was a little boy, who was 11 years old, called David.

2. He had two troublesome friends named Oscar and Tiger.

3. On evenings they used to play in the canefields after school.

4. Outside the canefields, there was a stand pipe.

5. The boys usually come home whenever they felt like.

6. David's mother told him about the heart man.

7. David is scared, but still continues to go in the cane fields after school.

8. One evening David got his new school shoes muddy.

9. He goes to wash his feet at the stand pipe.

10. A strange man comes talking to boys and acts concerned.

11. He eludes them to go by him so they can wash their feet.

12. David refuses to go and says he going back home.

13. David turns back, because his friends has books.

14. He catches the man trying to hurt his friends.

15. He tries to run back home to tell the villagers what had happened.

16. No one believed him.

17. The man escapes and the man is never found.

Elements to start a story:

2009-09-23T06:09:00.000-07:00

1.) Character - Realistic, Backstory, Appearance, Personality, Age, Language, Cultural
2.) Time - Beginning, Middle and End
3.) Plot - Plot Points
4.) Organisation
5.) Why is the story being told
6.) Central character's motivation
7.) Location/setting
8.) Conflict (main character)
9.) Theme (s)

Marisa's Mess revised

2009-09-23T03:57:00.000-07:00

RIIIIIIIIIIInGGGGGGG! the bell signalling the end of lunch rang loudly through the hallways of St. Wilson's Secondary school. At the popular table in the lunch room, a group of boys started gathering their stuff while continuing their conversation. Two tables away Marissa Yearwood sat, pretending to read a history book, but really observing the taller of the four boys. She felt ridiculous but she couldnt help herself, she was so in love with David that it hurt, but she knew he would never go for a girl like her. His tall dark frame turned in her direction for a moment and Marissa sank lower in her chair so as not to get caught. For a second those gorgeous brown eyes met hers and then it was over, he was gone. Marissa sighed, grabbed her bag and headed for her next class.

After school, Marissa waited by the gate for her dad, watching enviously as the other kids piled the school bus. Her friend Jenny runs up beside her. " Hey girl what you up to? I thought you gone home by now." "Nah Jen waiting on my dad as usual girl, arent you supposed to be on that bus? Marissa motioned with her head toward the bus. "Girl you see the way them pushing, I does wait till them calm down, then I get on, you lucky that you does get a ride home." Marissa laughed " I lucky?, no girl you is de lucky one, I wish that just once I could catch de bus and experience some of those stories you does tell me bout, but my father so anal bout everything, he would never let me." "Dont worry bout it girl trust me when I tell you that you aint missing nuting." Jenny replied as she started toward the bus." Anyhow girl catch ya later." she ran towards the almost packed bus. Marissa watching her sighed loudly, unaware of the person who had walked up behind her.She made a loud gasp and dropped her books when a hand unexpectedly touched her shoulder. " I'm sorry, I didnt mean to scare you. Let me help you with that!' David said as he bent to help Marissa, who was already on the floor picking up her books. Marissa looked up as he bent to help and their eyes met. She blushed " I really didnt mean to scare yoou Marissa, I just wanted to ask you something" Her heart melted, he knew her name she couldn't believe it. " you want to talk to me?" She asked, a little more shocked than she intended to sound. David chuckled " Don't sound so surprised. I wanted to know if I could borrow your history notes from class yesterday?" "Oh." Marrissa replied as her heart sank. "Sure, I can bring them for you on Monday." "Thanks but that wont do." David said shaking his head in disagreement" Marissa was confused. David smiled " It would spoil my plans." "Plans?" Marissa replied definitely confused. " Yeah, you see I was planning on picking them up on saturday, when I pick you up for our date." "Daaate? Arre you asking me out? Me?" Marissa knew she sounded like an idiot but she couldn't help herself "Yeesss I amm" David replied mocking her obvious nervious stutter. " Well are you turning me down? He was still smiling as if he knew he was asking a stupid question. "No! um no" "I would love to " She replied with a silly grin. "good Saturday then I can".... BeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeP!!! A loud horn interupted his final words as her Dad sat impatiently in the car signaling her to come. "I gotta go um bye" The words stumbled out of her mouth as she hurried to get into the car.

"Who was that boy Marissa? I hope you are not disobeying my rules?" Her fathers voice was stern but quiet, the way it always gets when he was annoyed. " Dad, come on, he is just a boy from school thats all, I am not disobeying anything." Marissa was really getting tired of all these rules. " Don't give me lip girl, I saw you talking to that boy and you know how I feel about you and boys and you choose to disobey me and out hey smiling up at a boy." He was getting angry now and Marissa knew it but she really didn't care. "Daddy I wasn't smiling up at nobody, David only ask me about notes, besides he is a nice guy so what is the problem?" "Marissa you know full well I tell you to stay away from wild boys, them aint nutin but trouble and further more you know that I am against you having any boyfriend, you too young." he was very aggitated "Daddy why you have such a problem wid me and boys, I was only talking bout school work so what wrong wid that, besides I am seventeen and all my friends got boyfriends!" Girl shut your mouth with that rude talk! Young people should know their place! Seventeen aint no age for no boyfriend, you dont need nutin but to pass you school work! Frankly I dont want to hear anything more about any of this, what I say goes, no boys and that is final!." He was livid and Marissa knew she could push him no further. Her dad was just too set in his ways, she was seventeen years old, she could take care of herself. Her dad was just stubborn but Marissa wasnt going to let him spoil things for her, not this time. David had finally asked her out and she was going, . She sat in the back of the car smiling to herself all the way home.

Her mom was in the kitchen when they reached home. Marissa entered first followed by her dad who was still obviously upset. "Hi mom" she said " Hi dear" Her mom replied. She glanced over at her husband "Something wrong honey? "hmm! Your daughter has decided that she is woman, I go to pick her up and she is openly chatting and smiling up wid some boy and then giving me lip on top of all that." He said annoyed. Patrice sighed at her husband, she felt that he could lighten up sometimes but she dare not say it. " I am going to my room." Marissa announced not wanting to hear her fathers rantings. "Go ahead honey, your dad and I will talk." Marissa didnt need to be told twice she ran up the stairs, into her room and closed the door. Despite the door being closed she could still hear her father reanting on to her mother, she rolls her eyes and grabs the phone from her bedside dialling Jenny.

Jenny answers her phone. "Yelllloooooow ooh?" Marissa couldnt wait to start talking." Gilr guess who talk to me when you left, guess girl" she was gigling foolishly "Ok um Bill Cosby." She laughed "Jenny!" Marissa stupes' " Girl you wont believe it but David walk up to me girl and ask me out, girl i got a date wid David tomorrow!"She was so excited she had to try to contain herself . She looks back to makesure no one had heard her." David! wow girl nice but wait marissa you father letting you go on a date? how you get that one work out? "Well what you dont know wont hurt you Jenny, he and my mother going to some dinner and show tomorrow so it is perfect, I will be out and back before them dun eat girl." She said still giggling. "Marissa I hope you know what you doing girl cause if you get catch you tail roast, anyhow, David yummy so he worth it." Jenny laughs at herself "Enjoy for me and you girl enjoy! She laughs again. Marissa laughs too. Just then her bedroom door opens " "Marissa get off that phone and come down for supper!" marissa sighs "Jenny I gone, will hear ya lata." "Bye girly." Marissa hangs up and follow her dad down the stairs.

On the other side of town Jake was at the dining room table busy, trying to finish up a maths assignment that he had to hand in on Monday. "Possssst!" the postwoman sang as she tossed four envelopes through the window. Jake sucked his teeth as they hit the floor. " All de time she does just pelt de mail anywhere." He grumbled as he bent to pick them up. As he returned to the table he notices his name on one of the envelopes. Jake opens the envelope and begins to read the letter. His expression changes to one of sulleness as he sighs deeply. Just then his brother's voice breaks the silence " Jake?" Trent yells, "Yo bro get out hey and help me wid dese cokenuts." Jake quickly hides the letter under his books and runs to help his brother bring the two hands of coconuts inside. Trent resting his cutlass by the front door looks up at his brother with a smile on his face "Man today I sell two tourists coconut water for twenty-five dollars each ya and dem buy it straight from de shell." Trent laughs "I mek fifty easy dollars man, I wish more tourists did pass" he continued laughing as Jake gave him a look. "Well dont celebrate your con too quick there hustler cause de bills just come." he replied and looked back at his books. "Shit man already, stupse," Trent walks over picks up the bills on the table." $200.00 for a light bill! what de hell! he shouted. He was no longer in a fun mood. "This is all of dem late nights that you does be up bout hey wid de light on and pun dat computa, man I tired paying bills you bring bout hey." Trent wasnt smiling anymore. "Trent why you does always blame me for everyting. you does waste more light bout hey than me besides you know I got to study." Jake was tired of his brother always trying to make him feel guilty about everything, besides he had his own problems to worry about. "If not fuh you I would be rich and famous now wid all de money I want, not cutting cokenuts when de days come. You is a pin in my backside, you lucky that I promise mummy to tek care of you." He was in a bad mood now "And get all of you rubbish off de table too, A man come home from wukking hard and want to sit down at he table and relax and you got de place miserable." Jake sucks his teeth, picks up his books inadvertently dropping the letter he was reading. He heads to his room and closes the door. Trent notices the letter on the floor and picks it up, sits at the table reading it and smiles while looking towards his brother's room.

The next evening, Marissa is in her room under her covers reading, as her mom and dad walks in. "Were going babygirl." Her dad said smiling. " " Oh ok have a good time." she replied. "Remember no visitors and no phone calls while were gone ok?" He said " I Know Dad" she sighed "I know." "Give her a break honey she knows the rules." Patrice Yearwood said. "Break? When children get breaks is when they get wild! I bringing up a daughter who is well behaved and obedient, not a wild girl! He retorted getting ready to start on his wife for her outburst. "Ok dear ok your right. "Anyhow dear its getting late, honey..." looking at Marissa " Were gone." Leaving her room Patrice turned and gave her daughter an apologetic half smile and then they were gone. "Click" went the front door and Marissa jumped out of bed. She stops in front of her bedroom mirror and scolds herself mockingly. "No!No!No! You are two young for partying Marissa and boys Marissa and fun Marissa and life!" Stupse. Marisa grumbled mockingly. As she began to dress, a sly smile forcing its way from her lips. She peered through her bedroom window, watching her parents as they drove away. A sense freedom washes over her, followed by apprehension. She realises that this would be the first time that she would ever go against her parents wishes. But how could she not? Marissa loved her parents very much, but she also loved David and he had finally asked her out, after so many months of trying to get his attention, so she couldnt let a little rule like no partying get in her way. Besides, She was seventeen years old and her parents would never find out anyway, they were going to be gone for the evening, not expected back until long after she had planned to be home, so what harm could be done. Her thoughts were interupted by a loud sharp toot peircing the air, "shoot!" Marissa muttered as she stumbled and scurried down the stairs. She jumped into her boots and jiggled her keys in the door, smiling to herself once again, thinking about what a good time she is going to have as she ran to a waiting David sitting in his car.

"Where are we going?" Marissa asks excitedly. "To my uncles club, the party there is always great and the drinks are free! David laughs "Ok sounds great. I am glad you asked me too go." She smiles shyly " I'm glad you came, we are going to have a great time, I know you'll like the club." He smiled at her and Marissa knew felt that she was in heaven.

At the Bascombe household, Jake was at home reading a History novel when the phone rings "Yea bro, me, meet me outside Scotty's bar at midnight." Jake sighed "man bro Igot to much work to do I aint got no time to party tonight. "He replied " I aint asking, you understand?" Trent's voice was mean "I gine be waiting, so midnight" before Jake could say anymore the phone went dead. Looking up ath the clock which read 11:30pm Jake shakes his head grabs his jacket and leaves the house. Outside the neighbourhood was quiet tonight he thught as he began to walk down the sidewalk. A lone taxi passes him as he disappears around the corner.

Inside Batt's Rock Bar and Lime, the party was swinging and Marissa was too. She and David were having a great time, dancing and laughing as if they were the only two people in the club. They danced for hours and Marissa was loving every minute of it, she wanted to stay in Davids arms forever, "This is so great!" she said as she stared into his dark brown eyes. He smiled at her, " Yeah, it is! I need another drink!" He grabbed her arm and half staggered over to the bar and raising his hand at the bartender who brings him another vodka. " You've had quite a bit of those David" She said concerned "These? He laughed loudly , girl I can drinks these all night, aint going to do me nuting" He laughed loudly again as he stumbles slightly off the chair.Marissa knew different, She realised that he was not quite himself. "Maybe this should be your late one." She suggested "Girl dont be silly, I good, dont start spoiling de party now I having a good time with you Marissa!" His reply was like a jolt of reality. Time! SHOOT! she thought, what the hell time was it! Glancing at her wrist, Marissa's joy suddenly turned to panic, she had little over an hour to get home if she was going to live to see another day! "David, can you take me home now please?" She felt like such a fool asking him, damn her parents! "Why?" He asked surprise and confusion clouding his face. "We were having such a great time? Did I do something wrong?" Marissa felt stupid hearing the words come out of her mouth " Well I kinda have a curfew? she lied avoiding his shocked and slightly annoyed stare "A curfew? you have got to be kidding me! I'm not ready to leave the party so soon Marissa, come on, forget curfew lets party some more." He grabs his drink and begins rocking to the music. Marissa , grabs his drink and puts it on the counter. Grabbing him by the shoulders she desperatly trys to make him listen. " David, you dont understand, I have to go NOW!" "OK OK dont get so excited we can go" Marsissa sighed with relief. As David took out his keys the bartender wander overas grabs them out of his hand "Oh no you dont Davey, your uncle would kill me if I let you drive home in your condition." Marissa couldn't believe it. She turns to the bartender " You dont understand, he has to take me home NOW! 'Well sorry miss but he aint driving nowhere in his condition.: The bartender replied and walked away to serve another customer. "Marissa began to panic. "David how am I going to get home? " David smiles drunkenly "Dont worry baby my uncle will take us when de party dun." He continues rocking drunkenly to the music. "David I cant wait that long I have to get home now!" She was defintely panicked now. A few tears rolled down her cheek. "Awww dont cry baby girl, here take this money and go get a taxi, dem does pass right in front de club alright. See ya lata baby." He said as he put the money in her hand, waving good bye before she even moved. Marissa looked at the money for a second, sighed heavily and made her way to the exit. She made her way outside the door just in time to see a taxi drive past the club, another tear rolled down her cheek.

Maurice the cab driver was singing loudly and off key as he happily drove home. suddenly his phone rang " Yea, oh hi honey I on my way home now, cheese on bread babe! I just past de gas station, what you want now? He rolls his eye as he got his instruction, just then his gas light started flashing. "stupes alright I going, you lucky I got to get gas anyway, yeah yeah i will see you when I get home." closing his cell phone he grumbles "Women!" and turns his taxi around.

Outside the club, Marissa, wiping the tears from her face, frantically scans the empty streets for a saviour, An overloaded ZR van turns the corner, cutting the curb dangerously close, music pounding. The driver slows up enough for the conducter to ask Marissa a question "yeah sis , you want this hey, jump in." He shouted as the driver turned the music down. Marissa took one step forward, looked at the people in the van squezzed together like sardines, hesitated then took a step back " Man carry long de van she wasting time and time is money!" with the conductors words the driver screeched off leaving Marissa behind. "Wait Wait I want the van, I want the van!" she cried behind them as she realised her only ride was leaving, but it was too late the music was pounding once again and the van disappeared around the corner. Tears streamed down Marissa's face as she continued to search the now empty streets ever so often glancing at her watch, her hope fading with every tick of the clock. Finally a taxi cab breaks the curb and heads in her direction. Marissa practically jumps in front of the taxi in her desperation to stop it. The taxi driver sreeches to a stop. "Clermont Heights, quickly please!" She anxoiusly yelled at the driver as she climbed in the back seat. Maurice take one look at the young lady's deperate face." Sure miss but I was kinda heading for gas, so I'm going to have to make a stop at the gas station first! Another impatient glance at her watch told her she needed to get home now if she was going to get there with time to spare. she glanced through the window, not another ride in sight, sighing she nodded her aprroval to the chubby toothless grin that glared at her throught the rear view mirror.

"Bad night huh?" Marissa didnt respond. Maurice continued anyway. "I know what thats like, I got a pregnant wife home and she makes every night a bad night wid dese cravings." He laughs Marissa half smiles and looks out the window." Maurice continues not really caring whether or not she was listening." She got me running hey dey and everywhere to get sardines, pickles and all kinds of crazy things. Tonight it is icecream and tuna." Marissa clooses her eyes in hopes that he would just shut up and drive but Maurice continues talking without missing a breath.

Outside Scotty's Jake walks up to his brother who is sitting on the step of the closed bar. "Whats up wid this bro, why you tell me meet down hey, de place shut up tight."
"dont mind that dog, come hey and check this out!" Jake walks over to his brother Trent . "Yeah bro wats up? " he asks curiously "Money,Money ,bro thats what's up. check this out. He point over to the gas station across the street. " I've been watching the place for a while now, business good man, business good." "So?" Jake asks confused " " So I want some of that goodness. I got a plan bro," He grabs a bag from next to his side and begins to pull out to small revolvers. Jake stares in shock. "Only one body at de pump and one inside bro, easy pickings man, we could be in and out of dey wid a bundle before you could blink twice." A smile creeps onto to Trent's usually stern face. " Trent, bro, you aint talking bout robbing de gas station cause that is madness! Bad idea man, I aint want no part of dat bro, none at all." Jakes backs away from his brother as if trying to escape the idea. "So why it is a bad idea huh? cause I come up wid it? Trent grunts as he closes the gap between them. " cause I aint got big brains to go to unversity like you my plan stupid?" Trent was really angry now and grabs his brother by the shirt " You only got big brains because of me, you hear? If I didnt have to mind taking care of you while mummy work, I would got big brains too!" He releases his hold on his brother"Besides this for you too you know, not only me, if we dont do this how else you gine pay for your fancy school? You gine come cut coconuts wid me? that is a lot of cutting." Trent laughs at his own joke. Sitting up Jake replies shocked " How you know about that? "I saw de letter man, so dont pretend yu high and mighty, this is de only way and you know it. Jake looks defeatedly at his brother
" I dont know bro, I just have a bad feeling bout this , isnt there another way? "Look Jake, this gine be cake, nobody aint bout hey look" Jake looks across at the empty station. " and only two people woorking, two girl besides , easy to tek down." " So you in right?, you ready right? right bro?" Trent persisted. Jake unhappily nodded "right." he sighs and takes the gun from his brother.

Pulling into Black Rock Gas Station, the taxi driver pulls up to the pump. A short, slim girl with a boyish walk casually makes her way to the car. "Yeah goodnight, how much?" She asks the Driver. "Fifty please" He replied "one five or five zero?" she questions him again while smacking her gum loudly. Marissa sucks her teeth. "five zero sweety." The driver answers while searching his wallet for cash. " Oh shoot, I got to go inside to the ATM, aint got enough cash" The Driver grinned apologetically at the attendant. Marissa sucks her teeth even louder and sighs loudly. "Well go long cause I aint pumping gas unless you got money, wunna does like to come in de gas station and dont got no money then I got to put it back from my pocket, you shout me when you get through, I gine back cross hey in de lunchroom and chill." "alright sis." the driver replies as he turns to Marissa "Need anything while i'm in there ?" he asks smiling toothlessly again. "NO! just go get the money so you can pay for the gas and HURRY UP! She knew she sounded annoyed when the cab driver's toothless grin turn to a look of hurt, but he didnt understand that she needed to get home now!. She sat in the car thumping her fingers on the handrest as she watch the chubby driver attempt to run into the station.

Maurice the cab driver puts his weight on the door while wondering what the hell could the young lady's problem. He was actually on his way home when she had jump in front of his cab. Didnt she know he was doing her a favour? His thoughts were interupted when he felt a sudden jerk on his arm. Raising his head for the first time Maurice paused with fear. He was staring down the barrel of a gun! "Get down on the floor fatso! Maurice dared not look at the face behind the voice. As he sunk to the floor, he then noticed the scared young girl behind the counter who was trembling while handing money over to another gunman. Oh Shit! he thought, just my luck! Sirens whispered in the distance. The guy standing behind him shouts " Hurry up man we got to get out of here!" " I got it, I got the cash lets go" the second gunman replied "lets go!. "

Trent and Jake ran hurriedly outside the automart, while the wailing of sirens approached from the distance. "Shit Trent, de police!" " I told you this was a bad idea!" Jake shouted as the sirens seemed to be getting closer. " Man shut up and just follow me nuh," Trent he scans the area for an escape. He notices the taxi just sitting there as if begging him take it "come on!" he shouts at Jake who seems frozen to the spot. He grabs his brothers arm and yanks him toward the open taxi which seemed to be inviting him in.

Marissa was lost in the thought of how her parents were going to torture her. She sat with her head in her hands mumbling " Just come on already!" Just then the door slammed." Its about tim...... a loud gasp escaped her lips as two strangers jumped into the taxi and closed the door.
"Shit Trent there is someone in here! Jakes looks a scared Marissa in the face "Whats going on, who are you guys" Marissa asks confused "Well I guess she going for a ride bro, hang tight honey." Trent revs the engine and screeches out of the station, the police car turns the corner as Marissa's screams faded away in the distance.

Police sirens blared through the streets in hot pursuit of the taxi cab. Officer Jackson was on his way to the gas station for a his break when they called in a robbery, he got their just in time to see the guys hijack a taxi and he was now in hot pursuit. He understood from the radio in that a young girl was in the getaway vehicle when it was hijacked so he would have to proceed with great care.

In the car Marissa was frozen with fear, she started to panic and screamed, her scream deafening in the small vehicle. "Shut up bitch, shut up before I stick this gun down your throat! Marissa hushed "Bro keep her quiet she is giving me a headache and it is the last thing I need wid this blasted police pun my ass!" Jake stared at the terrified young lady " Quiet nuh, you dont want to get shoot, just keep quiet. She looked at the gunman staring back at her, he was limply pointing his gun in her direction and was practically pleading with her and seemed to be just as afraid as she was. "Why did you take me? why?" she sobbed " Sorry, we didnt mean too, is just that we wanted to get away and..." " Jake shut up, wa you telling she sorry fa, you aint do she nuting, tell she shut up or I gine do she sumting." Jake put his hands to his lips hushing any more questions. Marissa obeyed.

What the ass gine on hey now, de rasgate car slowing down" Trent said as he repeatedly stamped on de gas and pounded his fist as the car slowed to a stop. "What happening bro why you stopping? " Jake asked the fear evident as the police car was closing the distance between them. " I look like I stopping ya idiot de blasted car run out of gas, shit man!" Trent was really pissed now. Jake suspected that he was as scared as he was. "Wah we going do bro, wat to do?" Jake was trembling the gun shaking terribly as he watched the policeman get out of his vehicle and pointed his gun at the taxi. Marissa sank lower in the seat afraid that the gun might go off. Her movements alerted Trent to her presence once again. " Ya know all dat big brain you got aint fuh nutin," he said to his brother as he looked at Marissa "Get out girl, you is we only way out of this." Marissa didnt move, she was frozen to her chair and very afraid of Trent. "Get Out! and do it slowly. H yelled pointing his gun. Marissa opens the door and Trent climbs out at the same time using Marissa as his sheild. Once completely out of the vehicle he grabs Marissa by the neck stabbing her temple with the gun. "Get behind me bro." He signals to Jake, who obeys. " Let the girl go and put your weapons down! Come on Boys you dont want to hurt anybody. Surrender yourselves, it's not too late to stop this! Officer Morgan shouted towards the two men that he realized were scared. "c'mon Trent lets just give up man, Let the girl go" Jake tried to convince his brother who was having no part of it "No, stay back or i'll shoot the girl!" Marissa gasped for air as his hold tightened. "Please please please." She begged " Dont kill me please" tears flowed from her face " Let the girl go, drop your weapon son." Officer Morgan's voice was stern but cautious. More sirens filled the air, back up was on the way. Jake started to put his gun down "I surrender" he shouted "Dont shoot me I give up!" Trent swings to face his brother " Jake what are you doing man, pick up the gun, pick up yoour gun Jake! Marissa saw her opportunity. Trent's focus was on his brother, his hold had loosened, it was now or never. She yanked herself forward and ran towards the policeman. Trent surprised pointed his gun towards Marissa, Officer Morgan raises his weapon. Jakes jumps forward knocking Marissa out of the way as a gun goes off. Marissa screams, Offircer Morgan rushes to her side as Trent drops his weapon and rushes to his brother's side " Jake, Jake you alright bro, Jake ,Jake" Trent shouts to an unresponsive Jake lying limply in his arms. Tears flowing from his eyes as he realises that he has killed his brother. Back up officers arrive and grab Trent who resists, screaming his brother's name over and over. Officers haul him away to the waiting police car. Marissa, secured in Officer Morgans arms watches in shock and disbelief.

At the police station Marissa gave her report to Officer Morgan. When she was finished he brought her some juice and asked " Do you have someone to call to take you home?" Marissa nodded sullenly. "Thats ok dear i'll take you" with that he grabbed Marissa by the arm and led her through the station.

"Are you going to be alright?" Officer Morgan asks as Marissa slowly and apprehensively opened the door. " I'll be fine thanks." She replied still shaken but more afraid of what or who was on the other side of the door. She stepped inside closing the door behind her. Her heart raced as she tiptoes up the stair half expecting that at any moment her that dad's screaming voice will fill the air. Marissa reached her room to her and realisation crept over her, she almost couldn't believe it. She had made it home before her parents. After all of that she had made it home. Marissa quickly undressed, happy yet shaken, as she put her night shirt on she heard her parents car pull into the driveway, she quickly finished undressing and hopped into bed pretending to be asleep. He parents enter the house and her dad walks up the stairs to her room.

"Marissa you asleep?" her dad asked as he peeped through her bedroom door. " Oh hi dad yawwwn" Marissa replied acting as though she had just woken up. "You now getting in?" She asks glancing at the clock above her bedroom door. "Yes, you wouldnt believe that the highway was blocked, some guy was shot by police tonight." Erskine replied as he walked down the stairs. As he entered the kicthen he turned on the television. Upstairs Marissa layed in bed remembering all that she had been through that night. Downstairs the late night news poured out of the television "In our main story tonight a robbery gone bad. These two brothers pictured here robbed the black rock gas station tonight and made a bad choice of getaway vehicle when they hijacked a taxi that had an amost empty gas tank. Not only that, the robbers inadvertently kidnapped a seventeen year old passenger who was waiting in the cab. Robbers led police on a highspeed chase which end badly when the taxi ran out of gas and the robbers held police at a standoff using the young lady as a shield. In what was described as a moment of confusion one brother shot and killed the other while the young lady escaped. Tonight the victim, Marissa Yearwood is said to be shaken but unhurt. Hearing her name on the tv Marissa sat up mortified and waited. She didnt have to wait long because her dad did not disappoint

"MARISSSSSSSAAAAAA!!!!!! who would save her now she thought, who would save her now.

Elements of Playwriting

2009-09-23T03:47:00.000-07:00

Character -realistic, backstory, appearance, quirks, personality, age, language, culture and socio-economic background.

Time - period in story when something happens

Plot - plot points

Organisation - structures and devices

Why is the story being told

Central Characters - motivation

Location/ Setting

Conflict - main character - resolution or not

Theme (s) main areas the story is covering

Wednesday 23rd September

2009-09-23T01:01:00.000-07:00

Hello Class,
I hope you had a good week since we met last.

1) Just a reminder, when you are posting to the group please do so through the BLOG. That way all of our class work is kept in one place and any of you can go back and refer to it afterwards. That also goes for comments.

2) Your class exercise on Friday was to write up the Story elements that we discussed, AND to write up your group story outlines on the blog. You guys haven't done this, so make sure that you bring your laptops today so you can complete the exercise in class. It's important to stay on top of the process!

See you at 9am.
Best wishes
Frances-Anne

"Sea of Pressure"

2009-09-17T08:04:00.001-07:00

The Sea of Pressure

It was smack in the middle of the year nineteen ninety eight. All primary school students would have completed their common entrance exam and we were all awaiting the results. As is the norm every summer, many of us would flock to the beach. My parents' instructions were clear as the water in the sea. Never go to the beach alone. My best friend Kevin was looking forward to find out which school he would be going to and if we would end up at the same school. I wondered it too because most people lose their primary school buddies when they leave to their next course of study.
It was one week before the release of all results. It was fever pitch in the classrooms. All we could talk about was which school we thought we were going to. Kevin came up with a brilliant idea and suggested that all of us in class four one, go to the beach on Friday because it was the day after our results would be made public. All of us agreed. It was the last time we had to share our fondest memories with one another. It was Thursday and our friends from St.Leonards Secondary came after school for the usual soccer practice session. I wasn't the best of footballers but Kevin was very good. He encouraged me to play and that is how I made the school team that year. One of the footballers said that we should go to the beach and have a warm down. Of course knowing guys as usual, the only warm down you can do at the beach is to play another game of football!
I didn't know how to tell the guys that I couldn't go. I remembered my parents instructions. Damn! What was I to say. I was going to lie. Come up with a story if you will. Anything to take away the shame but while I was thinking about my story Kevin came in and said that I can't go because of my parents. The guys laughed of course. That's what guys do. I was angry at Kevin. I asked him why he did it. He said he knew I wouldn't tell the truth. He knew me so well but still he shouldn't have done that. He should asked me first. After all of the laughter aimed my direction, I withdrew myself from the group and went home.

They walked from school all the way down to Brandons beach and over to what was the then popular "Hot Pot." Now bajans know the "Hot Pot" very well because the rum distillery had an enormous pipe which released air from the distillery into the water. This of course caused a rippling current against the tide and if one were to enter the sea near the entrance of the pipe, the rippling current would feel like a powerful masage in the water. I was at home thinking about this enjoyable experience I am missing out on, all due to my parents indiscretion. I pondered on leaving the house, sneaking out if you will. I really thought about it, so I was ready to execute my plan. I was going to sneak out of the house and leave. I did so and I was caught. My grandmother hauled me back inside and told me to stay put. She too wasn't receiving any Christmas presents that year.
Hours passed and all could think about were my friends having a good time at sea and then a news bulletin came over the radio, recapping a headline about boys drowning at sea. Instatly I turned on the television. The report was midway through when I started feeling unsettled. I felt something wrong. The report continued by saying that the bodies of two brothers were still missing and I knew, I knew exactly what they were saying. I wanted more news. I wanted updates nothing. I knew that I lost my best friend and his brother. I knew that if I were there, I would have drowned too but they said that they couldn't find the bodies. There was still hope.
Three days after tireless search efforts. Nothing. Not one body. It took me a few years to really come to grips of losing my best friend. His mother took it tragically. I know how it feels to have a funeral service for a loved one, cherishing their life and you are unable to see their body being lowered into the earth. She broke down. She is not the same person now. All my parents kept reminding me was their order that I followed. That was what I followed until after my fifteenth birthday. It was summer all over again and most of my friends once again were at the beach. This time around most of them had their drivers license. They took themselves to the beach without the use of public transportation. My best friend Traimaine and I always talked about jumping off Crane beach's cliff. This is one of the highest cliffs in Barbados. We had planned this many times and today would be the day to do it. When we made our ascent to the top of the cliff, the usual log that allowed easy access to the other side was removed. We were baflled. It has always been there since we could remember. Now, on this day, strangely enough it was removed. I thought to myself that we should turn back. How could we? We planned this for months. We just couldn't give up. So we long-jumped succesfully across avoiding the growing moss on the limestone.
We were finally to the top. We looked over the edge and then at each other with this knowing that we were going to jump. After twenty minutes of swearing and overzealous hype, Traimaine jumped over the edge, screaming, swearing and wailing his hands, as if he were in a movie scene. It seemed a while before he actually hit the ocean though. When he did, he was under for quite some time. He swam up and breathed a very audible sigh of relief. He swam close to shore. It was now my turn. I was up there with myself and God. Right before I was about to jump I remembered Kevin. I remembered what happened. I remembered how the guys teased me. I was older now. I knew better. Yet I too took another ten minutes of swearing. Then finally I ran. I lept.
I was in the air for what seemed like an eternity and like Tramaine, when I met the water, it was with tremendous force. Thus, it sent me right down into the deep.Right down into the deep blue that we know as the ocean. I swam up and felt on top of the world. Of course I was. I just jumped off the world, I thought to myself! I didn't have time to reflect on my mid-air flight. A wave hit me and took me under. I had no idea how this felt before. I panicked and tried grasping at everything and like air the water fell through my hands. The desparation was eveident. Even through my constant bobbing I could see Traimiane near the shore with his hands on his head pacing through the water. I was gasping for air. Gasping for breath when this white dude on a surfboard, who honestly seemed like he was miles away asked me if I needed help. Of course I could not respond. How could I? I was drowning. There God was witness to the ills of peer pressure. I was struggling to swim as a swimmer for many years at swimming championships. Traimaine's eyes were red now. Not from the salt of the sea but from what I believed to be tears of him losing a friend. The almighty father knew that I took my last breath and I was going under lifeless. All I remembered was the same white dude holding my stomach and struggling to place me on his board. I felt another presence with me as well. It wasn't spiritual. It was another white dude aiding to bring me closer to the shore. They would swim for a bit and ask me if I was good there. I kept saying no. They asked again. Same answer. They brought me right by the shore. I still felt unsure. They had to carry me to the toursit side on the beach, where the beach chairs were and left me there to leave. Of course I was questioned about this stupid thing which I did by onlookers and by my lifesavers. Everyone on the beach was staring at me. My friend was still in disbelief. Pacing now, on the sand where it is softest. I felt so frustrated with myself. Now how would my parents feel. They didn't know that I was there. How could they know? I didn't tell them. There while I lay in the sand, I leaked salty tears. I knew what I did was wrong. Every single time I go to the beach I remember that day. I remembered the day I almost drowned.
I am now twenty two years old. I told my parents last year. All they said was that it was probably a good thing I told them when I did or I would be a different child today. Society links peer pressure to drugs and drunk driving. They don't see how easy it is to drown in the following of your friends. I know now.

A Childhood Experience - The Diary And I

2009-09-17T00:45:00.000-07:00

Longing for attention not so much the favourite, but being able to be given my equal share of our alone time from my parents was always my dying plea.

I remember from the minute I was born that my sister was always intimidated by me. She always wanted everything, always wanted to be on top, always wanted to be in control (rule things pretty much). Even though rivalry clearly was present, I still had loved my sister and wanted the best for her. When she did well in class at both primary and sencondary school, I was glad and happy for her, not realising she was comparing our grades and our classes. I did very well in my classes at secondary school more so than primary. I guess that came with maturity and knowing what I wanted, but the comparisons never stopped and this was why I never try to be better at my primary school.

My sister and I went to the same primary school, and not only did my father favour her and my mum supported her at home, but when she started school and I two years immediately after her, I could feel the pressure. As a three year old, this pressure was very real even in the midst of my naiveness I could feel they favouring her even when it came to school. She being in the brighter classes than I, she learning to write her name in the first week of school, she being able to make friends rather easily etc. I had my giftings and I had my uniqueness, but each and everytime this happened I was overlooked, not only by my parents now, but also by my teachers who always compared us. I always felt alone and abandoned like I was the mistakable child that should not be born.

I felt this way and any fool could see it. The attention I looked for was never in my favour. My brother born almost four years later from when I was born and he got the attention big time, so I knew it could not be that I was not better, it just meant that I probably was a mistake. I bore these pains and feelings big time, that I always was classified as the quiet one who knew nothing. It was not so much that I knew nothing, but when I responded to anything whether I was at home or school, I was always undermined. I lost my voice before going to school for the first time and when I was finally going to school, it just was not there anymore. I do not think I ever had it to begin with and this was where my diary came in.

I never had a diary at first, but when I started writing and knowing all about words I found myself a diary. Something to call my own! This diary became my best friend, my parents, my teachers, a father's love, attention and appreciation, the mother who stand by me no matter what, the friends I never had, the sister I long to be in the company with, the brothers who I wanted to be there for me, my everything. I wrote my whole life in these diaries, because I had so many (diaries). So many things that I ever wanted to say to anyone who would listen were in these diaries. I wrote about the many times my dad had to leave and I would cry, because I would missed him for the four months he would be away and I knew that everytime he left for Canada, I would be mistreated badly. This was so weird to me as my dad never paid me any attention, but somehow when he was away, I always was treated worst.

My dad brought bicycles for all my siblings except for me till this day. I used to have to beg them to ride theirs and do not talk about when they were angry with me or they just wanted to be stingy, I never could get on. I was the one outside on the steps sitting down watching them as they all were having fun. I was in pain, but they never knew it because when the tears came, I went inside and I acted like it never hurt. One day, one year, when my dad was going to Canada, I asked him before he left for Canada and even when he called on numerous occasions, I reminded him of the pair of skates that I wanted (size 6 to be precise). I could not skate but I knew I would learn, just in the same way I learned to ride bicycles by riding my siblings' bicycles. I knew I kept on reminding my dad and then one day, he told me he has the skates. I was so happy! I could not wait to get them, but the excitement quickly came with the shock of reality that I was never going to be equal in this family of mine. My dad quickly told me you have to share your skates with your younger brother and he brought another one for my sister and older brother just above her to share. I was sad. I could not do anything about it and I knew they would be pushing me around as usual because they would have just what I have. The skates did not last long as a snow cone because very soon, the children in the neighbourhood were using them until they destroy them. Poor Julie was back to square one, being in the house and writing in her diary.

This was where I wish to die, I wish to be lying in the hospital fighting to live, I long for a broken hand, foot, neck, for asthma, or anything that would bring me more pain to forget about this kind of pain. I question a lot of things wondering why I was ever here. I remember a good friend of mainly my sister was very ill and the day she was a lot better, she came out to us and we were doing once again what we always did, liming and playing music on evenings. She told us how she felt and what happened to her. I felt so sorry for her and I saw how everyone were worried about her, I went home and prayed for what she had. I asked God that night to make me sick. The next morning I was so ill, I could not even go to school and even though I had to missed school, I thought finally now they have to pamper me. That never happened. It was as though I never was sick and they never knew.

This favouritism continue even after my mum and dad got their divorce, among my step dad and step mum. They favour my sister and baby brother very much and I was always their scapegoat. They overworked me very hard and I knew they never appreciated me. They always lied on me by saying I destroyed the video, televison or telephone, and when these things happened I either was not home or near these things. My step dad at one time had my mother and siblings hating me just because he never liked me even up to this day, but thank God he is not in ourlives anymore.

Acceptance, Appreciation, Confidence, Self-esteem, Being Equal, Belonging, are the things I lacked in primary and secondary school to a certain extent. A childhood years that could never be forgotten, writing in her diary that became her bestfriend.

Mrs Archer

2009-09-16T18:42:00.000-07:00

My childhood memory, is about my great grand mother getting Alzheimer's. [to clear things up a bit, i call her grannie because i was that close to her but she was really my "great" grand mother - but i digress]

Well, grannie was my best friend in every way possible, she knew all of my secrets and i even got to know some of hers. After a time when we would sit and talk she started forgetting little things, like
which room she was in, in the house, or how to turn on the TV. I found it peculiar at first, but then one day she looked me straight in the face, and asked me, "who are you?". Three little words that hurt so much, I could not believe that she of all people could forget me. As time grew on she forgot more and more, which i expected, what i didn't expect was the violent part of her, that came out, like she was a different person, or always crying like a six year saying she wanted to go home. Then came the day she "walked away". When my mother told me that the family could not find her, I almost screamed at them! I mean how can you let a WHOLE person disappear just like that?! I was baffled, scared and angry and yes terrified, because it was getting dark, i didn't know where to look first, i didn't know which road she took, all i know is that she was gone. Thankfully we did find her. A group of school meals workers found her at the school, and realized she seemed a little erratic, and called the police to file a report, when my mother called in the same time and the police told her that, there was a women there fitting the same description.

Well by that point, i figured well i have had enough, there is nothing else that can happen right? - WRONG! Soon after she began to loose her sense of going to the bathroom and forgetting when and how to eat. At this time I was at the UWI, and I to learn how to juggle that life and the life that no one knew I had at home. On mornings I had to wake up at 5 am, to finish up any home work i had, then by six have her breakfast going, she had always been an early riser, then boil water for her to take a "wash up" in the bed because she could not move to the shower any more, roll her on a side clean and power her, then the next side. Feed her her breakfast, wait for the care taker then off i go, on evenings that routine all over again but then i had to do my home work, so there i am with my head at the bottom of the bed while she is the top just placing her hand on my thigh making sure i was not there and not moving, [she did not like being alone].

But in spite of all of that, when it was time for her to go, she knew, she told me. And i told her, ok. Because i knew that she was tired, i guess her spirit just wanted to know that i was going to be ok. I told her that day, that if it was time i was going to be ok, and in three days she passed away - just like that. And when she was finally buried i was ok too, because i knew she was at peace.

THE END

My First Thoughts

2009-09-16T17:26:00.000-07:00

Yeah!!!! I get to be the first student to post! I'm excited

I think this is a fabulous idea to be blogging for a class!

We as creative people can channel our energy and share what we have with one another in an online forum. Its almost as if we never left the class!

Forgot to mention that I use my middle name as my writing name. So get familiar with "Ramiah Kahlil"

Introduction

2009-09-16T09:28:00.001-07:00

Hello !

It was great to meet you all, and I am looking forward to being part of this class over the next few weeks.

This blog will be your class journal, and you are expected to post to it at least once a week.

Your "homework" for tomorrow is to write up your story, the one that you told today, and also, to comment on your classmates' stories.

I'll see you tomorrow!

Frances-Anne